Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Fun and Games"A woman is stalked by a fan
15 total reviews
Comment from RenieReader
Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water ... heh heh heh. The men are playing with fire. They'd better be careful.
The event ranked in the top five charitable benefits of the season and was supported by both the Women's Club(')s and Junior League(')s of San Diego and Greater Los Angeles counties.
Love this lead up to Gracie. Good job.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2010
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Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water ... heh heh heh. The men are playing with fire. They'd better be careful.
The event ranked in the top five charitable benefits of the season and was supported by both the Women's Club(')s and Junior League(')s of San Diego and Greater Los Angeles counties.
Love this lead up to Gracie. Good job.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 19-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2010
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Well, hey, you! I was beginning to get together a possee! I've missed you. Hope you're feeling better now.
Thanks for such a great review. I'll add in the 's! Thanks so much and so good to see you again!
Hugs,
Gayle
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No, no no. Take out the apostrophes. They ain't possessive, babes. :D
I'm still hacking my lungs out. Can't seem to get over it. Maybe I just need Spring to sprung or something.
Luvies,
Renie
Comment from joelh605
Thanks, Gayle - you da bestest, too.
Joel
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Yeah, the dominoes are lining up to make a big rendezvous! Let me know when you want your star back - gotta hold at least a toe to the fire here; the sentence posse has this great dog working for them...
Grins,
Joel
[[ High surf was expected along Huntington Beach and all the big names of the sport gathered to compete with the waves, each other, and their adversary, the sea.
I shouldn't be doing this, but please pardon an interfering suggestion: instead of "adversary" how about "difficult partner"? - the sea lifts and propels them, after all. ]]
=-=-=
Finally, three offers that really turned him on.
This sentence isn't complete. Instead of "that", how about a nice verb? :)
Showcasing, the best surfing on the mainland held a great lure for Nathan.
Where did that comma come from? Typo?
The third, an invitation from the group funding and organizing the charity Pro-Am golf tournament down at San Juan Hills Golf Club.
Ditto the above, needs a verb.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Thanks, Gayle - you da bestest, too.
Joel
=-=-=
Yeah, the dominoes are lining up to make a big rendezvous! Let me know when you want your star back - gotta hold at least a toe to the fire here; the sentence posse has this great dog working for them...
Grins,
Joel
[[ High surf was expected along Huntington Beach and all the big names of the sport gathered to compete with the waves, each other, and their adversary, the sea.
I shouldn't be doing this, but please pardon an interfering suggestion: instead of "adversary" how about "difficult partner"? - the sea lifts and propels them, after all. ]]
=-=-=
Finally, three offers that really turned him on.
This sentence isn't complete. Instead of "that", how about a nice verb? :)
Showcasing, the best surfing on the mainland held a great lure for Nathan.
Where did that comma come from? Typo?
The third, an invitation from the group funding and organizing the charity Pro-Am golf tournament down at San Juan Hills Golf Club.
Ditto the above, needs a verb.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hey good buddie, I'm going in to fix now. Good grief, I must have had my spag meter turned off. Glad you saw them.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Readywriter52
Nathan is going to a photo shoot. Cathy and Rudy seem to be relaxing after their ordeals. They are talking about the dogs. Is this the calm before the storm?
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Nathan is going to a photo shoot. Cathy and Rudy seem to be relaxing after their ordeals. They are talking about the dogs. Is this the calm before the storm?
Comment Written 14-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hi and thanks for the great comments and fine review. Sorry it took so long to get back to you.
Gayle
Comment from Sissy
Hi Gayle,
Personally, I'd enjoy reading the chapter about the dogs!
Now to the review:
Good chapter here, I like the joking around about the Jag at the end. That really humanizes this (as well as adds humor), and for those of us who knows these characters well, it's a lot of fun.
Oy, everyone's gonna be at the golf tournament, except, perhaps, for Tiger Woods????? :)
Overall, very smooth, very well done. Just a few things to check out:
Showcasing, the best surfing on the mainland held a great lure for Nathan. (do you need that comma after 'Showcasing'. I don't know surfing terms, I don't know if that is referring to 'the best surfing on the mainland'? If so, you need to leave the first comma and add one after 'mainland'.)
