Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "The Hatchet Man"A book of a mixture of stories
30 total reviews
Comment from allinmyhead
Really enjoyed this one. Kept my attention from start to finish. Original approach to the prompt. Almost read like a "Mickey Spillane" style detective story - something about the flow. Catchy, quick. Good use of dialogue to tell the story.
You've used some lines that really, very concisely, visual character sketches: "Eau de stink permeated the cubicle." and this one, "Tsk, Tsk" rattled around her organized brain." Loved those two.
You could feel Mel's sigh of relief with the last line.
Might have used some single quotes in this line, around the words you're fired: "...'You're fired.' doesn't take long to say."
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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Really enjoyed this one. Kept my attention from start to finish. Original approach to the prompt. Almost read like a "Mickey Spillane" style detective story - something about the flow. Catchy, quick. Good use of dialogue to tell the story.
You've used some lines that really, very concisely, visual character sketches: "Eau de stink permeated the cubicle." and this one, "Tsk, Tsk" rattled around her organized brain." Loved those two.
You could feel Mel's sigh of relief with the last line.
Might have used some single quotes in this line, around the words you're fired: "...'You're fired.' doesn't take long to say."
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2010
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allinmnyhead,
Thank you for the wonderful review. I guess my style is a bit Mickey Spillane...I really appreciate your generous comments.
Funny part was I originally had the single quotes and someone else said I was wrong...Oh well, as long as everyone enjoys, I'm happy.
smiles, Carol
Comment from MJMuraco
This story is hilarious. You did a great job of writing comedy. It was like a sitcom! I really liked the names you chose for your characters. This is a great entry for the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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This story is hilarious. You did a great job of writing comedy. It was like a sitcom! I really liked the names you chose for your characters. This is a great entry for the contest!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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MJ,
Thanks so much for your kind response. I truly appreciate your time and comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from IndianaIrish
Ha!! What a great story, Carol. Who would fire anyone with an excuse like that? The characters are wonderful and I loved their names. Best of luck!
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Ha!! What a great story, Carol. Who would fire anyone with an excuse like that? The characters are wonderful and I loved their names. Best of luck!
Indy :>)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Indy,
Thank you for the kind review...I always appreciate hearing from you, my friend. Smiles, Carol
Comment from TheBritsWife
Hi Carol! Wow...now there's some excuse! Or should I say "excuses?" Your flash fiction story is great. I loved the frantic pace, and I thought for sure Mel was going to get the axe. The twist at the end was a welcome relief! I also enjoyed your cast of office characters. Every company is full of them! I still have flashbacks to getting laid off a year ago, so I was happy that things turned out differently in your story! Good luck in the contest. This is a fabulously funny and clever entry. - Karen ;-)
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Hi Carol! Wow...now there's some excuse! Or should I say "excuses?" Your flash fiction story is great. I loved the frantic pace, and I thought for sure Mel was going to get the axe. The twist at the end was a welcome relief! I also enjoyed your cast of office characters. Every company is full of them! I still have flashbacks to getting laid off a year ago, so I was happy that things turned out differently in your story! Good luck in the contest. This is a fabulously funny and clever entry. - Karen ;-)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Karen,
Hope all is well with you...Thanks for the great review. Appreciate it very much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Carol,
what a person will do and say is amazing and you showed it so well how your clever character could do it in a humorous way and it seems everyone believed the lies.
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Hello Carol,
what a person will do and say is amazing and you showed it so well how your clever character could do it in a humorous way and it seems everyone believed the lies.
Gert
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Gert,
Thanks for the review and your kind comments as always. Smiles, Carol
Comment from ladybird
A very amusing story. I like how you have given the characters different humorouse names.Mr Bloodhound,Miss Goody Two Shoes, Miss Busy Bee, love them. What Does roflmao, mean?
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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A very amusing story. I like how you have given the characters different humorouse names.Mr Bloodhound,Miss Goody Two Shoes, Miss Busy Bee, love them. What Does roflmao, mean?
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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ladybird,
I believe...rolling on the floor, laughing my a-- off...roflmao!
Thanks for the great review, sweetie. Carol
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lol, I see :-) By the way, did you recieve the list of agents I sent by pm?
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ladybird,
Yes and I thank you...been away from the computer tending to family stuff but I appreciate you taking the time...Have a great day, girl friend. Smiles, Carol
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You're welcome, if you want any more , let me know.
Comment from Trybuck
Another day another tall tale
It appears all is well
Can't believe you made that story sale
Guess Jack likes your looks and smell
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Another day another tall tale
It appears all is well
Can't believe you made that story sale
Guess Jack likes your looks and smell
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Buck,
Some men will buy anything and others won't even bother to shop...LOL Glad you enjoyed the story. smiles, CArol
Comment from scottmaiorca
Fun read. I could feel her panic and agnst, while still chortling at her bitchy quality of judging others. Was ver y elieved by the end, which then made the whole story quite funny.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Fun read. I could feel her panic and agnst, while still chortling at her bitchy quality of judging others. Was ver y elieved by the end, which then made the whole story quite funny.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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scott,
Thanks so much for the wonderful review. Truly appreciate it, Carol
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh that was the perfect why I was late story. I bet the guy never saw that as a made up lie. Another wonderful short story by my favorite write. Great job.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Oh that was the perfect why I was late story. I bet the guy never saw that as a made up lie. Another wonderful short story by my favorite write. Great job.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Joy,
You always lift my spirits with your encouragement...Thank you so much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from melyuki
well sis, Mel says this was so entertaining and she's so glad she didn' get fired too. phew.. mut be cos her dress was stuck up her ars... lucky she didnt have dunny paper hanging out too. has happened before.. now i am laughing, are you imagining the picture... good one sis, as I said, your story leaves me speechless.. sending hugs luv Melxxx
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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well sis, Mel says this was so entertaining and she's so glad she didn' get fired too. phew.. mut be cos her dress was stuck up her ars... lucky she didnt have dunny paper hanging out too. has happened before.. now i am laughing, are you imagining the picture... good one sis, as I said, your story leaves me speechless.. sending hugs luv Melxxx
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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I almost had the toilet paper attached but I was running out of words...since I had a minimum for the contest. Thanks for the encouragement...Love Sis
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Yeah I bet ... hugs Melxx
