Comment from geemark

Excellent

This is well written. However it is also confusing. The sparce comments on being black leave one in limbo. It explains "Exterior" reactions. Not enough "Interior" reactions. Feelings are NOT dwelt upon.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2010

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010

You have to save something on the next chapter that includes scouting. While it to has it's Huck and Tom foolery, it will show quite clearly how much more unfettered and accepting the kids inclusion of a black boy is compared to the adults who emotionally not only over complicate things, they short change how much more accepting kids are. I appreciated the review and thank you for it. Mike

Comment from scottmaiorca

Excellent

Great story. I think we need more scouting stories today. to help give boys that sense of wanderlust that seems to be missing.

I think it could be improved if you offered more dialogue. Let the boys' own voices tell the story rather than the narrator.

Have you thought about submitting to boy's life? They take submissions and might consider serials.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2010

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010

In no way would boy's life or BSA subscribe to the stories as they are the antithesis of scouting principles. Scouting today has come under assult and in my opinion, too many troops have watered down the program to the point, many of the older boys leave much earilier. The problem with using dialog in this one is that would actually take the story from the storyline of the direction of where I want the next chapter to go. Scouting does need more stories, even as crazy as this chapter is, the boys are headed in the right direction. In the next chapter that includes scouts, there will be much more dialog. That one will be interesting as it is again about race as a black boy enters the troop, but about the differnce of the perceptions of the kids, from the adult. I loved this review and it is nice to have one to think about. I thank you for it and the compliments. Mike

Comment from Barthalamew

Good

This chapter will be an okay chapter but not one of your better ones. All your characters interact with one another but the places like- a trip in a half? and you to in my patrol? hinders the flow of your story terribly.

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010

I appreciate your review, but question your examples. The latter was direct dialog. I do thank you for taking the time to review this.

reply by Barthalamew on 01-Mar-2010

Okay. No offense intended but the errors are there for everyone to see.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

a trip in a half - trip and a half
We would become supper scouts - super
Norm's big thing was - add apostrophe
You describe your time with the scouts in lots of vivid, interesting detail - you develop character well, Mike. Brooke

 Comment Written 28-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2010

I thank you very much for the courage, compliments, corrections and this review very much. Scouts was the most important aspect in my life for such a long time, in this book the main reason will be revealed near the end. I made the corrections, but the editors are driving me crazy here. Mike