Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Battle Cry"A book of Poetry & Writing
74 total reviews
Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn
This is a beautiful, heartfelt and haunting war poem and moving tribute to all those courageous men who lost their lives. Well written.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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This is a beautiful, heartfelt and haunting war poem and moving tribute to all those courageous men who lost their lives. Well written.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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thank you Janine
Comment from Ponder
Hi Deep water,
We know so little about the nuts and bolts of WW1 and it does seem to be so long ago. there is a debate going on over here at the moment about whether removing those bodies is the right thing to do.
I liked your poem. It contains a realism that makes the events more human. the first person point of view is a good choice.
Jules
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Hi Deep water,
We know so little about the nuts and bolts of WW1 and it does seem to be so long ago. there is a debate going on over here at the moment about whether removing those bodies is the right thing to do.
I liked your poem. It contains a realism that makes the events more human. the first person point of view is a good choice.
Jules
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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thank you Jules, I think i would like to come home GW
Comment from Frances Jean
I read your author's notes with interest. We have so much to answer for; the waste of life and human suffering. It's quite a task bring them all home again. The end rhyming is a bit off in a couple of places 'away, grave' and 'afraid, pain'. With your last line might I suggest you change it to read, Only two hundred soldiers made it up there today, or Two hundred soldiers made it up there today. The inclusion of did doesn't seem to flow well. All the best Frances
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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I read your author's notes with interest. We have so much to answer for; the waste of life and human suffering. It's quite a task bring them all home again. The end rhyming is a bit off in a couple of places 'away, grave' and 'afraid, pain'. With your last line might I suggest you change it to read, Only two hundred soldiers made it up there today, or Two hundred soldiers made it up there today. The inclusion of did doesn't seem to flow well. All the best Frances
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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thank you for the comments
Comment from missy98writer
deepwater,
Your poem is a well written poem about WWI. Graphic writing drives home what a soldier faces. Excellent rhymes, dark narrative and vivid imagery. Great juxtaposition of art work to poem theme. I especially liked the lines:
time has stopped ticking as I fall, with pain
slow is the battle as I drift away
buddy beside me saying you'll be okay
waiting for medics, to carry me away
Two hundred soldiers, did made it up there today.
Your author notes is very informative. Another amazing poem from your talented pen. Thanks for sharing. . .Melissa!
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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deepwater,
Your poem is a well written poem about WWI. Graphic writing drives home what a soldier faces. Excellent rhymes, dark narrative and vivid imagery. Great juxtaposition of art work to poem theme. I especially liked the lines:
time has stopped ticking as I fall, with pain
slow is the battle as I drift away
buddy beside me saying you'll be okay
waiting for medics, to carry me away
Two hundred soldiers, did made it up there today.
Your author notes is very informative. Another amazing poem from your talented pen. Thanks for sharing. . .Melissa!
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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thank you Melissa for your most welcome comments Gary
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Such a true and horrible picture of hazards of war, written with feeling and in extreme poetic beauty.
buddy beside me saying you'll be okay
waiting for medics, to carry me away
Two hundred soldiers, did made it up there today.[[ Powerful lines]]
K
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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Such a true and horrible picture of hazards of war, written with feeling and in extreme poetic beauty.
buddy beside me saying you'll be okay
waiting for medics, to carry me away
Two hundred soldiers, did made it up there today.[[ Powerful lines]]
K
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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thank you for your welcome comments K your friend Gary
Comment from Nicki_Mist
Two hundred soldiers, did made it up there today. (Maybe a typo here?)
This was a very good poem that holds you from start to finish and very sad but suspenceful too. Keep on writing for you write so well.
Nicole
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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Two hundred soldiers, did made it up there today. (Maybe a typo here?)
This was a very good poem that holds you from start to finish and very sad but suspenceful too. Keep on writing for you write so well.
Nicole
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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thank you for your welcome comment Nicole your friend Gary
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a very good poem. I am not a poet so you can take my thoughts here and throw them in the garbage if you want to. I don't understand why Six and Two are capitalized and nothing else it.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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This is a very good poem. I am not a poet so you can take my thoughts here and throw them in the garbage if you want to. I don't understand why Six and Two are capitalized and nothing else it.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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thank you for your welcome commers barbara there was 6000 to start and 200 by the end of the day
Comment from menachem
I like it, very touching. I get the feeling that the last line is supposed to explain something to us, that it's supposed to kind of tell us what's going on. It actually got me more confused. I would really like to see the updated version if you change it. For me, that last line sets the tone of the whole poem.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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I like it, very touching. I get the feeling that the last line is supposed to explain something to us, that it's supposed to kind of tell us what's going on. It actually got me more confused. I would really like to see the updated version if you change it. For me, that last line sets the tone of the whole poem.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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thanks for your comments menachem
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Sure.
Comment from Awatef
This is an interesting poem of history. It has specific details of a time of unfortunate war. Very creative and dramatic writing.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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This is an interesting poem of history. It has specific details of a time of unfortunate war. Very creative and dramatic writing.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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thank you for your welcome comments Awatef
Comment from c_lucas
Bravery under fire, courage when out numbered. War is often thought of as a romantic adventure. Where is the poet when thousands of youths lie dead, or dying. All their benefits cut short and will never blossom as young men and woment. Very well written.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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Bravery under fire, courage when out numbered. War is often thought of as a romantic adventure. Where is the poet when thousands of youths lie dead, or dying. All their benefits cut short and will never blossom as young men and woment. Very well written.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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thank you for your welcome comments C
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You're welcome, Gary. Charlie
