Dark Chocolate with Liqueur Centres
A delicious lifestyle20 total reviews
Comment from patmedium
Lasciviously slurped, sipped, licked, chewed and enjoyed. You have written a wonderful entry here. Congratulations. Good luck. Pat.
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Lasciviously slurped, sipped, licked, chewed and enjoyed. You have written a wonderful entry here. Congratulations. Good luck. Pat.
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you so much Pat, for that lovely review and those generous stars. I enjoyed writing this. Had to remind myself to open my eyes and not get carried away too much - difficult to type with eyes closes!LOL :) Warmest regards my friend.
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Well, thankyou for my late night chuckle. I'm off to bed. xxx
Comment from Carol D Parker
A six-star rating for a six-star work of word art. I really enjoyd being in Tasmania, with all the well-described exotic birds and animals. The beautiful flora. The sound of the waterfall. You used, as good writers do, all five senses to give us the picture and experience. Your talent for description is excellent. I really forgot I was reading and felt I was there. Awesome job. Good luck
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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A six-star rating for a six-star work of word art. I really enjoyd being in Tasmania, with all the well-described exotic birds and animals. The beautiful flora. The sound of the waterfall. You used, as good writers do, all five senses to give us the picture and experience. Your talent for description is excellent. I really forgot I was reading and felt I was there. Awesome job. Good luck
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you so much Brooke, for that lovely review and those generous six stars. I enjoyed writing this. Had to remind myself to open my eyes and not get carried away too much - difficult to type with eyes closes!LOL :) Warmest regards.
Comment from JimLee
Very well written. I can easily place myself in the scene, I can hear all the birds and animals, I can feel the warmth of the sun and feel the breeze, and the best part, I can taste the chocolate. While I enjoy my daily intake of various liqueurs, I got a little tired of seeing it in almost every description you used.
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Very well written. I can easily place myself in the scene, I can hear all the birds and animals, I can feel the warmth of the sun and feel the breeze, and the best part, I can taste the chocolate. While I enjoy my daily intake of various liqueurs, I got a little tired of seeing it in almost every description you used.
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you so much Jim, for that lovely review and those generous stars. I enjoyed writing this. Had to remind myself to open my eyes and not get carried away too much - difficult to type with eyes closes!LOL :) Warmest regards.
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Great write with awesome imagery...very descriptive and brought the reader right into your story! Love this entire piece, but especially, the following:
Close your eyes and you'll see me soaking in a natural rock-pool, deep in Tasmania's untouched rain-forest. The sun's rays, the colour of pineapple liqueur, shine through the canopy of tall trees onto the damp fronts of the huge green man-ferns. Its shafts of light create a natural wonderland, a place of beauty and serenity. A place untouched by human hands
Best of luck in the contest...hugs and smiles, Susanne
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Great write with awesome imagery...very descriptive and brought the reader right into your story! Love this entire piece, but especially, the following:
Close your eyes and you'll see me soaking in a natural rock-pool, deep in Tasmania's untouched rain-forest. The sun's rays, the colour of pineapple liqueur, shine through the canopy of tall trees onto the damp fronts of the huge green man-ferns. Its shafts of light create a natural wonderland, a place of beauty and serenity. A place untouched by human hands
Best of luck in the contest...hugs and smiles, Susanne
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you Susanne for your lovely review and generous rating on this story. I'm thrilled you enjoyed. Warmest regards.
Comment from highlander104
What a great story. And, yes, I will join you in your Island Paradise. You have painted a paradise with words. A talent that escapes a number of writers. I think I'm going to print this out and read it over when I need a lift.
I found a few nits and listed a few suggestions. Please keep in mind, these suggestions are my own opinion.
Good luck in the contest. This has got to be a sure winner.
(Boy, am I ever glad I didn't enter.)
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A greyish-brown wallaby watches me from the side of the pool, its Joey peeking from her pouch;[their] eyes the colour of cocoa. - I'm not too sure on this one, but if you're talking about a single wallaby, shouldn't this be "her" eyes?
