Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Heartaches & cowboys"A book of Poetry & Writing
37 total reviews
Comment from Bobby Jo
I married a farmer who is 10 years older than me. We have 3 beautiful children. My mom always worried that I would want more in life as we aged. She figured our age difference would matter more when we got older. That he would not want to do the things I want to do. In some ways, I see it. But our lives are intertwined and love is alive and our candle is still burning. Good write.
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I married a farmer who is 10 years older than me. We have 3 beautiful children. My mom always worried that I would want more in life as we aged. She figured our age difference would matter more when we got older. That he would not want to do the things I want to do. In some ways, I see it. But our lives are intertwined and love is alive and our candle is still burning. Good write.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from McMurry903
I really enjoyed your poem, GW. Rather than free verse as you stated in your notes I would call this quatrains with an AABB rhyme scheme, successful quatrains at that. I liked the somber tone and can relate to the ups and downs of life that you nicely conveyed. I also liked the repeated lines as it added great impact to your story.
Excellent work!
Brian
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I really enjoyed your poem, GW. Rather than free verse as you stated in your notes I would call this quatrains with an AABB rhyme scheme, successful quatrains at that. I liked the somber tone and can relate to the ups and downs of life that you nicely conveyed. I also liked the repeated lines as it added great impact to your story.
Excellent work!
Brian
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from Tegan1311
A very well done poem. Sad, but not too much. Your words flowed well and your message was clear and easy to understand. One thing, in the 3rd paragraph, line 3 you say, "both came from 'deferent' worlds" I think it should be different.
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A very well done poem. Sad, but not too much. Your words flowed well and your message was clear and easy to understand. One thing, in the 3rd paragraph, line 3 you say, "both came from 'deferent' worlds" I think it should be different.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from c_lucas
Man is basically a social animal. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very smooth read. There is good imagery.
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Man is basically a social animal. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very smooth read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Hi there,
this is really a good poem, I like the flow and it truly feels like a song. I made up a tune as I went along. The old cowboy will just keep riding and checking the ranchland with his lady on his mind. Sad that she is gone, but her memories are there forever.
Good luck in the contest, you certainly nailed the 'Sad.'
:-) Carolyn
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Hi there,
this is really a good poem, I like the flow and it truly feels like a song. I made up a tune as I went along. The old cowboy will just keep riding and checking the ranchland with his lady on his mind. Sad that she is gone, but her memories are there forever.
Good luck in the contest, you certainly nailed the 'Sad.'
:-) Carolyn
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Eric1
The flow of this lovely poem is just right, but I can't help feeling that if you could improve the rhyming in verse one high/side and verse three worlds/yearned it would greatly enhance your wonderful poem.
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The flow of this lovely poem is just right, but I can't help feeling that if you could improve the rhyming in verse one high/side and verse three worlds/yearned it would greatly enhance your wonderful poem.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi GW,
Indeed, when two worlds collide, something has to give. I think being a cowboy, is like to my being a country gal. No matter that I now live in the dessert by circumstance, a piece of my heart will always be country.
So it would, I surmise, be the same for a cowboy if he left it behind to please a woman. If they part, than as your poem says, heartaches abide.
Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers, &
Keep Smilin'... Jax
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Hi GW,
Indeed, when two worlds collide, something has to give. I think being a cowboy, is like to my being a country gal. No matter that I now live in the dessert by circumstance, a piece of my heart will always be country.
So it would, I surmise, be the same for a cowboy if he left it behind to please a woman. If they part, than as your poem says, heartaches abide.
Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers, &
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Domino 2
This is the best of yours I remember reading.
Top proximate rhyme with 'high/side'.
Excellent story in a poem of love gained and lost, plus thoughtful observations as to why.
The meter is somewhat patchy - excellent in some lines, and just missing a beat in others, but I still thoroughly enjoyed the read.
Best wishes, Ray
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This is the best of yours I remember reading.
Top proximate rhyme with 'high/side'.
Excellent story in a poem of love gained and lost, plus thoughtful observations as to why.
The meter is somewhat patchy - excellent in some lines, and just missing a beat in others, but I still thoroughly enjoyed the read.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Mariea
You have a great talent as a writer. It's hard to understand someone not loving the land and why they would want to leave it.
Structure - well put together and developed
Rhyme - 3rd stanza a bit interrupted but generally consistent.
3rd Stanza - deferent/different
Hugs, Mia
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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You have a great talent as a writer. It's hard to understand someone not loving the land and why they would want to leave it.
Structure - well put together and developed
Rhyme - 3rd stanza a bit interrupted but generally consistent.
3rd Stanza - deferent/different
Hugs, Mia
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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thank you for reading
Comment from jlsavell
author, this is a poignant story in a poem that drives home the love of a woman only to have lost her. I fell it could be tightened in its language and therefore have a more powerful impact. The beautiful tragic story gets lost in the verbiage and the lack of meter..it does have wonderful potential..best wishes on the contest..jlsavell
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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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author, this is a poignant story in a poem that drives home the love of a woman only to have lost her. I fell it could be tightened in its language and therefore have a more powerful impact. The beautiful tragic story gets lost in the verbiage and the lack of meter..it does have wonderful potential..best wishes on the contest..jlsavell
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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thanks for the comments Jl
