My Mother
a remembrance70 total reviews
Comment from Ann Smith
This free verse poem tells the story of your mom dying in such detail that I get a clear picture of the events leading up to the time. I can see you driving down the highway through the desert doing 120 mph. This scares me thinking about it. I can see you sitting by her bed holding her hand. I like the repetition of 'she did.' It slows the poem down which is appropriate for the letting go in death. ann
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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This free verse poem tells the story of your mom dying in such detail that I get a clear picture of the events leading up to the time. I can see you driving down the highway through the desert doing 120 mph. This scares me thinking about it. I can see you sitting by her bed holding her hand. I like the repetition of 'she did.' It slows the poem down which is appropriate for the letting go in death. ann
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Yes, I wanted that to have a dirge-like cadence quality; I am glad you caught that. Thanks for a good review.
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You are welcome. ann
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Al,
This well written free verse is so sad. It reminds me of my husband as he lay dying. He went into the hospital the 1st of August but didn't pass away until the 10th of Oct. The Dr. Said there was no hope and I should go home to get some rest. Dale couldn't speak or even open his eyes but I put my arms around him and whispered to him anyway. I told him it was okay to let go as I would be fine and not to worry. I went home and an hour or so later the hospital called to tell me he was gone. I gave him permission to die just like you did your mom. Love the poem and good luck in the contest....chey
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Hi Al,
This well written free verse is so sad. It reminds me of my husband as he lay dying. He went into the hospital the 1st of August but didn't pass away until the 10th of Oct. The Dr. Said there was no hope and I should go home to get some rest. Dale couldn't speak or even open his eyes but I put my arms around him and whispered to him anyway. I told him it was okay to let go as I would be fine and not to worry. I went home and an hour or so later the hospital called to tell me he was gone. I gave him permission to die just like you did your mom. Love the poem and good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Yes, I knew you would understand the situation and circumstances of this poem. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from Allezw2
Master ATE,
A nicely done offering for this contest.
Most realize that as the years progress, you come closer and closer to seeing older individuals you might remember as hale, shrunken to a small part of what they once were, in mind and body.
After their death, it is a wrench to realize they are not there, anymore.
It is a blessing to say a final goodbye when they are aware and all can appreciate the moment.
Fantasist
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Master ATE,
A nicely done offering for this contest.
Most realize that as the years progress, you come closer and closer to seeing older individuals you might remember as hale, shrunken to a small part of what they once were, in mind and body.
After their death, it is a wrench to realize they are not there, anymore.
It is a blessing to say a final goodbye when they are aware and all can appreciate the moment.
Fantasist
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Yes, we grieve for ourselves, not for the person who is out of pain. Thanks for a good review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Alvin,
A well told pathos free verse poem
Just a suggestion.
You can see I changed your first stanza.
Yes there is another suggestion break with you poem; so the reader can absorb, your sad thoughts until the next stanza.
I hope you don't mind, ( my thoughts). I know you are an excellent Bard.
Gert
My mother died ~
eight long years ago yesterday
I was the one who had to call everyone
to her bedside
so she could say goodbye.
I had been out of touch with my family for years
but yet she begged for me to come home.
My brothers-in-law and sisters had quit their jobs
and moved back to the family estate.
My father was senile.
My mother asked me every two weeks
to drive to Arizona from California
to see her.
After two days, my sisters would ask me to leave--
they said I was upsetting the household,
so I left.
This I did for two months.
Then, one day in Palm Springs on vacation,
I called my home in suburban California
for messages.
There was an urgent message from my sister,
"Mother says she's dying; come home now."
I drove 120 miles an hour from the California desert
to my ancestral home.
This is not the actual day.
It was Monday before Ash Wednesday.
But this is the day I shall always remember her.
The minister was of no help.
I had to deal with the dying.
I had experience, because
I had had so many friends die of AIDS.
My mother could not communicate at first;
I told her to squeeze my hand if
she could understand me.
She did.
She barely muttered
"Bring the family; I want to say goodbye."
I did.
I told her it was all right to go home to God.
And the next day
she died
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Hello Alvin,
A well told pathos free verse poem
Just a suggestion.
You can see I changed your first stanza.
