Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "storm warning"A book of Poetry & Writing
178 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am curious why all you posts don't show up in my PM's. Only some of them do. HUMMMMM, that's strange. This is very well written and I enjoyed reading it. It was full of descriptive words that helped the reader feel the emotion.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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I am curious why all you posts don't show up in my PM's. Only some of them do. HUMMMMM, that's strange. This is very well written and I enjoyed reading it. It was full of descriptive words that helped the reader feel the emotion.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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thank you for your welcome comments Barbara Gary
Comment from Bryana
Beautiful description of a stormy sea. The use of words is perfect. These two lines caught my attention...
slipping beneath now, fears fill my eyes thinking
of the loved ones I leave behind.
This is so true, when our lives are in danger we think of our family, of our loved ones.
Have a happy weekend.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Beautiful description of a stormy sea. The use of words is perfect. These two lines caught my attention...
slipping beneath now, fears fill my eyes thinking
of the loved ones I leave behind.
This is so true, when our lives are in danger we think of our family, of our loved ones.
Have a happy weekend.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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thank you Bryana for your welcome review
Comment from mountainwriter49
Your poem offers a vivid read and one that continues
the theme of your other works. I felt this poem was
a fine addition to your series. I felt your last two lines
were the most beautiful.
May I offer several suggestions for you to consider? I offer
these comments with upmost respect for you and your poem.
Improved use of punctuation would help separate thoughts and
make the read flow easier as well as not force the reader to think
twice about what you're saying. For example:
this sea is a mountain I'll have to fly[,] white caps of fury, so hard to survive
screams'[delete apostrophe] from this monster
swim from the rigging as she turns to die, slowly slips under[,] I say goodbye
[this reads like you're saying goodbye as you slip under. I think you mean the ship is slipping under. the comma separates the thoughts]
but someone has caught me, carries me high[,] warm smiling faces with glows in their eyes
I have come home now, at rest in this place[,] The Sea,[delete comma] and its Sailors, we sail in God's grace.
-Thanks for posting
ray
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Your poem offers a vivid read and one that continues
the theme of your other works. I felt this poem was
a fine addition to your series. I felt your last two lines
were the most beautiful.
May I offer several suggestions for you to consider? I offer
these comments with upmost respect for you and your poem.
Improved use of punctuation would help separate thoughts and
make the read flow easier as well as not force the reader to think
twice about what you're saying. For example:
this sea is a mountain I'll have to fly[,] white caps of fury, so hard to survive
screams'[delete apostrophe] from this monster
swim from the rigging as she turns to die, slowly slips under[,] I say goodbye
[this reads like you're saying goodbye as you slip under. I think you mean the ship is slipping under. the comma separates the thoughts]
but someone has caught me, carries me high[,] warm smiling faces with glows in their eyes
I have come home now, at rest in this place[,] The Sea,[delete comma] and its Sailors, we sail in God's grace.
-Thanks for posting
ray
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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thank you ray for your welcome comments and review
Comment from c_lucas
At rest in the sea. This is a very well written poem with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easyr read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
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I think you've pretty much nailed it. Good job.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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At rest in the sea. This is a very well written poem with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easyr read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
*************************
I think you've pretty much nailed it. Good job.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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thank you Mr C for your review and comments GW
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You're welcome, Gary. Charlie
Comment from Black-Saphire
no need of the apostraphe after screams.
rigging what? "Swims from the rigging as she..." rigging water?
comma after high.
period after place.
Good job though! This was a great, powerful, read! You wrote with emotion and a beautiful use of words! Great job, keep it up :)
-Jade
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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no need of the apostraphe after screams.
rigging what? "Swims from the rigging as she..." rigging water?
comma after high.
period after place.
Good job though! This was a great, powerful, read! You wrote with emotion and a beautiful use of words! Great job, keep it up :)
-Jade
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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thank you for your review Jade
Comment from prophetess
Excellent read GW. I really like the flow of this poem. It holds a lot of emotion in a short write. Personally I don't care for the font as it distacted me from the poem, but that is just an opinion. I really enjoyed the imagery and felt the deperation and violence of the sea, and finally the resolute feeling of the end of life, and "going home" Thank you for sharing your art with us here on FS.
Prophetess
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Excellent read GW. I really like the flow of this poem. It holds a lot of emotion in a short write. Personally I don't care for the font as it distacted me from the poem, but that is just an opinion. I really enjoyed the imagery and felt the deperation and violence of the sea, and finally the resolute feeling of the end of life, and "going home" Thank you for sharing your art with us here on FS.
Prophetess
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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thank you for your review FS
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You're welcome
Comment from DrJane
Beautiful imagery as the reader is drawn into this frightening experience with you, hoping you will survive. Just a few possible notes: (I'm numbering the long lines, not the short)
Line 3: no apostrophe after "screams"
Line 7: comma after "slowly slips under"
Line 11: comma after "high"
perhaps change "glows" to "glow"
Line 12: period after "place"
Thanks for a moving experience with this poem.
Blessings,
Jane Westerfield
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Beautiful imagery as the reader is drawn into this frightening experience with you, hoping you will survive. Just a few possible notes: (I'm numbering the long lines, not the short)
Line 3: no apostrophe after "screams"
Line 7: comma after "slowly slips under"
Line 11: comma after "high"
perhaps change "glows" to "glow"
Line 12: period after "place"
Thanks for a moving experience with this poem.
Blessings,
Jane Westerfield
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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thank you for your welcome comments DrJ
Comment from wholechild
Very nice. You bring the reader along with you in this story of survival in the sea during a storm. It sounds as though faith was able to get the person through. I am curious if this is a true story.
Shannon
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Very nice. You bring the reader along with you in this story of survival in the sea during a storm. It sounds as though faith was able to get the person through. I am curious if this is a true story.
Shannon
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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welcome Shannon and thank you for the review ( my grandad in 1956
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi GW,
I love to write about the sea so this poem is very appealing to me. I used my last six a few minutes ago or it would be yours. A melancholy poem that is well crafted and a joy to read. Well done, chey
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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Hi GW,
I love to write about the sea so this poem is very appealing to me. I used my last six a few minutes ago or it would be yours. A melancholy poem that is well crafted and a joy to read. Well done, chey
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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your most welcome chey and thank you for the review
Comment from Amfunny
This is a very nicely written poem. The only thing I could see was that it needs some sort of punctuation in this line:
but someone has caught me, carries me high warm smiling faces with glows in their eyes
Maybe a comma after the word high?
A pleasure to read and review.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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This is a very nicely written poem. The only thing I could see was that it needs some sort of punctuation in this line:
but someone has caught me, carries me high warm smiling faces with glows in their eyes
Maybe a comma after the word high?
A pleasure to read and review.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2010
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thank you Amfunny for the review
