Whispers in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Rescue On Ice --by JAMES"Brook's best lead dog is struck deaf
13 total reviews
Comment from Mariea
A well written story that develops as it progresses. No clutter and only one 'spag' that was apparent - Shemya is deaf but part way through he reacts to the sound of his name?
Have a great day. Regards Mia
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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A well written story that develops as it progresses. No clutter and only one 'spag' that was apparent - Shemya is deaf but part way through he reacts to the sound of his name?
Have a great day. Regards Mia
Comment Written 25-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Oops, I wonder how I missed the obvious. Thanks a million to bringing my attention to it. I appreciate the time you gave this chapter. You are so sharp!
Comment from BradJarvis
A very well told story! The characters and dialog are believable.
Except for the following nits, it's ready to go:
Change [interest in my cocoa. I direct] to [interest in my cocoa and direct].
Change [All my dogs, who are tied to their doghouses, bark.] to [All my dogs, bark. They are tied to their doghouses.].
Change ["That you, Brook?" a familiar, but not particularly welcome, voice calls. ] to ["That you, Brook?" a voice calls. It is familiar, but not particularly welcome.].
Change [Now it felt good to have Walter to talk with.] to [Now it feels good to have Walter to talk with.].
Complete the quote: ["Tell him I'll bring blueberry cake to the potlatch.].
Change [waifs] to [wafts].
Change [He's so, so ......."] to [He's so, so..."].
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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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A very well told story! The characters and dialog are believable.
Except for the following nits, it's ready to go:
Change [interest in my cocoa. I direct] to [interest in my cocoa and direct].
Change [All my dogs, who are tied to their doghouses, bark.] to [All my dogs, bark. They are tied to their doghouses.].
Change ["That you, Brook?" a familiar, but not particularly welcome, voice calls. ] to ["That you, Brook?" a voice calls. It is familiar, but not particularly welcome.].
Change [Now it felt good to have Walter to talk with.] to [Now it feels good to have Walter to talk with.].
Complete the quote: ["Tell him I'll bring blueberry cake to the potlatch.].
Change [waifs] to [wafts].
Change [He's so, so ......."] to [He's so, so..."].
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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I very much appreciate your suggestions. I agree with your edits. Thanks a million!
Comment from toni guerrero
I enjoyed reading your story. You had a lot of good dialogue and I could understand it very well. Iwould recommend your story to others to read it.Keep up the good work.And thank you for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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I enjoyed reading your story. You had a lot of good dialogue and I could understand it very well. Iwould recommend your story to others to read it.Keep up the good work.And thank you for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2010
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Thanks for the encouragement, toni. I appreciate the time and interest you gave this chapter.
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you are very welcome.
