Performance Problems- My Life! LOL
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Replowing The Fields"A halarious adventure with misery, but always joy!
6 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
You sure were an old soul - the first day of vacation for most teens is a day to sleep in late and then have a grand old time, not a time for reflection and evaluation of the prior school year.
You have quite a few comma splices where you should be separating complete sentences/clauses with a period but are instead creating a run on by placing a comma there
Margie shoed me off - shooed
Mike, you are not getting Lifesaving badge - add comma for direct address
My Uncle showed up - now capital in uncle unless it's part of a name, like Uncle Charlie
my Dad and Uncle called the ambulance - dad and uncle
grandfather was from my father's side - add apostrophe for possessive
Mike, you touch on many interesting aspects of your life in this chapter and always provide good details - the weakest part of your writing is the techical SPAG part. Brooke
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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You sure were an old soul - the first day of vacation for most teens is a day to sleep in late and then have a grand old time, not a time for reflection and evaluation of the prior school year.
You have quite a few comma splices where you should be separating complete sentences/clauses with a period but are instead creating a run on by placing a comma there
Margie shoed me off - shooed
Mike, you are not getting Lifesaving badge - add comma for direct address
My Uncle showed up - now capital in uncle unless it's part of a name, like Uncle Charlie
my Dad and Uncle called the ambulance - dad and uncle
grandfather was from my father's side - add apostrophe for possessive
Mike, you touch on many interesting aspects of your life in this chapter and always provide good details - the weakest part of your writing is the techical SPAG part. Brooke
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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At this point in the day, I am too tired to worry, but rest assured by the next post the corrections will be considered and made. I always have admitted that, but for some strange reason, I worry other professional writers and performers. I have to admit, that I am self taught and at times, using printers tips from the 50's. What floors me is the SPAG that I detect in the city wide newspaper. I always not only take everything into account, but appreciate a review like this and thank you for it. I love your first line and in the strange thing about this work is I considered Jean an old soul as well. Just have to catch up with grammer. Dare I regress to, "It takes one, to know one!" Have a great day. Mike K
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My local paper is infamous for how SPAG-riddled it is, and also factual error-riddled - they will identify a school or business as being in the wrong town or township, for instance. I stopped subscribing to it years ago for this reason.
Comment from nor84
Try separating your dialogue so that it stands out from the wordy paragraphs. Readers like and often scan for what they refer to as "white spaces", and that's what you get when you separate the dialogue.
My suggestions are meant to help, so take what you can use and disregard the rest. I've offered some suggestions for the following paragraph:
The second time I asked, she dropped the hammer down(.)"Come on(,) Mike(.) You know I am dating[Mike], and I have no interest in anyone else.">>> This is a good place to insert a paragraph break.
While disappointed, her forth rightness (forthrightness) was actually a blessing that I could admire her for. But this would become an impediment to me meeting other people[,] consumed with their dating relationships who were less [the] nice when I asked them out.>>> Comments: bracketed words and punctuation [ ] can be cut for clarity. Words or punctuation in parentheses ( ) can be added.
Unless this teacher was also dating someone named Mike, the bracketed repeat of the word should be cut.
me; most just wanted to have fun and didn't care.>>>' Most'should start with a capital letter and begin a new sentence. The semicolon is used to joint two short and related sentences, and doesn't work well here.
Wake-up call is a hyphenated word.
stinging nettle does not have to be capitalized, nor does salamanders or vultures.
was still in Vern's[,] Sand Shark
this is a good story coming of age story about a boy trying to earn a merit badge and being refused at first, and his first struggles with dating and girls.
"Lou, I don't know why your >>>you're=you ae. "your" is the possessive form.
The word "grandfather" and also "dad" should not be capitalized as a general rule. When someone speaks to his dad, or to his granddad, then the word takes the place of the name and is capitalized. If he says in narrative" granddad told me it can be capitalized because it takes the place of a name. In narrative, other than that, it should be lower case.
The second time I asked, she dropped the hammer down, "Come on Mike, you know I am dating Mike, and I have no interest in anyone else." While disappointed, her forth rightness was actually a blessing that I could admire her for. But this would become an impediment to me meeting other people, consumed with their dating relationships who were less the nice when I asked them out.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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Try separating your dialogue so that it stands out from the wordy paragraphs. Readers like and often scan for what they refer to as "white spaces", and that's what you get when you separate the dialogue.
