Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Chapter 12; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
71 total reviews
Comment from Jonez08
Great chapter, I somehow knew Leya would find about Peggy, but I was surprised she didn't rant and rave like most women would, seems she's focused on getting her man back..lol. I don't know the history behind her father and Peggy but sounds like something going on there. I wonder what Leya's going to do now. I look forward to the next chapter. I've listed a couple of things for your consideration.
She lifted a slice of pizza toward him
(you never mentioned whether or not he accepted the pizza, you continued with the beer. I suggest something to show him refusing or accepting it)
Matt and Joe walked into Steven's apartment without knocking and found Peggy still on Steven's lap
(if steven doesn't want her, I don't understand why she's still on his lap after he ends the call.)
I see after this that he was drunk, It seemed as if she had just arrived, I think more narration to show the laspe of time might have made it clearer..at least to me)
"Tell her I'm taking a vacation and we'll talk when I get back
(at least he's leaving some room for them to get back together, instead of just saying no)
She began to enter Steven's office but stopped when she overheard
(consider: As she was about to enter Steven's... or Outside of Steven's office she overheard...)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
  |
Great chapter, I somehow knew Leya would find about Peggy, but I was surprised she didn't rant and rave like most women would, seems she's focused on getting her man back..lol. I don't know the history behind her father and Peggy but sounds like something going on there. I wonder what Leya's going to do now. I look forward to the next chapter. I've listed a couple of things for your consideration.
She lifted a slice of pizza toward him
(you never mentioned whether or not he accepted the pizza, you continued with the beer. I suggest something to show him refusing or accepting it)
Matt and Joe walked into Steven's apartment without knocking and found Peggy still on Steven's lap
(if steven doesn't want her, I don't understand why she's still on his lap after he ends the call.)
I see after this that he was drunk, It seemed as if she had just arrived, I think more narration to show the laspe of time might have made it clearer..at least to me)
"Tell her I'm taking a vacation and we'll talk when I get back
(at least he's leaving some room for them to get back together, instead of just saying no)
She began to enter Steven's office but stopped when she overheard
(consider: As she was about to enter Steven's... or Outside of Steven's office she overheard...)
Cassandra
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your detailed review. I have already changed some of the areas you pointed out and will work on the others.
Comment from Mischief's Momma
I have not read the previous chapters, but that didn't matter. There was enough about the characters to get where they were all coming from right here, and they seemed to be believable and consistent.
Great job, interesting artwork choice :)
MM
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
|
I have not read the previous chapters, but that didn't matter. There was enough about the characters to get where they were all coming from right here, and they seemed to be believable and consistent.
Great job, interesting artwork choice :)
MM
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Your work is so well presented,
easy to follow and holds the
reader's interest throughout....
no wonder you have fans.
Mind, the woman's chest looks more uncomfortable
than attractive -- talk about thrust them up
and point them in the right direction (that's what
we say of the "uplift" bras)
Most enjoyable, Barbara. Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
|
Your work is so well presented,
easy to follow and holds the
reader's interest throughout....
no wonder you have fans.
Mind, the woman's chest looks more uncomfortable
than attractive -- talk about thrust them up
and point them in the right direction (that's what
we say of the "uplift" bras)
Most enjoyable, Barbara. Margaret
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your kind words. I was hunting for a snake to represent Peggy, but I could only find a python, I see Peggy more of a viper, so went with this instead.
Comment from eliz100
This chapter is well-written, as usual. I think you handled the Peggy Steven situation very well. I look forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
|
This chapter is well-written, as usual. I think you handled the Peggy Steven situation very well. I look forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from TimothyGriffin
Nice chapter. The dialogue is very sharp helping move the story along. In particular, I liked the part where Matt told Steven, "How should she know? Read your mind?" A nice add pointing out the complicated nature of relationships. Good work.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
|
Nice chapter. The dialogue is very sharp helping move the story along. In particular, I liked the part where Matt told Steven, "How should she know? Read your mind?" A nice add pointing out the complicated nature of relationships. Good work.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
I love this chapter as it has showed a flood of light on this union that was threatened on account of a misunderstanding of the true situation of things. I enjoyed it and look forward to more posts. cheers
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
|
I love this chapter as it has showed a flood of light on this union that was threatened on account of a misunderstanding of the true situation of things. I enjoyed it and look forward to more posts. cheers
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from Joan E.
Yes, the picture is quite voluptuous and helped to give us a vivid image of Peggy. I like the way your characters have taken on a life of their own and you have to follow their lead. The line "One beer, but my can never emptied" was catchy.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
|
Yes, the picture is quite voluptuous and helped to give us a vivid image of Peggy. I like the way your characters have taken on a life of their own and you have to follow their lead. The line "One beer, but my can never emptied" was catchy.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your kind words and continued support.
Comment from Thesis
Hi, Barbara. Peggy sounds like one of my wayward women, lol. I liked this story and how the characters interacted.
I know I've come in at a strange starting place, but I'll try to stay current. - John
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
|
Hi, Barbara. Peggy sounds like one of my wayward women, lol. I liked this story and how the characters interacted.
I know I've come in at a strange starting place, but I'll try to stay current. - John
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your kind words, I thought had some of your women in mind when I wrote Peggy.
Comment from dmjones
It didn't seem long at all. This is a very good chapter. It moved at a fast pace. Boy, Peggy doesn't like to give up but her character and actions really added a conflict to the plot. Good writing.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
|
It didn't seem long at all. This is a very good chapter. It moved at a fast pace. Boy, Peggy doesn't like to give up but her character and actions really added a conflict to the plot. Good writing.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for the kind review. We will see Peggy one more time.
Comment from fluffnstuff
wow, all time best, what a thrill for you. Yes, the artwork was great if not all inspiring for the chapter, huh? Guess I'll be tuning in later to see what the "man-eater" is up to next. Carry on.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
|
wow, all time best, what a thrill for you. Yes, the artwork was great if not all inspiring for the chapter, huh? Guess I'll be tuning in later to see what the "man-eater" is up to next. Carry on.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
