Evil in Paradise
Part One44 total reviews
Comment from Sharesy
This was excellent, Carol. You've already set the stage with one unlikeable character, (James) plus one questionable character (the ranger). The suspense builds nicely.
I do wonder why you categorize each chapter as a stand alone story, of what is is most certainly a book. The following chapters are hard to find. I'm just curious about the reasoning behind using each chapter as story, rather than a book chapter.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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This was excellent, Carol. You've already set the stage with one unlikeable character, (James) plus one questionable character (the ranger). The suspense builds nicely.
I do wonder why you categorize each chapter as a stand alone story, of what is is most certainly a book. The following chapters are hard to find. I'm just curious about the reasoning behind using each chapter as story, rather than a book chapter.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
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Sharesy,
Thanks...Carol
Comment from shygirl21
During the first few hours of driving - I love this para because you effortlessly lay the groundwork for your characters. James, successful business man (bit stuffy maybe? Workaholic? I'll have to wait and see!) and Carrie and her sorority sisters...this gives us an idea of her age, making it clear there is a bit of an age gap between the two lovers. So is she an old soul or his he young at heart, or is one changing for the other? Love it.
His physique, clothed or not, made her body tingle. - hooooo, think I'm gonna like this guy :)
she playfully teased him, something she normally shied away from after one of his long days.
- suspect it is Carrie that is doing the changing! This statement is the exact reason I've never gone for older guys lol
"You knew what you were getting into, Carrie. I thought you were okay with it," he snapped.
- ouch...hot bod or not, he seems a jerk!
After all, he was law enforcement.
- this statement makes me crazy uncomfortable! Its why I don't watch movies with dirty cops or conspiracy theories lmao
Wowee! I loved this - you gave perfect descriptions and made it literally sound like paradise. If you drop the evil, can I visit there? Please? Lol - seriously, Carol, I loved this opening to what I'm guessing is gonna be an smashing story! Can't wait to read the next instalment!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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During the first few hours of driving - I love this para because you effortlessly lay the groundwork for your characters. James, successful business man (bit stuffy maybe? Workaholic? I'll have to wait and see!) and Carrie and her sorority sisters...this gives us an idea of her age, making it clear there is a bit of an age gap between the two lovers. So is she an old soul or his he young at heart, or is one changing for the other? Love it.
His physique, clothed or not, made her body tingle. - hooooo, think I'm gonna like this guy :)
she playfully teased him, something she normally shied away from after one of his long days.
- suspect it is Carrie that is doing the changing! This statement is the exact reason I've never gone for older guys lol
"You knew what you were getting into, Carrie. I thought you were okay with it," he snapped.
- ouch...hot bod or not, he seems a jerk!
After all, he was law enforcement.
- this statement makes me crazy uncomfortable! Its why I don't watch movies with dirty cops or conspiracy theories lmao
Wowee! I loved this - you gave perfect descriptions and made it literally sound like paradise. If you drop the evil, can I visit there? Please? Lol - seriously, Carol, I loved this opening to what I'm guessing is gonna be an smashing story! Can't wait to read the next instalment!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Pam,
Glad you are enjoying my style..I appreciate it very much. Carol
Comment from RobinWrites
The second paragraph is incredible. I've the images it conjures in my mind - they are the same I had as a child growing up in LA and driving up to the mountains for a reprieve from the oppressive city. Though I don't remember having any weird park rangers scaring the tar out of us. Vivid detail and a wonderful read. I love how you wove the story of James in with the drive up the mountain. Great job.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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The second paragraph is incredible. I've the images it conjures in my mind - they are the same I had as a child growing up in LA and driving up to the mountains for a reprieve from the oppressive city. Though I don't remember having any weird park rangers scaring the tar out of us. Vivid detail and a wonderful read. I love how you wove the story of James in with the drive up the mountain. Great job.
Comment Written 29-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Robin,
I remember traveling when I was young from a big city through the Smokey Mountains..this was how my mind recalled it. Called you enjoyed and I thank you for the wonderful encouragement and stars. CArol
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, you certainly have a way of grabbing
the reader's attention. An enjoyable read,
leaving me wondering what will happen next,
which is what good writing is all about.
She'd wept for hours. - might I suggest you move this down to the start of the next line, where it seems to belong.
made her (feel) uncomfortable
You're so talented, Carol.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Oh, you certainly have a way of grabbing
the reader's attention. An enjoyable read,
leaving me wondering what will happen next,
which is what good writing is all about.
She'd wept for hours. - might I suggest you move this down to the start of the next line, where it seems to belong.
made her (feel) uncomfortable
You're so talented, Carol.
Margaret.
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Margaret,
Sorry this is so male in responding...I have been suffering from poison ivy all over my body and especially in my swollen eyes. Thank you...Carol
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Oh, so sorry to hear that, Carol - my dear, hope you've found some relief. Hugs Margaret.