Yes there is another suggestion break with you poem; so the reader can absorb, your sad thoughts until the next stanza.
I hope you don't mind, ( my thoughts). I know you are an excellent Bard.
Gert
My mother died ~
eight long years ago yesterday
I was the one who had to call everyone
to her bedside
so she could say goodbye.
I had been out of touch with my family for years
but yet she begged for me to come home.
My brothers-in-law and sisters had quit their jobs
and moved back to the family estate.
My father was senile.
My mother asked me every two weeks
to drive to Arizona from California
to see her.
After two days, my sisters would ask me to leave--
they said I was upsetting the household,
so I left.
This I did for two months.
Then, one day in Palm Springs on vacation,
I called my home in suburban California
for messages.
There was an urgent message from my sister,
"Mother says she's dying; come home now."
I drove 120 miles an hour from the California desert
to my ancestral home.
This is not the actual day.
It was Monday before Ash Wednesday.
But this is the day I shall always remember her.
The minister was of no help.
I had to deal with the dying.
I had experience, because
I had had so many friends die of AIDS.
My mother could not communicate at first;
I told her to squeeze my hand if
she could understand me.
She did.
She barely muttered
"Bring the family; I want to say goodbye."
I did.
I told her it was all right to go home to God.
And the next day
she died
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Thanks for your suggestion. I'll consider it carefully. Thanks also for a good review.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is really so touching. It flows very well and contains a great deal of tender feelings. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this nice narrative piece. kudos
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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This is really so touching. It flows very well and contains a great deal of tender feelings. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this nice narrative piece. kudos
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Thanks for a good review; I greatly appreciate it.
Comment from leesm
A powerful, honest and brutally candid remembrance of not only your mother's death, but of your family dynamics as well. I would imagine that the writing of this was somewhat cathartic, although you've probably already expressed these thoughts and feelings. Nonetheless, this is a very poignant and memorable poem in its own right. Best wishes in the free verse contest Alvin.
Regards,
-Lee
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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A powerful, honest and brutally candid remembrance of not only your mother's death, but of your family dynamics as well. I would imagine that the writing of this was somewhat cathartic, although you've probably already expressed these thoughts and feelings. Nonetheless, this is a very poignant and memorable poem in its own right. Best wishes in the free verse contest Alvin.
Regards,
-Lee
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Thanks. Yes, writing this was difficult but cathartic. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from flyboy130
This is a very sad poem you wrote. I am wondering if this is a real poem. Nothing is wrong with this poem. You really toucht my heart.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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This is a very sad poem you wrote. I am wondering if this is a real poem. Nothing is wrong with this poem. You really toucht my heart.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Yes, all of this is true. Thanks for a great review
Comment from Rvaltaysesd
Sad poetic story that we bring Alvin, sad but very good poem, powerful and short,as I love them very , very, very good poem, greetings Rvaltaysesd
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Sad poetic story that we bring Alvin, sad but very good poem, powerful and short,as I love them very , very, very good poem, greetings Rvaltaysesd
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Thanks for a good review; I greatly appreciate it.
Comment from lola29
Alvin, your poem is so moving--actually moved me to tears. You are a fantastic writer; able to emote feelings superbly. You are truly a wonderful human being as evidenced by your dedication to your family.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Alvin, your poem is so moving--actually moved me to tears. You are a fantastic writer; able to emote feelings superbly. You are truly a wonderful human being as evidenced by your dedication to your family.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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You are extremely kind. Thank you for that and for this review.
Comment from joan marie
I imagine this was not an easy thing to write. Families are so judgemental. My mom just told me to get out, again. This time I will. I hope when her time comes she will accept me. I cannot imagine having siblings, as I have none. But I can feel the pain of rejection. joan marie
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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I imagine this was not an easy thing to write. Families are so judgemental. My mom just told me to get out, again. This time I will. I hope when her time comes she will accept me. I cannot imagine having siblings, as I have none. But I can feel the pain of rejection. joan marie
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Yes, I thought you would understand. Familial rejection still baffles me. Thanks for a good review.
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It's all I ever experienced. Families that do things together, even just talking if foreign to me. What most take for granted I have never experienced. jm
