Whispers in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Deaf Dog --by BROOK ANNE"Brook's best lead dog is struck deaf
12 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
Great intro, pulled me right into the story.I like the close relationship Brook has with her dogs, and the way that she talks to them. You really got into Brook's feelings and as you brought out her personality she became more than just a character, she became a real person. The rich details and the constant conflict between James and Brook added to the needed tension, and the competition race looming on the horizon keeps the pressure on.
Good dialogue, and you kept the pace up.
Very good work, I will work my way up through the chapters.
Cheers, irish
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
  |
Great intro, pulled me right into the story.I like the close relationship Brook has with her dogs, and the way that she talks to them. You really got into Brook's feelings and as you brought out her personality she became more than just a character, she became a real person. The rich details and the constant conflict between James and Brook added to the needed tension, and the competition race looming on the horizon keeps the pressure on.
Good dialogue, and you kept the pace up.
Very good work, I will work my way up through the chapters.
Cheers, irish
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
Dearest Irish, thanks for your inspiring words. You show really good insight into characters. I looked forward to your review! Marie
Comment from Xylok
Background
Brook must train her dogs, minus her beloved leader Shemya,
great name
for the North American Junior Championship Race.
cool
Her goal is to beat James, who enjoys taunting her.
sounds like a solid goal then, lol.
The obnoxious roar of a snow machine sputters to a stop just outside my dog
nicely put (all my notes refer to the line/s above the commentary)
yard. My dogs all yip and yelp
internal poesy, some alliteration to keep the lines alive, cool. i can dig it.
"I don't need your advice, James." I glare into his confident gray-green eyes.
awesome color choice!
Whenever he comes around, I feel like snapping. "My dogs will beat the socks off your team at the North American's.!"
period and an exclamation point?
My cheeks are red hot. I fume and stomp in the snow as I fasten booties on Tok's paws.
Tok, another cool name.
All seven dogs are harnessed and tree-tied. They lunge and bark furiously at the snow machine as it vanishes beyond the last house in the village.
super sentence, rich with imagery, description, yet progresses plot nicely...not to mention the element of danger and adventure, a riveting sentence that one.
I kneel before Shemya. I did not put a harness on Shemya and don't expect to (ever harness him) again.
all of the words in the parenthesis above are superfluous, if that matters to you, but if you wanted to make a more drawn out point there's merit to that too, so just sayin' it could be pared to yield the same result, or nearly the same anyway, more efficiently, it looks like.
He sits back obediently. Sharp, blue eyes look hopefully from the black-velvet fur mask encircling his brow.
Awesome sentence again, talk about imagery.
"I know you hate those machines, Shemya," I tell him. As I stroke his head, I know he is remembering that awful night when a snow machine crashed into his doghouse.
lol
mukluks
cool (temp-wise too ;)
I tie Shemya to what is left of his damaged doghouse. As I turn away, a mournful howl stops me. I return and wrap my arms around his big, fluffy body. Trust shines in his blue eyes.
touching paragraph, exceptional closing sentence to it.
"Swish," go the runners, sliding with ease behind seven high-flying tails. I glimpse Mom's smiling face pressed to the window of our wood-frame home.
NEAT!
My favorite twin girls playing in the next-door yard, call, "Go Brook. Go, go, go!" They wear flowered kuspuks
neat
He has the intimidating gleam of a American Idol judge on TV and he stares at me like I'm a contestant.
LOL
I'm sure he'd like to shake me up enough for him to win. If he were any other guy, I'd think he's flirting.
lol
I grit my teeth and shout to the team, "Haw". Tok jerks the team to the left onto a well-packed trail leading into a deep forest.
ooooh very cool last part there
We flow ahead, through snow-crusted spruce trees where tree limbs are thick and reach out at me. To avoid slaps in my face, I keep ducking.
AWESOME, i feel like im reading AND riding along, very fun.
The runners grate on patches of wind-swept ice.
another great line.
My eye catches the blur of something moving among trees then onto the ice right beside us.
way to build antici ... . .. .pati.....o.....n :)
It's Shemya!
Right on!
His tether drags out behind him. It is attached to a scrap of lumber that trails and bounces dangerously.