The water massagies - massages
...I take a few sips of the sweet wine and [allows] - allow
Suggestions:
...and savour the taste of its cherry liqueur centre, [which drips] - as it drips
...so as to fully - delete "so as"
...refreshes my palate[,] and - I would delete that comma
...I [slowly] savour each chocolate [one by one] - redundant, use one or the other. I would prefer "one by one"
...savour its freshness, and exhale [slowly.] - I would delete the comma and the word "slowly"
Again, good luck.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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What a great story. And, yes, I will join you in your Island Paradise. You have painted a paradise with words. A talent that escapes a number of writers. I think I'm going to print this out and read it over when I need a lift.
I found a few nits and listed a few suggestions. Please keep in mind, these suggestions are my own opinion.
Good luck in the contest. This has got to be a sure winner.
(Boy, am I ever glad I didn't enter.)
****
A greyish-brown wallaby watches me from the side of the pool, its Joey peeking from her pouch;[their] eyes the colour of cocoa. - I'm not too sure on this one, but if you're talking about a single wallaby, shouldn't this be "her" eyes?
The water massagies - massages
...I take a few sips of the sweet wine and [allows] - allow
Suggestions:
...and savour the taste of its cherry liqueur centre, [which drips] - as it drips
...so as to fully - delete "so as"
...refreshes my palate[,] and - I would delete that comma
...I [slowly] savour each chocolate [one by one] - redundant, use one or the other. I would prefer "one by one"
...savour its freshness, and exhale [slowly.] - I would delete the comma and the word "slowly"
Again, good luck.
Jean K.
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Jean, thank you so much for this very generous six star rating, and your suggestions and advice. I appreciate them, and have made most of the changes suggested. I am thrilled you enjoyed this story, and you are welcome to join the throng of FanStorians who plan to come here. Maybe I can organise a tour? LOL:). Warmest regards and thank you for your good luck wishes.
Comment from The Ghostwriter
Your descriptions made me hungry (breakfast time!) Taste is often overlooked in narrative, but not yours. Tasmania sounds beautiful; I want to visit. I live in GA, USA, known for peaches. Good job, author!
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Your descriptions made me hungry (breakfast time!) Taste is often overlooked in narrative, but not yours. Tasmania sounds beautiful; I want to visit. I live in GA, USA, known for peaches. Good job, author!
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you so much, my friend. I think the Tasmanian Government should hire me as their ambassador? It sounds like I have people lining up to get here. Thank you so much for your fun and generous review. Warmest regards.
Comment from rmdelta
A well written story with plenty of great descriptives. They allow us clear imagery of your scene. I wish you luck in the contest.
Reggie
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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A well written story with plenty of great descriptives. They allow us clear imagery of your scene. I wish you luck in the contest.
Reggie
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you so much, my friend. Thank you so much for your fun and generous review Reggie. Warmest regards.
Comment from jwlee211
great descriptions. I really enjoy this selection. It made me want to pack my bags and travel there now. Great use of the metaphor throughout. great writing.
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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great descriptions. I really enjoy this selection. It made me want to pack my bags and travel there now. Great use of the metaphor throughout. great writing.
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you so much, my friend. I think the Tasmanian Government should hire me as their ambassador? It sounds like I have people lining up to get here. Thank you so much for your generous review. Warmest regards.
Comment from janicedincic
I love dark chocolate - particularly Belgian dark chocolate. Your description of the tastes, sights and sounds, the waterfall, the animals.... is absolutely breathtaking. I want to come to Tasmania right now :-).
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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I love dark chocolate - particularly Belgian dark chocolate. Your description of the tastes, sights and sounds, the waterfall, the animals.... is absolutely breathtaking. I want to come to Tasmania right now :-).
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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I'll welcome you with open arms. Yes, I do believe we live in paradise here. Thank you for your very warm and generous review on this story. I am so thrilled you enjoyed, and thank you from the bottom of my heart. Warmest regards.
Comment from M. Karol
I am sure your Tasmania is beutiful...like a dark box of chocolate...or may be better than that. I love nature....got lost in the beauty of your land. Nicely written.
Madhvi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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I am sure your Tasmania is beutiful...like a dark box of chocolate...or may be better than that. I love nature....got lost in the beauty of your land. Nicely written.
Madhvi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you, I appreciate your lovely comments and generous review. Warmest regards
