At Last
It just didn't seem possible77 total reviews
Comment from patmedium
Bob... You have imbued this whole story with emotion. The mental images were perfect. This is, as usual, an exquisite piece of work. Sheer poetry. Pat.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Bob... You have imbued this whole story with emotion. The mental images were perfect. This is, as usual, an exquisite piece of work. Sheer poetry. Pat.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Pat.I so much appreciate your fine review. Bob
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A pleasure to read. Pat.
Comment from anne1204
I loved this story. Of course I am a romantic at heart. Very good description of your love interest and a perfect Valentine story. Nice to see you writing again. You have been silent for a while. Good writing Anne 1204
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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I loved this story. Of course I am a romantic at heart. Very good description of your love interest and a perfect Valentine story. Nice to see you writing again. You have been silent for a while. Good writing Anne 1204
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Hi, Anne. Thanks so much for noticing. I am down in Florida in the sun...visiting. Have not done very much on FS while here...LOL...Thanks again...See you soon...Bob
Comment from hletto2
Another beautifully told story. :)
I love that you based it off of your own wife. Your undying love echoed throughout the entire piece!
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Another beautifully told story. :)
I love that you based it off of your own wife. Your undying love echoed throughout the entire piece!
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Thanks so much, hletto. You are very insightful aren't you? Bob
Comment from patwannabe
Bob, this is delightful. I knew there must be a twist at the end because it was so "ordinary", for lack of a better word. Wonderful twist.
Caught a couple tweakies in the next to last para.
So lost in our private moment, it never occurred (to us) that we had...
And a period at the end. (It wasn't "the end", only the beginning.
"At Last" is a great song. Best to you and Lynie, pat
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Bob, this is delightful. I knew there must be a twist at the end because it was so "ordinary", for lack of a better word. Wonderful twist.
Caught a couple tweakies in the next to last para.
So lost in our private moment, it never occurred (to us) that we had...
And a period at the end. (It wasn't "the end", only the beginning.
"At Last" is a great song. Best to you and Lynie, pat
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Thanks so much, Pat..So good of you to give that help too...Bob
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Bob...this Valentine story is tear jerker and the end is even more so. Your imagery is so vivid I felt like I was in that restaurant watching you on your knees proposing. Well done and good luck in the contest.....M
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Hi Bob...this Valentine story is tear jerker and the end is even more so. Your imagery is so vivid I felt like I was in that restaurant watching you on your knees proposing. Well done and good luck in the contest.....M
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Thanks so much, Chey...Bless you always...Bob
Comment from twilightmuffin1
Oh my god this is amazing!! I have also joined this competition, but-as a young person-I am sure you will win! I have seen the competition, and am praying for you to win all the way! Thank you for sharing with us the beauty of a good story.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Oh my god this is amazing!! I have also joined this competition, but-as a young person-I am sure you will win! I have seen the competition, and am praying for you to win all the way! Thank you for sharing with us the beauty of a good story.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Wow! Now that is a true compliment, muffin. Wow! A six and best wishes from the competition? Can't get any better than this...XX Bob
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you are so welcome!
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
A good valentine story with sweet narration. there is something special that was in it. however, a little of color at times.
the ending was good.
The song "At Last" by Etta James came to mind and it bathed my soul that night as it will forever.
overall,a good effort and best of luck for the contest
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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A good valentine story with sweet narration. there is something special that was in it. however, a little of color at times.
the ending was good.
The song "At Last" by Etta James came to mind and it bathed my soul that night as it will forever.
overall,a good effort and best of luck for the contest
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Thanks, Kashif. Mind if I ask what it was that you did not like as you gave me a four which means there is decided room for improvement? Bob
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Hi,
The linking meaningfulness between the lines is a great too when every sentence becomes powerful, the only thing i found a little of color was this approach.
Love,
K
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mastery,
Perfect love story of how you asked your lovely wife to marry you.
Just the kind of romantic story us women love to read.
Your dialogue and the beautiful restaurant scene was so delightful to read.
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Hello Mastery,
Perfect love story of how you asked your lovely wife to marry you.
Just the kind of romantic story us women love to read.
Your dialogue and the beautiful restaurant scene was so delightful to read.
Gert
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Thank you, once again, Gert. I do appreciate you so...Bob
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello Bob,
Thanks for sharing your innermost feelings with us. Good fiction is grounded in truth, so I feel comfident that your actual actions were reflected in this wonderful story.
Great job with this one.
Ray
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Hello Bob,
Thanks for sharing your innermost feelings with us. Good fiction is grounded in truth, so I feel comfident that your actual actions were reflected in this wonderful story.
Great job with this one.
Ray
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Hey! Ray! Thanks so very much for this...Bob
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Hey! Ray! Thanks so very much for this..You are always so kind to my writing and this six is just wonderful, my friend...Bob
Comment from Marjorie D.
This is a very romantic story. That Lynie was in a wheelchair made it all the more wonderful. It meant so much more that love conquers all ... and everything!
There are a few minor things that need attention, but I know you'll take care of them as you see fit, Bob.
... a little black dress that hemmed just above the knee ... (suggestion: ... a little black dress hemmed to just above the knee.)
I nodded and helped her out of the car. ("Of the car" could be left out because it's understood.)
She held my eyes, didn't pull away. (Unless you change "eyes" to "gaze", the FS crew will crucify you. LOL Oh, wait! I'm part of that crowd. hehe)
... and gently slid it onto Lynie's finger. ("Her" could be used in place of her name here. Be careful not to overuse names.)
... Lynie's wheel chair (wheelchair) ...
Great work! Good luck!
XO
Marjorie
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2010
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This is a very romantic story. That Lynie was in a wheelchair made it all the more wonderful. It meant so much more that love conquers all ... and everything!
There are a few minor things that need attention, but I know you'll take care of them as you see fit, Bob.
... a little black dress that hemmed just above the knee ... (suggestion: ... a little black dress hemmed to just above the knee.)
I nodded and helped her out of the car. ("Of the car" could be left out because it's understood.)
She held my eyes, didn't pull away. (Unless you change "eyes" to "gaze", the FS crew will crucify you. LOL Oh, wait! I'm part of that crowd. hehe)
... and gently slid it onto Lynie's finger. ("Her" could be used in place of her name here. Be careful not to overuse names.)
... Lynie's wheel chair (wheelchair) ...
Great work! Good luck!
XO
Marjorie
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2010
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Thanks so much, Marjorie. I appreciate your review as always. And again, thanks for the tips...Bob