HAHHAA super closing, this is a magnificent post, and it is fun to read and experience and it whisked this reader right off. thanks for the post, keep em coming. adorable photo, you write very well.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2010
 |
Background
Brook must train her dogs, minus her beloved leader Shemya,
great name
for the North American Junior Championship Race.
cool
Her goal is to beat James, who enjoys taunting her.
sounds like a solid goal then, lol.
The obnoxious roar of a snow machine sputters to a stop just outside my dog
nicely put (all my notes refer to the line/s above the commentary)
yard. My dogs all yip and yelp
internal poesy, some alliteration to keep the lines alive, cool. i can dig it.
"I don't need your advice, James." I glare into his confident gray-green eyes.
awesome color choice!
Whenever he comes around, I feel like snapping. "My dogs will beat the socks off your team at the North American's.!"
period and an exclamation point?
My cheeks are red hot. I fume and stomp in the snow as I fasten booties on Tok's paws.
Tok, another cool name.
All seven dogs are harnessed and tree-tied. They lunge and bark furiously at the snow machine as it vanishes beyond the last house in the village.
super sentence, rich with imagery, description, yet progresses plot nicely...not to mention the element of danger and adventure, a riveting sentence that one.
I kneel before Shemya. I did not put a harness on Shemya and don't expect to (ever harness him) again.
all of the words in the parenthesis above are superfluous, if that matters to you, but if you wanted to make a more drawn out point there's merit to that too, so just sayin' it could be pared to yield the same result, or nearly the same anyway, more efficiently, it looks like.
He sits back obediently. Sharp, blue eyes look hopefully from the black-velvet fur mask encircling his brow.
Awesome sentence again, talk about imagery.
"I know you hate those machines, Shemya," I tell him. As I stroke his head, I know he is remembering that awful night when a snow machine crashed into his doghouse.
lol
mukluks
cool (temp-wise too ;)
I tie Shemya to what is left of his damaged doghouse. As I turn away, a mournful howl stops me. I return and wrap my arms around his big, fluffy body. Trust shines in his blue eyes.
touching paragraph, exceptional closing sentence to it.
"Swish," go the runners, sliding with ease behind seven high-flying tails. I glimpse Mom's smiling face pressed to the window of our wood-frame home.
NEAT!
My favorite twin girls playing in the next-door yard, call, "Go Brook. Go, go, go!" They wear flowered kuspuks
neat
He has the intimidating gleam of a American Idol judge on TV and he stares at me like I'm a contestant.
LOL
I'm sure he'd like to shake me up enough for him to win. If he were any other guy, I'd think he's flirting.
lol
I grit my teeth and shout to the team, "Haw". Tok jerks the team to the left onto a well-packed trail leading into a deep forest.
ooooh very cool last part there
We flow ahead, through snow-crusted spruce trees where tree limbs are thick and reach out at me. To avoid slaps in my face, I keep ducking.
AWESOME, i feel like im reading AND riding along, very fun.
The runners grate on patches of wind-swept ice.
another great line.
My eye catches the blur of something moving among trees then onto the ice right beside us.
way to build antici ... . .. .pati.....o.....n :)
It's Shemya!
Right on!
His tether drags out behind him. It is attached to a scrap of lumber that trails and bounces dangerously.
HAHHAA super closing, this is a magnificent post, and it is fun to read and experience and it whisked this reader right off. thanks for the post, keep em coming. adorable photo, you write very well.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for all your comments and review. I appreciate the time you gave this.
-
no problem, i really enjoyed the experience and hope look forward to more of your work.
Comment from MyYiaYia
What an excellent start to a new novel. I thought the introduction had one heck of a hook to it. Already the reader dislikes James and has immense compassion for the deaf dog. Great hook, I love it. What are the booties for on the dogs, to keep sharp ice from cutting their feet? You may have said this in a later chapter. Thanks
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
|
What an excellent start to a new novel. I thought the introduction had one heck of a hook to it. Already the reader dislikes James and has immense compassion for the deaf dog. Great hook, I love it. What are the booties for on the dogs, to keep sharp ice from cutting their feet? You may have said this in a later chapter. Thanks
Comment Written 24-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2010
-
I appreciate the time you gave this story. Thanks, YiaYia.
Comment from Tellis
So far this is a great book and I think it would go over well with alaskan kids or any kids for that matter. Keep up the great work.
Tellis
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2010
|
So far this is a great book and I think it would go over well with alaskan kids or any kids for that matter. Keep up the great work.