My suggestions are meant to help, so take what you can use and disregard the rest. I've offered some suggestions for the following paragraph:
The second time I asked, she dropped the hammer down(.)"Come on(,) Mike(.) You know I am dating[Mike], and I have no interest in anyone else.">>> This is a good place to insert a paragraph break.
While disappointed, her forth rightness (forthrightness) was actually a blessing that I could admire her for. But this would become an impediment to me meeting other people[,] consumed with their dating relationships who were less [the] nice when I asked them out.>>> Comments: bracketed words and punctuation [ ] can be cut for clarity. Words or punctuation in parentheses ( ) can be added.
Unless this teacher was also dating someone named Mike, the bracketed repeat of the word should be cut.
me; most just wanted to have fun and didn't care.>>>' Most'should start with a capital letter and begin a new sentence. The semicolon is used to joint two short and related sentences, and doesn't work well here.
Wake-up call is a hyphenated word.
stinging nettle does not have to be capitalized, nor does salamanders or vultures.
was still in Vern's[,] Sand Shark
this is a good story coming of age story about a boy trying to earn a merit badge and being refused at first, and his first struggles with dating and girls.
"Lou, I don't know why your >>>you're=you ae. "your" is the possessive form.
The word "grandfather" and also "dad" should not be capitalized as a general rule. When someone speaks to his dad, or to his granddad, then the word takes the place of the name and is capitalized. If he says in narrative" granddad told me it can be capitalized because it takes the place of a name. In narrative, other than that, it should be lower case.
The second time I asked, she dropped the hammer down, "Come on Mike, you know I am dating Mike, and I have no interest in anyone else." While disappointed, her forth rightness was actually a blessing that I could admire her for. But this would become an impediment to me meeting other people, consumed with their dating relationships who were less the nice when I asked them out.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I found a little confusion and immediately sought to remidy it. I also did many of you suggested changes, ironically in areas that I had wondered about in my mind. Thank you very much for your taking the time to review this, of course for the review and suggested changes as well the compliments. Mike
Comment from misscookie
I like this very much It ts clear and very frist.
I like the way you express the charcters feeling and how they responded back.
this is a good wtrite.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I like this very much It ts clear and very frist.
I like the way you express the charcters feeling and how they responded back.
this is a good wtrite.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike
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thank you,have a nice day.
Comment from IndianaIrish
Good chapter, Mike. Here's some things to check on...
Your first paragraph alone has 5 "that"...I know you like the word, Mike, but they truly are unnecessary.
strange scraggly read(red) hair
fact that I will(would) be going to Double Rock
shaking of (off)the dirt and laughing from it
we had to walk though(through) a hundred foot field
Tiger Salamanders where (were)shot
revealed though(through) the tell(-)tale triangular shape
knocked on the(delete the) Tim's door in the morning
wanted to see what will(would) happen if I took
Dad said that he will(would)take up the fight
don't know why your(you're) letting Mike play with that girl
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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Good chapter, Mike. Here's some things to check on...
Your first paragraph alone has 5 "that"...I know you like the word, Mike, but they truly are unnecessary.
strange scraggly read(red) hair
fact that I will(would) be going to Double Rock
shaking of (off)the dirt and laughing from it
we had to walk though(through) a hundred foot field
Tiger Salamanders where (were)shot
revealed though(through) the tell(-)tale triangular shape
knocked on the(delete the) Tim's door in the morning
wanted to see what will(would) happen if I took
Dad said that he will(would)take up the fight
don't know why your(you're) letting Mike play with that girl
Indy :>)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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I fixed the first paragraph, I seem to be unconsciously making the same mistakes. I actually think it is because it is ingrained in my brain's functioning. I thank you very much for the compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from Jessethesubstitute
I enjoyed the symbolism and the quick change imagery. There are too many run on sentences, and you need to use spell check, and watch out for missing words.
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I enjoyed the symbolism and the quick change imagery. There are too many run on sentences, and you need to use spell check, and watch out for missing words.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
Comment from dragonqueen1983
i really admire you for writing about your life. its something i find very difficult to do. you expressed yourself very well
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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i really admire you for writing about your life. its something i find very difficult to do. you expressed yourself very well
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2010
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It is difficult as we want to present ourselves in the best light, or at least a better one, but so much would be lost as it is the lessons learned that I really want to convey, aslo the possibility for people to see the reasoning for being better themselves. If I tried to tone down a negative experience, then the dishonesty causes a failure in a latter part of the book. I really appreciate this review and thank you for it and the compliments. Mike
