Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Life"A book of Poetry & Writing
134 total reviews
Comment from Judith Ann
This poem tells a very true story. I love how you encourage folks to keep trying, reach higher and don't whine if you aren't giving it your best. A lesson we all need to hear. Very nice. -Judy
reply by the author on 08-May-2010
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This poem tells a very true story. I love how you encourage folks to keep trying, reach higher and don't whine if you aren't giving it your best. A lesson we all need to hear. Very nice. -Judy
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 08-May-2010
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thank you Judy
Comment from Arkine
Wonderfully said. You'd think that everyone would be supportive if you are reaching for new goals, fact is, a lot of them aren't. But the few that are, the few that stay, those are the friends that you want to keep with you. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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Wonderfully said. You'd think that everyone would be supportive if you are reaching for new goals, fact is, a lot of them aren't. But the few that are, the few that stay, those are the friends that you want to keep with you. Nicely done!
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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thank you for your review arkine
Comment from fionageorge
Excellent and well structured poem, with a deep philosophical and even spiritual meaning. Wise words, presented in a free flowing poem, with excellent rhythm and rhyme.
One little nit:
The phoenix that rise's [rises]
Warmest regards,
Marijke
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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Excellent and well structured poem, with a deep philosophical and even spiritual meaning. Wise words, presented in a free flowing poem, with excellent rhythm and rhyme.
One little nit:
The phoenix that rise's [rises]
Warmest regards,
Marijke
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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thank you for your review and comments fionageorge
Comment from WRITER1
I think at times we d become lazy. We stop trying to do more and have a tendency to do much less. I liked your piece and believe we could learn a good lesson.
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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I think at times we d become lazy. We stop trying to do more and have a tendency to do much less. I liked your piece and believe we could learn a good lesson.
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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thank you again writer1
Comment from FredCollingwood
You're quickly becoming one of my favorite poets on FanStory. This is another inspiring one.
Real friends will stay, locked deep in your heart
So always remember the place that you start
Excellent wording!
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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You're quickly becoming one of my favorite poets on FanStory. This is another inspiring one.
Real friends will stay, locked deep in your heart
So always remember the place that you start
Excellent wording!
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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thank you Fred now all i need is smoeone to help with my spelling , thanks for reading
Comment from almajac
My favoriite part-
You have it within you, to reach and fly high
So remove your defenses, go reach for the sky
Rises doesn't need an apostrophe.
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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My favoriite part-
You have it within you, to reach and fly high
So remove your defenses, go reach for the sky
Rises doesn't need an apostrophe.
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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thanks for the comments almajac and for reading
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Deepwater ...
I have read this with interest, as it is the first chapter of a book on which you are embarking. I have given you 4 stars, hoping that you will consider the changes recommended ...
* In a few places, you do not have correct rhyming ...
reach/succeed ... are/start ... have the same vowel sounds but do not really rhyme. With a bit of thought, this should be easy to correct.
* You have - So remove your defenses, go reach for the sky ... I suggest - and reach for the sky ... because, your next line starts with Go ...
* You have - Go forward with gusto show life what you are ... this should be - Go forward with gusto - show life what you are ...
* You have - The phoenix that rise's ... this should be -
The phoenix that rises - not rise's ....
* In some places, you have punctuation and use commas but you have not got full-stops where they are applicable.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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Hullo Deepwater ...
I have read this with interest, as it is the first chapter of a book on which you are embarking. I have given you 4 stars, hoping that you will consider the changes recommended ...
* In a few places, you do not have correct rhyming ...
reach/succeed ... are/start ... have the same vowel sounds but do not really rhyme. With a bit of thought, this should be easy to correct.
* You have - So remove your defenses, go reach for the sky ... I suggest - and reach for the sky ... because, your next line starts with Go ...
* You have - Go forward with gusto show life what you are ... this should be - Go forward with gusto - show life what you are ...
* You have - The phoenix that rise's ... this should be -
The phoenix that rises - not rise's ....
* In some places, you have punctuation and use commas but you have not got full-stops where they are applicable.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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thanks for the comments Nanatte i will be making change later tonight and thanks for reading
Comment from krdeering
This is a good message, and you chose a thought-provoking image to pair it with.
I noticed your disclaimer about spelling and grammar. Does that mean prefer not to have any corrections--or do you welcome basic corrections?
In this poem, one basic spelling fix would be:
"rise's" (should be "rises," without the apostrophe)
(Oh, cute--I created a little couplet just then!)
Also, unless you have a strong preference for using no line-end punctuation, I think that adding some would help greatly. These are fairly long lines and the poem reads like prose. You do use commas and such within the lines, so consistency might help readers. By the same token, adding an extra space between stanzas (currently identifiable only by the rhyme pattern) might make the poem more pleasing to the eye as well as the ear. Just some suggestions.
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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This is a good message, and you chose a thought-provoking image to pair it with.
I noticed your disclaimer about spelling and grammar. Does that mean prefer not to have any corrections--or do you welcome basic corrections?
In this poem, one basic spelling fix would be:
"rise's" (should be "rises," without the apostrophe)
(Oh, cute--I created a little couplet just then!)
Also, unless you have a strong preference for using no line-end punctuation, I think that adding some would help greatly. These are fairly long lines and the poem reads like prose. You do use commas and such within the lines, so consistency might help readers. By the same token, adding an extra space between stanzas (currently identifiable only by the rhyme pattern) might make the poem more pleasing to the eye as well as the ear. Just some suggestions.
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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krdeering i welcome comments am the worlds worst speller thanks for reading
Comment from DrCarter2001
A great poem, with a wonderful message. The rhythm flows well and you have some vivid images. I just found a few nits:
"Sadness is," (no comma)
"Alone in the darkness, with dreams" (no comma)
"But criticize others," ( no comma)
"You have it within you," (no comma)
"Go forward with gusto" (needs a semicolon or period)
"The phoenix that rise's" (no apostrophe)
hope that's helpful for you. Cheers!
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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A great poem, with a wonderful message. The rhythm flows well and you have some vivid images. I just found a few nits:
"Sadness is," (no comma)
"Alone in the darkness, with dreams" (no comma)
"But criticize others," ( no comma)
"You have it within you," (no comma)
"Go forward with gusto" (needs a semicolon or period)
"The phoenix that rise's" (no apostrophe)
hope that's helpful for you. Cheers!
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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Thank you Dr Carter for reading and thanks for the comments i will get to make changes tonight as i hope more are on the way, Regards
Gary
Comment from bowls
Very inspirational. In line 8 I like the reference to the phoenix rising, allowing a new beginning. RISE'S should be RISES. (Rise's is a contraction for rise is, which wouldn't make sense here.)
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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Very inspirational. In line 8 I like the reference to the phoenix rising, allowing a new beginning. RISE'S should be RISES. (Rise's is a contraction for rise is, which wouldn't make sense here.)
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
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thank you for your comments bowls i will change tonight i just know more comments are on the way...Gary