While he was no where (nowhere?) near broke
about plumping up the bank account.
accounts plump again. No doubt there
(that 'plumping up' and then 'plump' is a bit noticeably repetitive.)
this black(-)tie (?) event
find human(-)interest stories
It would be anything but a quiet weekend(+,) and just being among so many people and not minding it gave Nathan courage.
to find that blonde girl and introduce myself
young girl on water skis, long blonde hair trailing behind her. (no 'e' on blonde in these two instances.)
Nathan followed the valet into the hotel lobby(+,) clutching the large leather bag that contained his cameras
One is a bomb(-)disposal dog.
to a three(-)mile stretch
He's mounted. They brought cavalry units into play about a year ago. The horses are silent, at least
(ooh! I didn't know this!)
developed a special Kevlar vest, like the troops wear, that protects the entire body, and little helmets, like the ones bike riders wear. (you have 'a special Kevlar vest' - singular, and then 'little helmets' - plural. On purpose? Maybe either go with one or the other.)
He calls her amazing Grace." (Caps on the 'A' in 'amazing' if that's the title he calls her by.)
He kissed Cathy again and headed for the driveway and his car. (consider just 'and headed for his car'. A little simpler)
and they're holding a black(-)tie ball tomorrow night."
. If not(+,) we'll call
Take care,
Sissy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hi Gayle,
Personally, I'd enjoy reading the chapter about the dogs!
Now to the review:
Good chapter here, I like the joking around about the Jag at the end. That really humanizes this (as well as adds humor), and for those of us who knows these characters well, it's a lot of fun.
Oy, everyone's gonna be at the golf tournament, except, perhaps, for Tiger Woods????? :)
Overall, very smooth, very well done. Just a few things to check out:
Showcasing, the best surfing on the mainland held a great lure for Nathan. (do you need that comma after 'Showcasing'. I don't know surfing terms, I don't know if that is referring to 'the best surfing on the mainland'? If so, you need to leave the first comma and add one after 'mainland'.)
While he was no where (nowhere?) near broke
about plumping up the bank account.
accounts plump again. No doubt there
(that 'plumping up' and then 'plump' is a bit noticeably repetitive.)
this black(-)tie (?) event
find human(-)interest stories
It would be anything but a quiet weekend(+,) and just being among so many people and not minding it gave Nathan courage.
to find that blonde girl and introduce myself
young girl on water skis, long blonde hair trailing behind her. (no 'e' on blonde in these two instances.)
Nathan followed the valet into the hotel lobby(+,) clutching the large leather bag that contained his cameras
One is a bomb(-)disposal dog.
to a three(-)mile stretch
He's mounted. They brought cavalry units into play about a year ago. The horses are silent, at least
(ooh! I didn't know this!)
developed a special Kevlar vest, like the troops wear, that protects the entire body, and little helmets, like the ones bike riders wear. (you have 'a special Kevlar vest' - singular, and then 'little helmets' - plural. On purpose? Maybe either go with one or the other.)
He calls her amazing Grace." (Caps on the 'A' in 'amazing' if that's the title he calls her by.)
He kissed Cathy again and headed for the driveway and his car. (consider just 'and headed for his car'. A little simpler)
and they're holding a black(-)tie ball tomorrow night."
. If not(+,) we'll call
Take care,
Sissy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hey Sis,
I swear, I don't know where that comma came from after 'showcasing!!! but it's outa there. I'm going back to make the changes, give me ten minutes and see if it's improved. Thanks so much for the edits, my eagle eyed little friend.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from patmedium
I'll be sorry to lose this one, It's turned into an old friend. I hope we'll get a chance to pop over to the farm? I'd like to see a dog being put through her paces. I find myself hoping that Cathy and Mr. trouble don't meet up tonight. Pat.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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I'll be sorry to lose this one, It's turned into an old friend. I hope we'll get a chance to pop over to the farm? I'd like to see a dog being put through her paces. I find myself hoping that Cathy and Mr. trouble don't meet up tonight. Pat.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hi Pat,
We're getting to the end of this, several more chapters, but it's coming! Thanks for the great comments. So appreciate the support.
Gayle
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Don't be galloping. Pat.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I don't trust Nathan or any of his alters. This is a well written chapter, as all of your's are. I have a feeling the dog show is more than just a dog show.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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I don't trust Nathan or any of his alters. This is a well written chapter, as all of your's are. I have a feeling the dog show is more than just a dog show.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hi Barbara,
Thanks for the great comments and fine review!
