Comment from IndianaIrish

Good

This chapter lets the reader see how things have changed since you were a kid, and also how they're still the same. Some things to look over, Mike...


one person died when he jumped of(f) the center part of the cliff, on (onto)

finicky and had to go(to) the bike shop fairly often(.)

Catching, it ripped the wheel of(f) and sent (me)flying in the air,

He told us that didn't doesn't (didn't doesn't?? what are you saying here?)see anything, unless one of us breaks our neck.

Mr. Pfiefer was the principle (principal)

He said how fine that school is(was), who(how) great(,delete and)) and friendly, courteous and wonderfrul(wonderful) the students are(were).

No one at the school bothered me about the knife hang(ing) off of my side, and to be honest, most of the boy(s) had something similar.(something similar? similar as a knife or most of the boys had one also?)

In winter they had a steep hill, and after a snow,(that makes it sound like the hill was only there in the winter. After a snow that winter, we found a box-spring mattress that we used as a sled on the steep hill.)

I had at least(you either had five or not...delete at least) five complete, cold water immersions.

I almost wet (went)under

play around until we(were) ready to go

I am(was) grounded until Christmas vacation is (was)over and she will(would)

We were(delete were) had the time of our life

Indy :>)

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010

Hopefully also the why, in addition to how. Very often, the motivations for such a change is mistaken, which creates a course of resentment in the person. This is for later, but my mother was sort of guiding my father in how she thought that he should proceed. It actually took a lot of pressure off of me. Mom always drew the line with respect and honesty. I thank you very much for the compliments and this review. Mike

Comment from poetknowit

Good

Having raised three sons, I know this is a pretty realistic portrayal of what teenage boys do with their spare time!

You have described it in graphic detail and with great flair, making the reader feel as if the author has 9 lives!

I do notice some run-on sentences where the commas need to be changed to periods and a new sentence started. Also, your punctuation in places needs some revision.

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2010

I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. I caught a few of them myself and will go back and take a look. Mike

Comment from Blue Lotus 1015

Excellent

Great chapter, your imagery is really well done. I think we can all relate to the crazy things we've done in our youth! Great job!

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2010

I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. That's the beauty of this book, in all honesty I can't say I regretted my past and love to share what I have learned and how it changed me. Mike

Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas

Excellent

The nice thing about this one is the beautiful, crispy and very high ranked sentences. The font size was unusual. Please re size it.
The last sentence was powerful too,
Most of the people that would remain lifelong friends came from this era in my life.[ Good one]

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 14-Feb-2010

Well, I have been working with one word processor and through three editors here. I see your point and will go through the twenty three chapters and fix things. I thank you very much for the compliments and for reviewing this. Mike

reply by Kashif Ali Abbas on 14-Feb-2010

You are welcome

K

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Woe, that's enough for now - Whoa
The second time I got high; was absolutely wonderful - no punctuation at all there
Mr. Pfeifer was the principle - principal
most of the boy had something similar - boys
Can you imagine a kid displaying a knife at school today? He'd be expelled before you could say "weapon." Your memories remind us how much the world has changed in some ways while some things, like kids messing around with too much bravado, never change. Brooke

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2010

Thank you very much for this review. I will make my corrections when I come back home. I promised to watch a band. It's just a few chapters like this, since this is as much about growing up, I feel it is an important experience to relate. I walked around 9th and 10 grades with a knife and the only time the principal said anything was when I forgot and had my six inch sheath knife, he asked me if I was planning to kill somebody and ask that I keep it in a secure place at the end of the day. The next year was the no tolerance policy and I was escorted to the office, threatened with explulsion and the weapon was confiscated. The kids today still carry weapons, unfortunately you don't find it out until you are at a point that you have to react. Our two big problems today are, too many adults walk as the kids will challange you, "You can't do anything! I'm a juvenile!" and the police won't do anything as there are no places to put them. That's what I ran into with my step-daughter. It was WW III in my household. Stay tuned, you'll see not only how justice was served me, but how it changed my thinking.


I thank you so much for your corrections and this review. Mike