The Plan
A married woman settles the score.80 total reviews
Comment from DrCarter2001
Hi Bob, it's been a while since I've gotten the chance to read your work, but this is a great way to revisit it! This is a gripping, engaging start to a novel, and I would highly encourage you to keep working on it. both Renee and Blair seem like intruiging, well-developed characters, making me want to care about them and find out what happens to them. It's concise and well-written. I only found a couple of very small nits to point out:
"his poo-pooing (of) her religious beliefs"
the only other thing is you may not need to repeat the names quite so much. Here are a few ways you might be able to cut them down:
"The important thing was that Craig Gannett made her realize she could get by without the lying snake" - it's clear the snake is Blair
"Renee could no longer tolerate (the bastard) if she hoped to save herself"
"and at no time had He specifically counseled her to start an affair(.)" then "The moment she'd laid eyes on (the limo driver from Oyster Bay), she knew what would happen."
"Craig Gannett was the first man..."
Of course, it's up to you, but I hope you find these suggestions helpful. Cheers and good luck!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Hi Bob, it's been a while since I've gotten the chance to read your work, but this is a great way to revisit it! This is a gripping, engaging start to a novel, and I would highly encourage you to keep working on it. both Renee and Blair seem like intruiging, well-developed characters, making me want to care about them and find out what happens to them. It's concise and well-written. I only found a couple of very small nits to point out:
"his poo-pooing (of) her religious beliefs"
the only other thing is you may not need to repeat the names quite so much. Here are a few ways you might be able to cut them down:
"The important thing was that Craig Gannett made her realize she could get by without the lying snake" - it's clear the snake is Blair
"Renee could no longer tolerate (the bastard) if she hoped to save herself"
"and at no time had He specifically counseled her to start an affair(.)" then "The moment she'd laid eyes on (the limo driver from Oyster Bay), she knew what would happen."
"Craig Gannett was the first man..."
Of course, it's up to you, but I hope you find these suggestions helpful. Cheers and good luck!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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What a guy, Doc. Thanks for your review and being kind depite my nits...I used some of them...Bob
Comment from anne1204
A great start to what will be a great story. I can see mystery, romance, crime,etc. All in this story. I am sure your "tiny brain" has more. Very good writing. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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A great start to what will be a great story. I can see mystery, romance, crime,etc. All in this story. I am sure your "tiny brain" has more. Very good writing. Anne 1204
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Anne.. I sincerely appreciate that...Bob
Comment from Gert sherwood
Good day Bob between a self centered sex craved woman and a husband who also seems to be the same.
I see future upsets and maybe murder coming into your well written intriguing novel.
Will see you at the end of summer
Gert
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Good day Bob between a self centered sex craved woman and a husband who also seems to be the same.
I see future upsets and maybe murder coming into your well written intriguing novel.
Will see you at the end of summer
Gert
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Gert. I will miss you...Bob
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You are welcome Bob I will miss you also.
Oh did you read my latest and last posting- until I return-
((sweeten our earth))
Gert
Comment from closetpoetjester
Wow Bob, this was absolutely fantastic and I think a brilliant start to a very popular novel and great read.
I liked your wonderful relaxed style with just enough narratives and this was just a breeze to read.
I believe most things happen for a reason so this story to me is quite plausible.
Well written and concisely presented yet says volumes. Only prob I had was the first bit : is it 'poo pooing' over there? It is 'poo hooing' over here but I guess it means the same!! LOL
Cheers for a piece of mastery, mastery!
Closet xo
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Wow Bob, this was absolutely fantastic and I think a brilliant start to a very popular novel and great read.
I liked your wonderful relaxed style with just enough narratives and this was just a breeze to read.
I believe most things happen for a reason so this story to me is quite plausible.
Well written and concisely presented yet says volumes. Only prob I had was the first bit : is it 'poo pooing' over there? It is 'poo hooing' over here but I guess it means the same!! LOL
Cheers for a piece of mastery, mastery!
Closet xo
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you very much, Phillipa. I appreciate your generous review of this...Bob
Comment from Annmuma
Okay, now you must write the entire story because I'm hooked. This opening should get that agent's and/or editor's attention. Good luck in the contest. ann
God was trying to tell her something: that there were good men out there, decent and caring men whom Renee could trust.--- God does indeed work in mysterious ways. lol
Blair had to go.
