Comment from Sissy

Excellent

Hi Gayle,

Hope all is well. Goodness, I am so far behind on this one! I got the notice in my PM box and decided to check this out. Shoot - I've got to go back and get reading!

I'll judge this on a 'single chapter only' basis. First of all, I thought the scene b/w Nathan and Norman, and their dialogue was well done. I'm obviously not sure of the relationship b/w Donnie and Nathan and its parameters, but at the beginning I actually thought Nathan had a crush on Donnie (YIKES - so wrong there!)

Anyhow, everything read smoothly and I thought it flowed well. Only a couple tiny things:

. Adolescence as we knew it was filled with such revulsion and hatred, I have no idea how we managed (consider a dash here or something to break this up a bit.) and young adulthood was even worse.

Back here on February 8th (spell out 'eighth', I think.)

That's it!
Take care,
Sissy

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010

Eighth! I wasn't sure, but I knew someone would know! Thanks Sis, and for the great comments. Yes, a couple of dashes, or an elypses would break that up a tad, huh.

Say, did you get to hear the Mosaic trailer? You'll love it!

Hugs,
Gayle

reply by Sissy on 07-Feb-2010

I have to get to where I have high-speed internet on my netbook. At home, I live where we can't get anything but dial-up - as soon as I hear it, I'll let you know!

Sis

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Oh my, free to go and do whatever. I wonder if a study has been done about the number of people released and how many of them stay on their meds and continue seeing their doctor? This is a good post.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010

Hey Barbara

I bet there are lots of studies about that. From all my research the meds for DID as well as bi-polar syndrome are very much in the 'downer' category. Now, that wouldn't be a good thing for me, and I can see why they so often go off the meds, especially if, like Nathan, they'd been doing well for an extended period.

Thanks for the great rating and comments!

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Readywriter52

Excellent

Nathan has learned to communicate with his alter selves especially Norman. Donnie wonders if there will continue to be problems between Nathan and Norman. I assume the only reason that Nathan was released was because his doctors thought he was ready.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010

Nathan still needs to come in for a therapy session every week, but they feel he has the control needed. I'm not sure they're right!

Thanks for the fine R&R!

Gayle

Comment from RenieReader

Excellent

I didn't mind the wait one bit. This is great. I rather enjoy the sparring between Nathan and Norman. I think we're going to see some repercussions from that.

I was wondering how it would work to have Norman's dialogue in Italics? What do you think?

One more suggestion:
I think it's important to get our cards on the table with him, don't you [think==>agree]?"

Hugs,
Renie

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010

Hi Renie,

I've had a bit of writer's block, coupled with a VERY busy schedule, so it's been a while. Glad you liked this one!

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from tammipratt

Excellent

Good read. I must review some other chapters. I thought in particular this line had some nice imagery:
Dr. Pritchard, Donnie and Nathan waited in the traffic as cars inched their way down the boulevard.
And the act of hypnosis itself is very interesting.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010

Hi Tammi,

Thank you for stopping by and for the great comments. I hope to see you again soon!

Thanks,
Gayle

Comment from Korton

Excellent

Another excellent chapter, Gayle. We'll see if he can survive outside the controlled environment of the center. I'm guessing it's kinda like an alcoholic in this instance. If Norman assumes dominance, that could be bad news. Very well done.

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 Comment Written 06-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010

Hey Frank!

God, I've been meaning to call you! We're having wicked weather here and the phones are wigging out.

Thanks for the comments, and yes, much like an alcoholic, Nathan is returning to the scene of his 'crimes' his patio! LOL!

Talk soon and big thanks,
Gayle

Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

what? reginald doesn't help with writer's block? lol ;)

good chapter - but it kinda went a little.... "fast" -- or it could be just me lol

a couple suggestions for you....

I want to go home, don't you?" <-- suggestion after this line maybe put a page break or something? like those little squiggle ~ things?

We will see you back here in...." He opened his calendar and nodded. "Back here on February 8th. <-- instead of the dots, maybe put "back here in six months" then continue with the dialogue thingy?


other than that, good work - didnt notice any spaggies or typos

thanx for sharing!
shelley :)


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 Comment Written 06-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010

Hey little one, how are you doing? Lord, the mudslides...tell me you aren't dealing with THAT! OY! Cali is sliding into the sea.

Great comments, too; will implement. I have another one coming soon!

Hugs,
Gayle