Comment from azwildrosa

Good

I guess that you'll be joining them."
I'd take out that.

child how asked me if the fish would be alright.

I'm thinking it should be who, not how?

I felt(,) that I accidentally backed into her breasts...

I'd get rid of that. seems unnecessary

pump rooms, class rooms(,) and labs.

this one was i had to read a few times before i understood what you were saying. look what I've done, see how it feels when you read it.

"Damn, I never figured that they would be more scared of us then we are of them."

"Damn, I never figured they'd be more scared of us then we are of them."

I'd take out that.
I never figured (that) the information

i changed it. see what you think. i also love this one, you have some great humor going in this one. the laughs are great!

Or, my favorite. "Well, it's obvious to me these people haven't been around black people. See here, they have us all rising up at the same time, taking over white America.

"Now mike, you'd know that there... Mike needs some caps...

I'd take out that.
Let him know, that I don't appreciate him making

hey mike, what a great read. i had to keep reading only cause you had the KKK in it. i wanted to see what had to be said. great job on the keeping me interested part. the humor was great! i shared with my hubby as i kept reading. so awesome. awesome job there as well. the thing I've pointed out is just what caught my eye. i hope it helps. thank you sharing.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010

I made most of the changes that you recomended or modified them for better clairifacation. You can say I have a that, I mean knat brain for that word. However, I am getting much better. I also settled on, ""Damn! I never figured that they would be more scared of us, then we are of them." I kept in, "I guess that ..." because that was part of my comment. It's strange, while I don't believe too much in that group, I didn't want to disrespect them as the observations of how the black people felt were more important to me to relate. I thank you very much for the compliments, corrections and this review. Have a great weekend and week ahead! Mike

Comment from honyAnt

Good

I couldn't get into the story..I'm Australian and what it's about is a bit vague to me.I t didn't hold my attention,and that is all I can say. I'm a reader only ..and when I go looking for a story to read it must catch my attention right away.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010

I still thank you for reviewing this. This is part of a larger work that also includes the stories of love. Feel free to catch the introduction. Regardless, I understand your review of this. Mike

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

at wit's end - add apostrophe
Yea, they should get rid of assholes - Yeah
Norman's Eagle scout project certainly lent itself to excitement - my one nephew who became an Eagle scout just did a bunch of landscaping and built a footbridge and gazebo for a local park. LOL He couldn't get much of a short story out of that! :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010

I'll fix the SPAG soon, I am beat and need a bit of rest first. Well, that is still a nice project. I think that Norm enjoyed cultivating this element of adventure all through scouts. Me adding them to my work, prompted much interesting thought for me. After Huckle Finn, I lamented that there aren't many Mark Twain-like adventures to be had, then noted the element within mine. It then was easy to think about my origional Bio here, to understand that I was very Huck-ish in my life adventuring, sort of making the most of my experiences. I then tried to place Norm in Mark Twains world and with his sofisicated wryness, I realized just how close to Tom Sayer that he was. He invented much adventure for me. Scouts wasn't just an activity, it was a way of life for me. Now imagine what thirty of us were like that congragated at one of the largest National Scout Camps. For that chapter title, I will quote the phrase that the camp greeted us with. LOL

I thank you very much for reviewing this, sharing with me your scouting stories and the compliments. Mike

Comment from Isaiah Ramesses

Good

I like this chapter. I think that the words that you needed to use in the fourth or fifth paragraph is "...Norm burst into laughter". But, as an author, you have the right to your own choice of words.
I also would've like more detail in the characters: ...Mike was angry; Norm replied, sarcasticly; etc.
But still, very good work.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010

Thank you for reviewing this and the compliments. I will go back and take a look at making any changes. Mike

Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas

Excellent

Gee! Grand chapter. I loved it. The beautiful title and how you focused it in the chapter, analyzing and dissecting for the readers. The character of Mike is becoming my favorite.

Well done my friend

K

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2010

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010

What a pleasantly shocking first review! One that I really appreciate. Through out Mike get hit with a sledgehammer of life a few times, but the adventure of figuring it all out will constantly pop up. Though I didn't really have the humor at the time, the stories are truly funny and amusing. That becomes a great vehilce to make my points and keep the hope. I thank you very much for both the compliments and this review. Mike