-- Great closing sentence!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Okay, now you must write the entire story because I'm hooked. This opening should get that agent's and/or editor's attention. Good luck in the contest. ann
God was trying to tell her something: that there were good men out there, decent and caring men whom Renee could trust.--- God does indeed work in mysterious ways. lol
Blair had to go.
-- Great closing sentence!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thanks so much, Ann. I always appreciate your reviews...Bob
Comment from bayoupoet
This is an exceptional start, Bob! I look forward to you expanding on this very well written and vivid short contest entry. Well Done!
sandra
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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This is an exceptional start, Bob! I look forward to you expanding on this very well written and vivid short contest entry. Well Done!
sandra
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thanks so much, Sandra...Bob
Comment from stevewordsmith
There is one thing that i have realized over many years and that is the hardest part of any creative venture is the start. an idea is only a dream until pen meets paper you have made a good start, very descriptive. you've covered many bases, love,emotions, sex, religion, immorality and contempt, good job be encouraged to carry on . i look forward to reading and reviewing more.
stevewordsmith
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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There is one thing that i have realized over many years and that is the hardest part of any creative venture is the start. an idea is only a dream until pen meets paper you have made a good start, very descriptive. you've covered many bases, love,emotions, sex, religion, immorality and contempt, good job be encouraged to carry on . i look forward to reading and reviewing more.
stevewordsmith
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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I see you are new. Welcome aboard Fanstory, steve. While i thank you sincerely for your review, I think perhaps you should read re-read the criteria for "stars" for reviews...I don't see anything based on your comments tompredicate only four stars??? Bob
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I see you are new. Welcome aboard Fanstory, steve. While i thank you sincerely for your review, I think perhaps you should read re-read the criteria for "stars" for reviews...I don't see anything based on your comments to predicate only four stars??? Bob
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Ok Bob point taken, ma-bee you do deserve an extra star. great piece of writing. However seeing you have a mastery in your work, you can probably forgive a newcomer.
stevewordsmith.
Thanks,Steve..You can simply go to the review and change the stars if you like...I would appreciate it...Bob
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Forgien too. Bob
Comment from dmjones
This is definitely an interesting start to a novel I'd like to read. There is a gradual build up of suspense that leads to the cliffhanger of Blair had to go. Really well done.
Just check this sentence:
sex with the first she met, (a word missing maybe man?)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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This is definitely an interesting start to a novel I'd like to read. There is a gradual build up of suspense that leads to the cliffhanger of Blair had to go. Really well done.
Just check this sentence:
sex with the first she met, (a word missing maybe man?)
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thanks so much, DM I appreciate that tip, too...Bob
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A most intriguing read, Bob,
would certainly be a good theme
for a full-length novel..
I did have to smile though when you mention - good men out there, decent and caring men whom Renee could trust.
Craig - a man who accepts a blow job from a married woman -- not the kind I'd describe as one of the good, decent men!
An enjoyable read. Good luck with the contest.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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A most intriguing read, Bob,
would certainly be a good theme
for a full-length novel..
I did have to smile though when you mention - good men out there, decent and caring men whom Renee could trust.
Craig - a man who accepts a blow job from a married woman -- not the kind I'd describe as one of the good, decent men!
An enjoyable read. Good luck with the contest.
Margaret.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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LOL...Yes, that was the point, Margaret. she will never find happiness, will she? Thanks so much for the wonderful review....Bob
Comment from Jonesy
Agreed, great start. It has everything an effective opening needs.
I don't anything to suggest, except probably need a sexual warning on this.
***his premature ejaculation***
Terrific! What makes it work is it follows legit (or I suppose a woman might consider this legit, too) things to forgive
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Agreed, great start. It has everything an effective opening needs.
I don't anything to suggest, except probably need a sexual warning on this.
***his premature ejaculation***
Terrific! What makes it work is it follows legit (or I suppose a woman might consider this legit, too) things to forgive
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Hi, Jonsey...Thanks for the review...There IS a warning on this already....LOL...At the top...Bob
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Oh, missed that. That's what happens when you review at 5:30 in the morning. :)