Comment from melyuki
well sis you never fail to keep me amused with your tantelizing tales.. this is starting out to be some good mystery by the feel of it.. setting the right mood from the start to get us sucked in , and it works.. mmmm park ranger eh.. sounds a bit off the planet to me he does.. but we will see, as time moves this story on.. so far, so good, keep us posted as the eyes start to improve.. truly, would you even go and do a poison ivy trick just to slow down this adventure.. surely not... well hugs to you sis, luving it to date.. luv from your little meany sister, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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well sis you never fail to keep me amused with your tantelizing tales.. this is starting out to be some good mystery by the feel of it.. setting the right mood from the start to get us sucked in , and it works.. mmmm park ranger eh.. sounds a bit off the planet to me he does.. but we will see, as time moves this story on.. so far, so good, keep us posted as the eyes start to improve.. truly, would you even go and do a poison ivy trick just to slow down this adventure.. surely not... well hugs to you sis, luving it to date.. luv from your little meany sister, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Comment Written 21-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Sis,
As you can see I am way behind on answering or reading anything..these darn itches are driving me star raving mad..and you thought you were doing it all by yourself...hahahaha Sis
Comment from jl & bandit
Really great one Carrol !!!
Haad me one the edge a few times... thats good right?? Just kidding !!
The only thing I saw was blonde was mis-spelled ... unless that was how you intended it .
I very much enjoyed this !!
JL&B
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Really great one Carrol !!!
Haad me one the edge a few times... thats good right?? Just kidding !!
The only thing I saw was blonde was mis-spelled ... unless that was how you intended it .
I very much enjoyed this !!
JL&B
Comment Written 21-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Lynne,
Sorry this is so male in responding...I have been suffering from poison ivy all over my body and especially in my swollen eyes. Thank you...Carol
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OOOO we dont have poison ivy here we have poison oak...either way its AWEFUL, really hope you get over it soon.
JLynne
Comment from k8edid
Good job building suspense and building character. Excellent imagery. Will there be more to this? You have made a fine start to what could be more than just another tourist-threatened-by-nature story. Is it a bear? Is the ranger a psychopath? Is James secretly mutilating women in his spare time? Or is Carrie having an "episode"?
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Good job building suspense and building character. Excellent imagery. Will there be more to this? You have made a fine start to what could be more than just another tourist-threatened-by-nature story. Is it a bear? Is the ranger a psychopath? Is James secretly mutilating women in his spare time? Or is Carrie having an "episode"?
Comment Written 21-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
Sorry this is so late in responding...I have been suffering from poison ivy all over my body and especially in my swollen eyes. Your kind comments are greatly appreciated. Thank you...Carol
Comment from FredCollingwood
This ranger gives me th ecreeps. Can't wait to read Part 2. One eency beency comment:
She hesitated before she answered(,) but mentally scolded herself > remove comma
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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This ranger gives me th ecreeps. Can't wait to read Part 2. One eency beency comment:
She hesitated before she answered(,) but mentally scolded herself > remove comma
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Please forgive me for this cut and paste response. I've been having a bit of a thriller myself - been clearing trees, shrubs and weeds and a ringer called poison ivy jumped into the match. I lost and my eyes now resemble a prize fighter--swollen to the max. I can squint today so I wanted to let you know I appreciate your reading and will try to continue the story tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for your continued support and understanding...Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
This story has all the makings of a great book. I hope you are going to take it further. I'm glad to see this is part 1. Your descriptions are wonderful. I don't know how the guy who appears to be a park ranger will fit with the thoughtd Carrie is having about the previous night with James, but I hope James comes back into the story at some point along the way.
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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This story has all the makings of a great book. I hope you are going to take it further. I'm glad to see this is part 1. Your descriptions are wonderful. I don't know how the guy who appears to be a park ranger will fit with the thoughtd Carrie is having about the previous night with James, but I hope James comes back into the story at some point along the way.
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Please forgive me for this cut and paste response. I've been having a bit of a thriller myself - been clearing trees, shrubs and weeds and a ringer called poison ivy jumped into the match. I lost and my eyes now resemble a prize fighter--swollen to the max. I can squint today so I wanted to let you know I appreciate your reading and will try to continue the story tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for your continued support and understanding...Smiles, Carol
Comment from MJMuraco
Your story is excellently written with great descriptive imagery and lots of suspense. You made the reader want to keep reading to hear what James was going to say next and what the ranger was going to do. The vultures only added to the suspense. Great write!
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Your story is excellently written with great descriptive imagery and lots of suspense. You made the reader want to keep reading to hear what James was going to say next and what the ranger was going to do. The vultures only added to the suspense. Great write!
Comment Written 20-May-2010
reply by the author on 21-May-2010
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Please forgive me for this cut and paste response. I've been having a bit of a thriller myself - been clearing trees, shrubs and weeds and a ringer called poison ivy jumped into the match. I lost and my eyes now resemble a prize fighter--swollen to the max. I can squint today so I wanted to let you know I appreciate your reading and will try to continue the story tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for your continued support and understanding...Smiles, Carol