Tellis
Comment Written 11-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2010
-
Thanks so much for tackling this one, Tellis.
Comment from adewpearl
I think most young adults love dramatic stories where a character overcomes adversity, and this is an age where they will especially appreciate someone who has to overcome a bully like James. And what kid doesn't like a good dog story? I know I read them. A race is a great focus for a story to keep their attention and have them rooting for the "underdog." I like the way you're developing the character of both the human and canine characters - you tell us so much with that final paragraph. Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2010
|
I think most young adults love dramatic stories where a character overcomes adversity, and this is an age where they will especially appreciate someone who has to overcome a bully like James. And what kid doesn't like a good dog story? I know I read them. A race is a great focus for a story to keep their attention and have them rooting for the "underdog." I like the way you're developing the character of both the human and canine characters - you tell us so much with that final paragraph. Brooke
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2010
-
Thanks so much for you time and encouraging remarks.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
This time, I get to read right from the beginning. I'm hooked and will come back for more.
Just out of curiosity, what is a fish wheel? At some appropriate point, describe what it looks like and what it does for those of us who don't live in Alaska.
Roberta
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2010
|
This time, I get to read right from the beginning. I'm hooked and will come back for more.
Just out of curiosity, what is a fish wheel? At some appropriate point, describe what it looks like and what it does for those of us who don't live in Alaska.
Roberta
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2010
-
Since a fish wheel is in action when rivers are ice-free and this is a winter story, I may have to leave this mystery for a kid to research or for a classroom discussion. lol. Thanks for your time and encouragement.
Comment from Annmuma
This story is well-written for the early teen audience. Good job. ann
North American's.!" -- You only need one punctuation mark --either the period or the exclamation
It's Shemya! His tether drags out behind him. It is attached to a scrap of lumber that trails and bounces dangerously.
--Good closing.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
|
This story is well-written for the early teen audience. Good job. ann
North American's.!" -- You only need one punctuation mark --either the period or the exclamation
It's Shemya! His tether drags out behind him. It is attached to a scrap of lumber that trails and bounces dangerously.
--Good closing.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
-
I'm so glad you caught this punctuation. You have a great eye, ann. Thanks for your time and comments.
Comment from MissMerri
Hi Alaska. I'm excited to find you're writing another book. This one promises to be another gripping tale of Alaskan life and I'm already in love with Brook and the dog, Shemya. (I've always been a sucker for animal stories, but especially when a young reader, the age you're writing for.) I predict another winner here, in this delightful story. Great work!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
|
Hi Alaska. I'm excited to find you're writing another book. This one promises to be another gripping tale of Alaskan life and I'm already in love with Brook and the dog, Shemya. (I've always been a sucker for animal stories, but especially when a young reader, the age you're writing for.) I predict another winner here, in this delightful story. Great work!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
-
Thanks for the encouragement. Jeep thinks the opening is not very gripping. Well, we'll see about that!
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is a very well written story. It is well edited, well presented and easy to follow. The dialogue is good and flows naturally. You have very good use of imagery and description. Your opening paragraph captures the readers interest and continues through out.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
|
This is a very well written story. It is well edited, well presented and easy to follow. The dialogue is good and flows naturally. You have very good use of imagery and description. Your opening paragraph captures the readers interest and continues through out.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
-
Thanks for your time and comments. You're very encouraging, Goldwell.
Comment from harleyangelbrat
I am getting the shivers just thinking of the cold weather. I love your story. It is perfect for the age you chose. It has wonderful characters and of course, almost everyone loves dogs. I am in Florida and have been amazed at the cold weather we have experienced in Northeast Florida. We are usually done with winter way before now. Your story reminded me that our chilly nights are nothing compared to what you experience. Love your story. I look forward to reading more. God bless you.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
|
I am getting the shivers just thinking of the cold weather. I love your story. It is perfect for the age you chose. It has wonderful characters and of course, almost everyone loves dogs. I am in Florida and have been amazed at the cold weather we have experienced in Northeast Florida. We are usually done with winter way before now. Your story reminded me that our chilly nights are nothing compared to what you experience. Love your story. I look forward to reading more. God bless you.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
-
Well, one has to dress for the weather. But, I admit, the winters are so long (like 7 months) heavy gear gets tiresome. Thanks for your encouraging comments.
-
I bet it is tiring, Alaska. You are most welcome for the review. Have a blessed week.
Marilyn
