Octograms
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Spider Web"octograms
74 total reviews
Comment from Quire's Gal
Hi,
Just wanted to check out more of your octgrams. I liked "Each Bud and Bloom" somewhat better.
In this piece, I felt a slight 'trip?' from the end of line 4, to the beginning of line five. My ear tells me that line 5 should sound like it's starting a new sentence.
In the second last line of the 2nd verse, you have 7 syllables where you need 8; unless the word "cruel" is a 2 syllable word. My ear hears one, but I'll check the dictionary to make sure.
I'll be reading more soon, and would love to try a sonnet next.
Cheers and smiles,
Katherine
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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Hi,
Just wanted to check out more of your octgrams. I liked "Each Bud and Bloom" somewhat better.
In this piece, I felt a slight 'trip?' from the end of line 4, to the beginning of line five. My ear tells me that line 5 should sound like it's starting a new sentence.
In the second last line of the 2nd verse, you have 7 syllables where you need 8; unless the word "cruel" is a 2 syllable word. My ear hears one, but I'll check the dictionary to make sure.
I'll be reading more soon, and would love to try a sonnet next.
Cheers and smiles,
Katherine
Comment Written 06-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2010
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I will reread this poem with your comments in mind, Katherine, and yes, cruel is to be read as two syllables. Thanks for reading :-) Brooke -
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Yep, "cruel" is a two syllable word. Never knew it. It seems to roll out of you mouth like a 1 syllable word. Had a dream last night about your story-poem, it charmed me so much. Glad you liked my unique review of it. I used to be in an improv. troupe in college, and we had to make up rhymes like that all the time. I'm lucky it comes easy for me. Katherine:)
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Cruel is one of those convenient poetic words that can be used to fill one or two syllable slots depending on what one needs. I love improv, so I'm duly impressed :-)
Comment from smileycloud
hey Brooke
very beautiful and descriptive images of the ways of nature and also the plight of creation
it does speak clearly of a touch of what's the point but it shiningly over ridden by the natural beauty which your wording and phrasing has highlighted
I cannot help but love the true theme that is represented but my mind keeps drifting to apply it to man as well
what an intriguing read
have a smiley day
lorraine
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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hey Brooke
very beautiful and descriptive images of the ways of nature and also the plight of creation
it does speak clearly of a touch of what's the point but it shiningly over ridden by the natural beauty which your wording and phrasing has highlighted
I cannot help but love the true theme that is represented but my mind keeps drifting to apply it to man as well
what an intriguing read
have a smiley day
lorraine
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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I always hope people will find a metaphoric, deeper layer in my poems besides the literal level. Thank you, Lorraine. Brooke :-)
Comment from Deejharrington
Beautiful! And how many "pretty webs" in life we have found ourselves stuck in? That teaches us that things that are attractive are that way for a reason, not always a good one.
deb
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Beautiful! And how many "pretty webs" in life we have found ourselves stuck in? That teaches us that things that are attractive are that way for a reason, not always a good one.
deb
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Deb. I'm glad you found the metaphoric meaning :-) Brooke
Comment from perunest
Your poem has a web-like sound, a feel like
a lovely labyrinth, but, of course, you invite
without sinister motive. You've woven lovely threads
through its lines with a certain delicacy. Very nice!
Carolyn
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Your poem has a web-like sound, a feel like
a lovely labyrinth, but, of course, you invite
without sinister motive. You've woven lovely threads
through its lines with a certain delicacy. Very nice!
Carolyn
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Carolyn. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from mourningdove
I'm reading through my inbox and had to give this one a six, Brooke. You maybe didn't mean in the way I read it, but I was thinking, this 'web' could be the internet and all of its enticements that ensnare and trap us when we're not careful.
This flows so melodiously. It's beautiful,
Heather
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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I'm reading through my inbox and had to give this one a six, Brooke. You maybe didn't mean in the way I read it, but I was thinking, this 'web' could be the internet and all of its enticements that ensnare and trap us when we're not careful.
This flows so melodiously. It's beautiful,
Heather
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Heather. I was not thinking specifically of the internet, but I always try to get some sort of metaphoric meaning in my poetry, so I'm thrilled you read it that way. You are most generous :-) Brooke
Comment from stormwolf2
It's funny how a thing of such beauty can be so deadly. I would have given a 6 for his if it would have let me!
Excellent flow and rhyme.
Best wishes,
Malcolm
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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It's funny how a thing of such beauty can be so deadly. I would have given a 6 for his if it would have let me!
Excellent flow and rhyme.
Best wishes,
Malcolm
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Malcolm. I appreciate your generous wish for a six :-) Brooke
Comment from --Turtle.
I read this octogram, and though it was new to me, the form you seem to have made work to weave an image of both beauty and darkness. It took me a few times to get into the flow, but I liked the image of the web and the sad bugs who meet it.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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I read this octogram, and though it was new to me, the form you seem to have made work to weave an image of both beauty and darkness. It took me a few times to get into the flow, but I liked the image of the web and the sad bugs who meet it.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Turtle - I love this form and the rhythm it produces :-) Brooke
Comment from deerose
Very nice poem. The artwork is also very nice. It painted the picture of what spider web truly is . It is well written. Keep them coming.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2010
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Very nice poem. The artwork is also very nice. It painted the picture of what spider web truly is . It is well written. Keep them coming.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Deerose. I appreciate your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Brooke ...
Under such a lovely picture, decked with dew-drops, you have so well describe the way little insects are attracted to and then caught in the fine strands of a Spider-Web ... and this you have done within the confines of a most interesting format.
There is, of course, nothing to suggest changing and I thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ...... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2010
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Hullo Brooke ...
Under such a lovely picture, decked with dew-drops, you have so well describe the way little insects are attracted to and then caught in the fine strands of a Spider-Web ... and this you have done within the confines of a most interesting format.
There is, of course, nothing to suggest changing and I thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ...... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Nanette Mary. I'm so glad you enjoyed this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from samandlancelot
I think spider webs are so beautiful, yet they are created with deadly intentions. This is my first read of an octogram. Your repeated lines add strength to the poem.
How cruel are these last mistakes
this web creates. (great lines)
Patricia
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2010
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I think spider webs are so beautiful, yet they are created with deadly intentions. This is my first read of an octogram. Your repeated lines add strength to the poem.
How cruel are these last mistakes
this web creates. (great lines)
Patricia
Comment Written 24-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Patricia. I appreciate your kind review of this poem - I love the octogram form. Brooke