Gayle
Comment from fictionwriter
Hey being a dog lover, I'd be really interested in the meeting of the dog and the DHS agent. Sounds good. I can see that this is heading for disaster, again. Great job.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hey being a dog lover, I'd be really interested in the meeting of the dog and the DHS agent. Sounds good. I can see that this is heading for disaster, again. Great job.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Yep, bad things in store. Thanks for the super comments. I really appreciate them.
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
I enjoyed this chapter, but I have a couple of comments:
"She's going to do her part to keep the illegals on the other side of the border." Using a vicious dog to catch people who are just looking for a way to live sounds callous. Why not say "to catch drug smugglers"? A bit later, Rudy talks exclusively about these cruds.
"So you're off, huh?" Ella blew into her cup and took a tentative sip." This jarred me a bit. I had no idea Ella was with Cathy and Rudy. I thought the two of them were alone.
About your dog chapter: As an individual chapter, I think it'd be just grand. When it comes to dogs and horses, you write as well as anybody I know. But this book already seems to ramble a bit. After Jim and Lenny rescued Cathy and Norman "went inside," I expected a short denouement. But the book was only half over. Your focus should be on three people, Cathy and Rudy on one side, and Nathan on the other. A dog chapter would make the book ramble a bit more.
Why not post that chapter as a stand-alone short story?
Dave
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Gayle,
I enjoyed this chapter, but I have a couple of comments:
"She's going to do her part to keep the illegals on the other side of the border." Using a vicious dog to catch people who are just looking for a way to live sounds callous. Why not say "to catch drug smugglers"? A bit later, Rudy talks exclusively about these cruds.
"So you're off, huh?" Ella blew into her cup and took a tentative sip." This jarred me a bit. I had no idea Ella was with Cathy and Rudy. I thought the two of them were alone.
About your dog chapter: As an individual chapter, I think it'd be just grand. When it comes to dogs and horses, you write as well as anybody I know. But this book already seems to ramble a bit. After Jim and Lenny rescued Cathy and Norman "went inside," I expected a short denouement. But the book was only half over. Your focus should be on three people, Cathy and Rudy on one side, and Nathan on the other. A dog chapter would make the book ramble a bit more.
Why not post that chapter as a stand-alone short story?
Dave
Comment Written 14-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hey Dave,
I guess I could do that. I'm not sure. In any event, the time at the farm would not be a full chapter. I'm not sure but I'll take your ideas into consideration, for sure.
Thanks for the great review,
Gayle
Comment from Sasha
This is a terrific chapter. Knowing Nathan will be there and Rudy is leaving, adds enough tension to cause me to bite my nails in anticipation. While the chapter on Gracie and Rudy sounds interesting, I'll have to read it to determine if it is necessary as an individual chapter, so I guess I'm saying, go ahead and post it.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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This is a terrific chapter. Knowing Nathan will be there and Rudy is leaving, adds enough tension to cause me to bite my nails in anticipation. While the chapter on Gracie and Rudy sounds interesting, I'll have to read it to determine if it is necessary as an individual chapter, so I guess I'm saying, go ahead and post it.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hey Sasha,
It won't be a full chapter, maybe about a third. Very concise and showing a lot of action.
Great ideas, my friend. Thanks for commenting,
Gayle
Comment from adewpearl
Showcasing, the best surfing on the mainland, - add the second comma
into the hotel lobby, clutching - add comma
While I haven't followed the book, the chapter is easy to follow, especially the section about the photographer and his choice of assignments - one wonders how much money those charity events actually hand over to breast cancer research after all the fancy receptions and hotel rooms, etc, they pay for! It is interesting to hear the photographer mull over the assignments in his mind and explain what opportunities each one offers and what shortcomings/risks each has too. Good detail, realistic plot, natural-sounding dialogue. Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Showcasing, the best surfing on the mainland, - add the second comma
into the hotel lobby, clutching - add comma
While I haven't followed the book, the chapter is easy to follow, especially the section about the photographer and his choice of assignments - one wonders how much money those charity events actually hand over to breast cancer research after all the fancy receptions and hotel rooms, etc, they pay for! It is interesting to hear the photographer mull over the assignments in his mind and explain what opportunities each one offers and what shortcomings/risks each has too. Good detail, realistic plot, natural-sounding dialogue. Brooke
Comment Written 14-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Hi Brooke,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate your kind words and input. Yes, one would wonder about that. The charities bring in a ton of money and they get a lot of stuff 'comped' -- tax deductions for all -- and a good cause gets some extra bucks!
Thanks again!
Gayle
