Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Riding to forget,"A book of Poetry & Writing
121 total reviews
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Nice addition to your book, Gary. I think that your poem rhymed really well, and held a special energy. Very good job.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Nice addition to your book, Gary. I think that your poem rhymed really well, and held a special energy. Very good job.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you Isaiah am working offshore but will be writing again soon
Comment from anabellapongasi
This is a good story in a poem about a cowboy and his ranch and his troubled marriage. Nicely written, good visuals. I enjoyed the imagery. Good job.
Anabella
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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This is a good story in a poem about a cowboy and his ranch and his troubled marriage. Nicely written, good visuals. I enjoyed the imagery. Good job.
Anabella
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review
Comment from sopranodebs
Excellent piece of work. How clever you are. No SPAG; syllables and pauses are perfect. Awesome flow in this piece and a true story to behold. Well done. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Excellent piece of work. How clever you are. No SPAG; syllables and pauses are perfect. Awesome flow in this piece and a true story to behold. Well done. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review
Comment from jacksonroque
I like the feel of this and all women are impossible to understand which is why men find them so alluring and frustrating. I would of liked to know a little more of the love story but you did capture the life of the cowboy relly well.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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I like the feel of this and all women are impossible to understand which is why men find them so alluring and frustrating. I would of liked to know a little more of the love story but you did capture the life of the cowboy relly well.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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you have reviewed this the second time
Comment from Father Flaps
Good story, but needs some work with meter.
A good line I liked:
"Riding to forget"... you could have played more with this line
You mentioned how the cowboy only stopped to fix the section (of fence) that was down... you might have dwelled a bit more on this idea... he could fix the fence, but not his marriage.
"his life is hardly fair" might be better
Some things are easily fixable... like
"fences in the lowland, and wells that come up dry"
"Four o'clock next morning, he saddles up his mount.
The status of his marriage was very much in doubt."
deepwater, this poem can be great. But you need to have rythym. Sometimes all you need to do is drop a word. Only say what is needed. And always look for a better way to say what you've written. Remember, you can never tweak enough. You can always improve your poetry. Even when you think its purr-fect!!! Write on!
Kim
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Good story, but needs some work with meter.
A good line I liked:
"Riding to forget"... you could have played more with this line
You mentioned how the cowboy only stopped to fix the section (of fence) that was down... you might have dwelled a bit more on this idea... he could fix the fence, but not his marriage.
"his life is hardly fair" might be better
Some things are easily fixable... like
"fences in the lowland, and wells that come up dry"
"Four o'clock next morning, he saddles up his mount.
The status of his marriage was very much in doubt."
deepwater, this poem can be great. But you need to have rythym. Sometimes all you need to do is drop a word. Only say what is needed. And always look for a better way to say what you've written. Remember, you can never tweak enough. You can always improve your poetry. Even when you think its purr-fect!!! Write on!
Kim
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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3rd time you have copied your comments over i will report this
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I'm sorry, deepwater... have I done something wrong?
Comment from TheDon
I like the cowboy motif and this poem is no exception. One thing I might suggest is to remove all your is and was constructs and replace with more lively and colorful verbs. Here's a few suggestions:
Original: Issues lay before him are roping and cutting steers,
Suggested: Issues laying before him: roping and cutting steers,
Original: Time for that in the morning as this day is running by,
Suggested: Time for that in the morning as the day goes running by,
Original: The status of his marriage was so very much in doubt,
Suggested: The status of his marriage loomed very much in doubt,
I hope this helps and good luck.
- The Don
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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I like the cowboy motif and this poem is no exception. One thing I might suggest is to remove all your is and was constructs and replace with more lively and colorful verbs. Here's a few suggestions:
Original: Issues lay before him are roping and cutting steers,
Suggested: Issues laying before him: roping and cutting steers,
Original: Time for that in the morning as this day is running by,
Suggested: Time for that in the morning as the day goes running by,
Original: The status of his marriage was so very much in doubt,
Suggested: The status of his marriage loomed very much in doubt,
I hope this helps and good luck.
- The Don
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you
Comment from J.E. Brown
The thing about this story is that it feels so real... Then, I saw you profile picture and realized that it must be!! Great story from your own experiences riding out to mend the fences (real and hypothetical). I hope it's not based on a true story!!!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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The thing about this story is that it feels so real... Then, I saw you profile picture and realized that it must be!! Great story from your own experiences riding out to mend the fences (real and hypothetical). I hope it's not based on a true story!!!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review J.E
Comment from fayesh
The poem is promising and describes the life of a cowboy well along with the effect on the woman in his life. You have a couple of grammar errors:
1.the sections that was (were) down, sections is plural, so use "were"
2. She never would (did) forgive him for bringing her out there. "did" is a better choice
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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The poem is promising and describes the life of a cowboy well along with the effect on the woman in his life. You have a couple of grammar errors:
1.the sections that was (were) down, sections is plural, so use "were"
2. She never would (did) forgive him for bringing her out there. "did" is a better choice
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thanks
Comment from Mª Luisa López Pisú
Muy bueno tu poema, muy logrado y est¡ escrito con mucha inspiraciłn.
No creo que tengamos que hacer ning¼n cambio, tu poema est¡ perfecto y con mucha fluidez tus versos.
Saludos de Din¡mica
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Muy bueno tu poema, muy logrado y est¡ escrito con mucha inspiraciłn.
No creo que tengamos que hacer ning¼n cambio, tu poema est¡ perfecto y con mucha fluidez tus versos.
Saludos de Din¡mica
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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gracias
Comment from pugrpoems
Dear DEEPWATER,
I like the message behind this poem. You did a great portraying the life of a cowboy. It's a liilte tragic about the wife leaving for another, and at the end, She isn't willing to forgive him, for bringing her out there!
Thanks,
pugrpoems.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Dear DEEPWATER,
I like the message behind this poem. You did a great portraying the life of a cowboy. It's a liilte tragic about the wife leaving for another, and at the end, She isn't willing to forgive him, for bringing her out there!
Thanks,
pugrpoems.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review
