When I Fly to Heaven
a monchielle - see author's notes99 total reviews
Comment from Just2Write
I don't know how I missed seeing this posting - but I did. Exceptional entry and most deservus of this win. Congratulations, m'dear. It is such a nice write, and you managed to make the lines flow so smoothly despite the short six syllable meter. Rose.
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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I don't know how I missed seeing this posting - but I did. Exceptional entry and most deservus of this win. Congratulations, m'dear. It is such a nice write, and you managed to make the lines flow so smoothly despite the short six syllable meter. Rose.
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thank you, Rose, for the congratulations and the review. I just checked the voting booth to be sure, and yes, I voted for you in this contest :-) Brooke
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello again,
I like this one a lot. I have been studying the Book of John over the past few months and your poem seems to fit right in. Nice job on this one.
Ray
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
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Hello again,
I like this one a lot. I have been studying the Book of John over the past few months and your poem seems to fit right in. Nice job on this one.
Ray
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Ray - good to see you :-) Brooke
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Yeah, it had been so long I managed to forget your name, as well as many others. Sorry about the impersonal greetings on the past few reviews. I've been a bit reticent lately. Not much energy and motivation till just recently. Ray
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
The spiritual theme is blended skillfully in to personal wishes, aspiration and the poem takes the burden of both owing to powerful lines,
When I fly to Heaven,
I'll sing Hallelujah
with angels in the sky,
and we'll greet you gladly
when you come by and by. [ A great ride and pleasant read]
K
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
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The spiritual theme is blended skillfully in to personal wishes, aspiration and the poem takes the burden of both owing to powerful lines,
When I fly to Heaven,
I'll sing Hallelujah
with angels in the sky,
and we'll greet you gladly
when you come by and by. [ A great ride and pleasant read]
K
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Kashif - glad you enjoyed this one :-) Brooke
Comment from Maria C.
This is beautiful. I am in this frame of mind too, as I just finished up one on guardian angels. Your theme is great and the picture you found is gorgeous which makes for a great presentation. Such good rhymes and I really like the last verse.
Blessings,
Maria C.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
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This is beautiful. I am in this frame of mind too, as I just finished up one on guardian angels. Your theme is great and the picture you found is gorgeous which makes for a great presentation. Such good rhymes and I really like the last verse.
Blessings,
Maria C.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Maria. Glad this resonated with you :-) Brooke
Comment from fayesh
Brooke, I really like this poem - very lyrical with the repetition of the first line and the limited rhyme. The topic is uplifting and the ending is the "sweet by and by."
Take care, Faye :)
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Brooke, I really like this poem - very lyrical with the repetition of the first line and the limited rhyme. The topic is uplifting and the ending is the "sweet by and by."
Take care, Faye :)
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
Comment from jdrhye
Very well written poem easy to follow and imagery and expression of emotional value without overly sentimentalizing . jd
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Very well written poem easy to follow and imagery and expression of emotional value without overly sentimentalizing . jd
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, jd - has been a long while since we've talked :-) Brooke
Comment from iambut1
What a nice piece to read! Very strong, very visual and so easy to read. The first line repeating in each verse was so appropriate for this piece. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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What a nice piece to read! Very strong, very visual and so easy to read. The first line repeating in each verse was so appropriate for this piece. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, iambut - I'm glad the form works for you :-) Brooke
Comment from Razz
Wonderful monchielle, my friend.
All is so very smooth.
I simply loved every word.
And I loved the last stanza, it was perfect.
When I fly to Heaven,
I'll sing Hallelujah
with angels in the sky,
and we'll greet you gladly
when you come by and by.
Great entry.
Good luck.
Razz
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Wonderful monchielle, my friend.
All is so very smooth.
I simply loved every word.
And I loved the last stanza, it was perfect.
When I fly to Heaven,
I'll sing Hallelujah
with angels in the sky,
and we'll greet you gladly
when you come by and by.
Great entry.
Good luck.
Razz
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Razz, thanks so much - I'm really pleased that you like t his one as it is quite meaningful to me :-) Brooke
Comment from Amicus
Ah, some changes both in form and content from your usual fare
which is a nice spring thing to do...I think the form used is interesting but I really don't care much for it and have some trouble picking up the emotion in this one...It doesn't fly or soar for me but that is probably just a form preference thing...the rhymes don't come where I expect them so are disturbing not satisfying and in a poem that seems to want to be uplifting and positive spiritually, this deflates the mood for me and adds an undertone that seems out of place...if that makes any sense :>). The second stanza in which you make a personal reference with a nice twist by having your Mom missing you all these years is the strongest part of the poem.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Ah, some changes both in form and content from your usual fare
which is a nice spring thing to do...I think the form used is interesting but I really don't care much for it and have some trouble picking up the emotion in this one...It doesn't fly or soar for me but that is probably just a form preference thing...the rhymes don't come where I expect them so are disturbing not satisfying and in a poem that seems to want to be uplifting and positive spiritually, this deflates the mood for me and adds an undertone that seems out of place...if that makes any sense :>). The second stanza in which you make a personal reference with a nice twist by having your Mom missing you all these years is the strongest part of the poem.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Amicus, I had problems with the form when composing as far as rhyme and flow go, so I wrote a gospel kind of tune in my mind that emphasizes accent on some syllables and draws out some syllables - in my head it sounds way better that way. As far as not having an uplifting tone - that I just don't get because for me this is FILLED to the brim with emotion as in spilling over with it. Sorry it did not come across that way to you :-) Brooke
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This form looks very complicated but you have mastered it well creating a very enjoyable meaningful work well done good luck regards Fuller
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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This form looks very complicated but you have mastered it well creating a very enjoyable meaningful work well done good luck regards Fuller
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
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Thank you, Fuller - it is the first time I've heard of the form - there are so darned many of them! :-) Brooke
