Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "storm warning"A book of Poetry & Writing
178 total reviews
Comment from Norbanus
That's quite a story for just a few lines
Images showing us scenes it defines.
Watching the sea rip the vessel to shreds
Shows us a picture every sailor dreads
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That's quite a story for just a few lines
Images showing us scenes it defines.
Watching the sea rip the vessel to shreds
Shows us a picture every sailor dreads
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from RGstar
What a beautiful write.
I The imagery was strong and clear, the feeling of being there was immense.
Your words flowed beautifully.
One small thing;
''someone has caught me, carries me high, warm smiling faces with glows in their eyes''
As you are not using the word ''glows'' as a verb, it may serve you well to change it to ''glow'' instead, take away the 's' or ''warm smiling faces with glowing eyes'' may be an alternative.
Having said that, it does not detract from the wonderful poem you have written.
have a great day
Best wishes,
RG
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What a beautiful write.
I The imagery was strong and clear, the feeling of being there was immense.
Your words flowed beautifully.
One small thing;
''someone has caught me, carries me high, warm smiling faces with glows in their eyes''
As you are not using the word ''glows'' as a verb, it may serve you well to change it to ''glow'' instead, take away the 's' or ''warm smiling faces with glowing eyes'' may be an alternative.
Having said that, it does not detract from the wonderful poem you have written.
have a great day
Best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from dragonpoet
Well told story in this poem about a sailor falling at see. I fights the water like any soldier fights on land. It has strong images and emotion. The ending has sadness in the thoughts or his family's mourning and happiness in that he has returned to his original home to be with the rest of the sailors that have died.
The whole poem can also just be a metaphor for life.
Apt illustration.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
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Well told story in this poem about a sailor falling at see. I fights the water like any soldier fights on land. It has strong images and emotion. The ending has sadness in the thoughts or his family's mourning and happiness in that he has returned to his original home to be with the rest of the sailors that have died.
The whole poem can also just be a metaphor for life.
Apt illustration.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from DR DIP
yeah really really NICE..just a few things to watch out for when doing one line double rhyme.
suggest you revisit a few of the lines and rework for perfect and not proximate rhyme please do not take this as a criticism of your beautiful descriptive poetry bu just an observation as a fellow rhymer and perceiver of this lovely piece
As I sail this moonlit sea on my own, a storm has found me out of my zone
this sea is a mountain I'll have to fly, white caps of fury, so hard to espy
suggest:
"time has stopped ticking in her watery grave, I'm all alone with this seas monstrous rave"
"slipping beneath now, tears fill each eye, thinking of loved ones this storm tries to defy"
"but someone has caught me, gives me high fives, warm smiling faces with glows in their eyes"
just my thoughts on perfect rhyme well you get my gist I take it
I still love it nonetheless
dip
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yeah really really NICE..just a few things to watch out for when doing one line double rhyme.
suggest you revisit a few of the lines and rework for perfect and not proximate rhyme please do not take this as a criticism of your beautiful descriptive poetry bu just an observation as a fellow rhymer and perceiver of this lovely piece
As I sail this moonlit sea on my own, a storm has found me out of my zone
this sea is a mountain I'll have to fly, white caps of fury, so hard to espy
suggest:
"time has stopped ticking in her watery grave, I'm all alone with this seas monstrous rave"
"slipping beneath now, tears fill each eye, thinking of loved ones this storm tries to defy"
"but someone has caught me, gives me high fives, warm smiling faces with glows in their eyes"
just my thoughts on perfect rhyme well you get my gist I take it
I still love it nonetheless
dip
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from Aussie
I love the sea and all her moods - our country is surrounded by sea. I liked your musings and the story/poem was well written, informative, descriptive and with a good ending after losing the boat. Well done poet.
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I love the sea and all her moods - our country is surrounded by sea. I liked your musings and the story/poem was well written, informative, descriptive and with a good ending after losing the boat. Well done poet.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from sunnilicious
Sailing at night sounds mighty dangerous like pirates lost in the ocean water. That is a scary situation to go through.... Heartbreaking. Just then... a rescue. Emotional. Creative. Wonderful work.
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Sailing at night sounds mighty dangerous like pirates lost in the ocean water. That is a scary situation to go through.... Heartbreaking. Just then... a rescue. Emotional. Creative. Wonderful work.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from l.raven
This poem reminds of the movie...the perfect storm...you never know what can happen...the dangers you encounter a sea...so very well written...a great story told...and the perfect picture...Luff Linda xxoo
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This poem reminds of the movie...the perfect storm...you never know what can happen...the dangers you encounter a sea...so very well written...a great story told...and the perfect picture...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from vapros
This is a fine poem about a man on the sea, and I enjoyed reading it. A storm on the water is a very serious event, and few people can appreciate the fear that can attend it, until it's over. You wrote this very well.
v
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This is a fine poem about a man on the sea, and I enjoyed reading it. A storm on the water is a very serious event, and few people can appreciate the fear that can attend it, until it's over. You wrote this very well.
v
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
Comment from lappmellott
I love your poem about the sea and how quickly things can change there, from fun and fancy to one approaching death. The photograph is so appropriate. Good luck on your poetry.
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I love your poem about the sea and how quickly things can change there, from fun and fancy to one approaching death. The photograph is so appropriate. Good luck on your poetry.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
Comment from amahra
I'm so sorry I couldn't read this, but didn't want to give you a low rating. I just had eye surgery and can't read small print or the type of font you used. But great photo.
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I'm so sorry I couldn't read this, but didn't want to give you a low rating. I just had eye surgery and can't read small print or the type of font you used. But great photo.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
