Comment from Ponder

Excellent

Hi Author,

LoOl, this is the first 'non preachy' story I've read in this contest, I thought it was imaginative and realistic. It is well told and well written with no mistakes that I can see.

Good luck in the contest,
Jules

 Comment Written 12-May-2010

Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi,

I am a fan of the short story that tells so much with little. This one is no exception. You developed your characters well and even made this reader feel bad for poor Steven. Then there is Nigel! Well done and good luck in the contest....chey

 Comment Written 12-May-2010

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

These really do sound like a group of college guys, trying to hook their friend up, bantering teasingly with each other, Nigel not able to resist the young woman who seduces him. :-)
Great way to convey personality through dialogue. Brooke

 Comment Written 12-May-2010

Comment from missy98writer

Excellent

Writer,
Excellent story you've written for the contest God Intentions - Bad results. The roommates failed in finding their friend, Steven a woman instead Nigel hit on the cute little Latina. Great characterization, descriptive writing and good narrative. Your story is a wonderful story to enter in the contest. Good luck in the voting booth.
Missy.

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

---

reply by the author on 12-May-2010

Thank you, Missy. I appreciate your comments.

Comment from sgalletti

Excellent

Fun, unique and creative approach to the contest prompt. Go Nigel! "give Steven a hand..." --great play on words. Good luck in the contest. Sue

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

---

reply by the author on 11-May-2010

You're the only one that got the play on words, so far. Thanks for a thorough read.

Comment from anabelle

Excellent

Interesting take on the contest. It sounds like things didn't quite go the way it was expected.

You have a change of pov. 'Four of us...' first-person. 'The next thing they witnessed...' third person.

Good luck in the contest.

Regards, anabelle

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

---

reply by the author on 11-May-2010

I just fixed the pov issue. Thanks for pointing it out.

reply by anabelle on 12-May-2010

You're very welcome.

Comment from suneagle

Good

Bad result for Steven, I guess. But good for Nigel. Incidentally, you started in first person narration--Nigel's--but switched later to third person. Did you realise that?

"Jorge, don't the girls you and Matt date, have a friend that we could hook Steven up with?"
(Delete the second comma.)

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

---

reply by the author on 12-May-2010

Thanks, Suneagle. Thanks for pointing the pov issue out. I missed it when I reread the story, but have since edited it. - Thesis

Comment from wierdgrace

Excellent

what a great story for this contest, no errors and no revisions, I loved it, the characters and the diolouge well done and well said, good luck in this contest. hope you get many votes.

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

---

reply by the author on 11-May-2010

Thank you, Grace. I always enjoy your wonderful reviews. Cheers.

reply by wierdgrace on 11-May-2010

u r so welcome

Comment from Rama Rao

Good

Although your story made good reading you showed only the good intentions part and left out the bad results. Steven, the nerd, was left in the same state as before and nothing bad happened to him. In fact, nothing bad happened to anyone in the story.


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 10-May-2010

---

reply by the author on 10-May-2010

Good intentions were to get him a date, bad results were when Nigel kept her for himself.

Comment from Belinda

Excellent

Good intentions, good results ... for Nigel! Steven remains unattached. Ha-ha, an interesting story for this contest. I wish you luck.

 Comment Written 10-May-2010

---

reply by the author on 10-May-2010

Tank you for your kind words.