Don't Follow Me Down
the lengths a tortured mind will go to24 total reviews
Comment from Jessethesubstitute
WOW! This is/was amazing! I thought and was lured along with the idea that it was another graphic horror story; but it is also a warning against drugs! Bravo. I loved it!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2010
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WOW! This is/was amazing! I thought and was lured along with the idea that it was another graphic horror story; but it is also a warning against drugs! Bravo. I loved it!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Jesse :-). I was taken with the idea of using a twist that was grounded in the genre/theme as well as the plot. Thatnks for the great review!
Mike
Comment from fictionwriter
I never would have dreamed that they were druggies. but then they see weird stuff when they're on their trips. A wonderfully told tale. Great job.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2010
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I never would have dreamed that they were druggies. but then they see weird stuff when they're on their trips. A wonderfully told tale. Great job.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2010
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Thank you for the wonderful review :-). I was quite pleased with how this one turned out; no hope, no salvation, no sense ... just horror!
Mike
Comment from AlvinTEthington
This is a very difficult story; making horrendous fantasy reality in a most frightening way. I am not sure how you are using the word moat; would you be so kind as to explain that to me? This also needs a language warning. Good classical allusions. The five stars are for the complexity of the story and its cautionary nature.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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This is a very difficult story; making horrendous fantasy reality in a most frightening way. I am not sure how you are using the word moat; would you be so kind as to explain that to me? This also needs a language warning. Good classical allusions. The five stars are for the complexity of the story and its cautionary nature.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Alvin, thank you for taking the time to read through my story. My original intention for the word 'moat' was to represent the pool surrounding her, as a moat would a castle. However, in retrospect (and in light of your being the third person to question it) I do not believe it fits thematically. Hence, I have changed it to blanket, which works a lot better. Thank you for helping to bring it to my attention, and thanks again for the positive review.
Mike
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You're welcome. That is how I understood moat, but it did seem slightly out of context.
Comment from CKLA
I really enjoyed reading your story. Your descriptions were excellent, building dark sinister images in the readers mind. Good luck with the contest.
Collette
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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I really enjoyed reading your story. Your descriptions were excellent, building dark sinister images in the readers mind. Good luck with the contest.
Collette
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Collette :-). I do love to write visually.
Mike
Comment from Tellis
Wow a surprise ending that blew my mind. I thought this was some kind of supernatural story. I enjoyed reading this excellent tale.
Tellis
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Wow a surprise ending that blew my mind. I thought this was some kind of supernatural story. I enjoyed reading this excellent tale.
Tellis
Comment Written 18-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Tellis! I wanted there to be a twist, and this one worked perfectly because it's a twist in style as well as plot, as you say. I also thought the reality was far more horrifying in many ways than Simon's visions. So glad you liked it!
Mike :-)
Comment from clbechtold
Horror filled and I loved the twist of the message at the end. I felt the piece was a bit melodramatic and the reader could have "seen" much of the description with fewer words. Since it was first person, "I would face you" should have been "I will face you."
I had a question on your description of sweat--ants. I would suggest like ants as I really thought real ants were marching or did you mean it that way?
Some of your similes were wonderful. Like dead animals in a dust bin was creepy and formed a gruesome picture. EEEEEEEKKKKKK
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Horror filled and I loved the twist of the message at the end. I felt the piece was a bit melodramatic and the reader could have "seen" much of the description with fewer words. Since it was first person, "I would face you" should have been "I will face you."
I had a question on your description of sweat--ants. I would suggest like ants as I really thought real ants were marching or did you mean it that way?
Some of your similes were wonderful. Like dead animals in a dust bin was creepy and formed a gruesome picture. EEEEEEEKKKKKK
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Thank you for the thoughtful review. I'll have a think about the ants; perhaps they weere a metaphor too far. The 'I would face you' thing is a dialect choice (such as "would that it were true" etc), so I'm happy with that.
Thanks again, and I'm glad you enjoyed the read so much :-)
Mike
Comment from RebelRose
The imagery in this is great. I can clearly picture the characters you described. The dialogue is good and the story very interesting.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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The imagery in this is great. I can clearly picture the characters you described. The dialogue is good and the story very interesting.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Rose :-) I love to write in a very visual manner; I'm not a fan of keeping things too sparse, so I love that people can see what I'm trying to impart.
Mike
Comment from Werdy_Nerd
Whoa, intense story you have here. I feel it is entirely fitting for the horror element. The ending served to reveal as well as convey an important message about the power and danger of messing with drugs. I thought your description of how Simon follows Sophie into the other world, was fascinating and extremely well-done, especially once I read down to the bottom and everything 'clicked.'
As I was reading through some other comments though, I must agree that I also found the word 'moat' a little distracting. "her bed, moat and make-up"
Overall, you've done a fantastic job with this.
Werdy
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Whoa, intense story you have here. I feel it is entirely fitting for the horror element. The ending served to reveal as well as convey an important message about the power and danger of messing with drugs. I thought your description of how Simon follows Sophie into the other world, was fascinating and extremely well-done, especially once I read down to the bottom and everything 'clicked.'
As I was reading through some other comments though, I must agree that I also found the word 'moat' a little distracting. "her bed, moat and make-up"
Overall, you've done a fantastic job with this.
Werdy
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Werdy. This story's had a fantastic response and I'm thrilled with its reception. Two other reviewers also stumbled on the moat description (in my head, she was a castle, surrounded by a moat of blood, but whilst that fits the visual of an irregular shape within a rounded pool, it's not thematically correct), so I've now changed it to "her bad, blanket and make-up". Thank you for helping to make the point to me :-)
Mike
Comment from RobinWrites
I find your writing wonderfully descriptive. I was convinced he was heading into a demonic pit of another world and, in a sense, he was. It was his own demonic world. This is well-written and gave me a perspective I hadn't even thought about. Great job.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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I find your writing wonderfully descriptive. I was convinced he was heading into a demonic pit of another world and, in a sense, he was. It was his own demonic world. This is well-written and gave me a perspective I hadn't even thought about. Great job.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thank you, Robin. I wanted the twist to not only change how the reader views the rest of the story, but also add a new dimension to the horror; a far more real one than it first seems.
Thanks for your wonderfully encouraging words.
Mike
Comment from Hitcher
Very dark, very graphic, Oh so sad, yet you have a message hidden in there which many should heed, but alas if they are that far along the path to self destruction the message will be lost to them. I think you did an awesome job as you always do when it comes to writing horror mate, the visuals were top draw, good luck with this one!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Very dark, very graphic, Oh so sad, yet you have a message hidden in there which many should heed, but alas if they are that far along the path to self destruction the message will be lost to them. I think you did an awesome job as you always do when it comes to writing horror mate, the visuals were top draw, good luck with this one!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Why thank you, my good man! I suspect you're right about those already off down the path, but hey I'm not huge on 'worthy' storytelling; the main thing was to bring the horror back to reality and give the story a bit of a twist. So glad you liked it!
Mike
