Dear Lexi
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "All Too Soon You'll Walk Away""Let the little children come unto me." ~ Jesus
16 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
Beautiful sentiments, Jan. The love you carry for this sweet child is so transparent. I could feel the strong, melancholy emotions.
I have one small suggestion:
all too soon you'll walk away <--This line is short one syllable. Perhaps you could re-word slightly. (Twill be too soon you'll walk away.)
I love the monorhyme. Quite a feat.
Lovely, moving poetry. This was easy to relate to. Children grow up so much faster than we plan for. ;)
Thank you for sharing this with me.
Nic
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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Beautiful sentiments, Jan. The love you carry for this sweet child is so transparent. I could feel the strong, melancholy emotions.
I have one small suggestion:
all too soon you'll walk away <--This line is short one syllable. Perhaps you could re-word slightly. (Twill be too soon you'll walk away.)
I love the monorhyme. Quite a feat.
Lovely, moving poetry. This was easy to relate to. Children grow up so much faster than we plan for. ;)
Thank you for sharing this with me.
Nic
Comment Written 19-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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yes, particulalrly in this past month when I've not been able to keep her -- thanks for the suggestion -- love, jan
Comment from Bulfornite
Hmmm very interest i preferred your other one i read but this stillmakes me feel relaxed inside, and it makes your realised everyday you walk away from which is in more detail ans is a different way to every days another day
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Hmmm very interest i preferred your other one i read but this stillmakes me feel relaxed inside, and it makes your realised everyday you walk away from which is in more detail ans is a different way to every days another day
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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thanks, Bulfomite -- this was my first foray into trying to write this particular style of poetry -- love, jan
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Your welcome :) and Ohh x
With love and light steven
Comment from rmdelta
Jan,
what a great story, Jan. Excellent descriptives allow us such vivid imagery and insight into your very gently heart. Terrific work, my friend.
REggie
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Jan,
what a great story, Jan. Excellent descriptives allow us such vivid imagery and insight into your very gently heart. Terrific work, my friend.
REggie
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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can't tell you how much I cried when I reread it, my friend. sorry It took me so long to get back to you. love, jan
Comment from luisestable
This, I feel, is not one of your best efforts, but I give to you a four for the love you show here for this child, and we know that they grow up very fast and what you say in this piece will happen.
Take care and the best to you!
Luis
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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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This, I feel, is not one of your best efforts, but I give to you a four for the love you show here for this child, and we know that they grow up very fast and what you say in this piece will happen.
Take care and the best to you!
Luis
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thanks, luis. I was just trying this format for the first time. I fnd them hard to write without them sounding contrived and this was the best I could do. thanks, again. love, jan
Comment from ulster3
Hello Jan (?).
You always write beautifully, but you have a marvellous collection for Lexi. I very much enjoyed reading this fine poem. Thanks for this share.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Hello Jan (?).
You always write beautifully, but you have a marvellous collection for Lexi. I very much enjoyed reading this fine poem. Thanks for this share.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 27-May-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you, Becky. love, jan
Comment from Brad Sterling
A lovely, loving piece pf pure poetry that any child would be proud to have dedicated to them - tells an easy flowing story of growing up in good rhyming sequence - two small crits - unable to get accompanying picture - and one line short in scansion - "all too soon you'll walk away" - easily amended - one way would be to put "you will" which also would add alliteration - a joy to read and worthy of six stars - thank you for sharing...Brad.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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A lovely, loving piece pf pure poetry that any child would be proud to have dedicated to them - tells an easy flowing story of growing up in good rhyming sequence - two small crits - unable to get accompanying picture - and one line short in scansion - "all too soon you'll walk away" - easily amended - one way would be to put "you will" which also would add alliteration - a joy to read and worthy of six stars - thank you for sharing...Brad.
Comment Written 27-May-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thanks, Brad. I appreciate your wonderful comments. love, jan
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You're very welcome...Brad.
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Hello Poet and a terrific Thursday morning to you!
Jan, I think, like all the rest you have written for her, she will love it and you did a great job.
Have a delightful day!
Loyd
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Hello Poet and a terrific Thursday morning to you!
Jan, I think, like all the rest you have written for her, she will love it and you did a great job.
Have a delightful day!
Loyd
Comment Written 27-May-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thanks, Loyd. you are too kind. love, jan
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Jan, you are very welcome, Loyd
Comment from Njorgensen
Beautifully written tribute. Yes, all too soon they'll walk away. My youngest just turned 15 and still my baby, though she balks at being called that. Time has a way of passing us by and our children growing up too fast.
Your attempt at a triolet was wonderful and I thank you for sharing it.
Nancy
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Beautifully written tribute. Yes, all too soon they'll walk away. My youngest just turned 15 and still my baby, though she balks at being called that. Time has a way of passing us by and our children growing up too fast.
Your attempt at a triolet was wonderful and I thank you for sharing it.
Nancy
Comment Written 27-May-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thanks, Nancy. love, jan
Comment from tati
This is beautiful, jan, you've made wonderful descriptions with words that flow so smoothly, so heartfelt and powerful too. I also like the imagery and your message. You can be proud to dedicate this lovely rhymed triolet to your daughter and Lexi. God bless you and yours, jan.
tati, May 27, 2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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This is beautiful, jan, you've made wonderful descriptions with words that flow so smoothly, so heartfelt and powerful too. I also like the imagery and your message. You can be proud to dedicate this lovely rhymed triolet to your daughter and Lexi. God bless you and yours, jan.
tati, May 27, 2010
Comment Written 27-May-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thanks, tati. love, jan
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a poem you can be proud to dedicate to your daughter (or granddaughter) or mine or anyone's. You've struck a universal nerve with this superb poem, Rdfrdmom2.
Bless you,
Jay
reply by the author on 26-May-2010
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This is a poem you can be proud to dedicate to your daughter (or granddaughter) or mine or anyone's. You've struck a universal nerve with this superb poem, Rdfrdmom2.
Bless you,
Jay
Comment Written 26-May-2010
reply by the author on 26-May-2010
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thanks, Jay. yes, this is for my darling granddaughter, Alexis. I will add it to her book, Dear Lexi. love, jan
