Performance Problems- My Life! LOL
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Nature's Reprograming"A halarious adventure with misery, but always joy!
6 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hello Mike! I enjoyed reading about your camping experiences and how they impacted your life. A few things to look at...
Myself, I had a sort of had, nervous (Myself, I sort of had a nervous)
travels with Dave,(.)
Dave told me that we have (had)
Oriole (Oriole cookies? Is that a Baltimore thing or is it Oreo?) cookies in the air and watched us fight for them; dehydrated food has(had) that effect. Notice I didn't say freeze(-)dried like the(y) use(d)
all the horses are (were) old
had one (who instead of that)that couldn't keep (its instead of their)their nose
my horse bolts(bolted) away
If he(you) can't carry the tent
Dan Haggardy (you have Haggardy and Haggarty)
mountain man (men)
"No" (nned punctuation)
you also get(got) enough dealings
sowed the seeds to(of) desire to get as much adventure
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2010
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Hello Mike! I enjoyed reading about your camping experiences and how they impacted your life. A few things to look at...
Myself, I had a sort of had, nervous (Myself, I sort of had a nervous)
travels with Dave,(.)
Dave told me that we have (had)
Oriole (Oriole cookies? Is that a Baltimore thing or is it Oreo?) cookies in the air and watched us fight for them; dehydrated food has(had) that effect. Notice I didn't say freeze(-)dried like the(y) use(d)
all the horses are (were) old
had one (who instead of that)that couldn't keep (its instead of their)their nose
my horse bolts(bolted) away
If he(you) can't carry the tent
Dan Haggardy (you have Haggardy and Haggarty)
mountain man (men)
"No" (nned punctuation)
you also get(got) enough dealings
sowed the seeds to(of) desire to get as much adventure
Indy :>)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2010
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See! I am even affraid to spell Dad Haddardy's name because of that guy! I forgot to look that up, but will make the necessary changes. The next chapter is hardcore and I want to immediately post the one after at the same time. I got bogged down with work this week. I thank you so much for your compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from Judian James
This was a very exciting chapter Mike with an excellent and positive ending paragraph. I do have one thing to point out to you that I think you should be aware of:
"Once cannot adequately describe the majesty of seeing a sunrise at that altitude. The colors and their effects were absolutely incredible. I found this view incredible and also an unidentifiable, lone plant that has an incredibly shaped fluorescent hot pink flower. It became a symbol for me" In this one paragraph, you used "incredible" three times ... that's two times too many and diminishes everything you were trying to convey with a bit of over-kill. Otherwise, great write.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2010
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This was a very exciting chapter Mike with an excellent and positive ending paragraph. I do have one thing to point out to you that I think you should be aware of:
"Once cannot adequately describe the majesty of seeing a sunrise at that altitude. The colors and their effects were absolutely incredible. I found this view incredible and also an unidentifiable, lone plant that has an incredibly shaped fluorescent hot pink flower. It became a symbol for me" In this one paragraph, you used "incredible" three times ... that's two times too many and diminishes everything you were trying to convey with a bit of over-kill. Otherwise, great write.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2010
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I guess that I found the word to describe evertyhing. LOL I go back and figure out a way to fix it. I thought the altitude affected me as the sky turned green, I piddling around on Utube, there is a phenomena called a green flash. The second time I was on the mountain, my crew had to jump me to prevent me from walking off of it. I didn't realize that I had climbed the mountain.
Jude, I thank you very much for you compliments and this review, also the suggested correction too. Mike
Comment from John_Carrick
I'm a little confused by this chapter. I don't know who the main character is or what the story is about, if there is a story. It sounds, more than anything, like someone reminiscing about camping. Like real life, nothing happpens
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2010
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I'm a little confused by this chapter. I don't know who the main character is or what the story is about, if there is a story. It sounds, more than anything, like someone reminiscing about camping. Like real life, nothing happpens
Comment Written 02-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2010
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It seems that I am taking a pasting with this chapter and it is unfortunate that I couldn't just post it like a book and release it. I don't review many books myself as I find it best to go back and at least get a sense of, what the material is about and if I place a tag in front, then I will be downgraded for that as well. Nothing happens is merely an opinion on this chapter and this one is one of the more imoprtant experiences in this book. Sorry you feel the way that you do. Mike
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
COLOURS AND CREAMS IN MOTHER NATURE!
I liked this part of the non-fiction.
I enjoyed the flow of thoughts in dimensions, organised structure of thoughtful message, good coverage of points of view, tits-bits, diversities in eventful-adventurous-fantastic-educative courses of living, flavour-mode-mix-colour of fiction wrapping, organised expressiveness, logical sequential presentation, soft-biographical viewpoints in language cream, interesting-catchy introduction, curious-interesting-adventurous ending.
It was a pleasant adventurous confident read.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2010
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COLOURS AND CREAMS IN MOTHER NATURE!
I liked this part of the non-fiction.
I enjoyed the flow of thoughts in dimensions, organised structure of thoughtful message, good coverage of points of view, tits-bits, diversities in eventful-adventurous-fantastic-educative courses of living, flavour-mode-mix-colour of fiction wrapping, organised expressiveness, logical sequential presentation, soft-biographical viewpoints in language cream, interesting-catchy introduction, curious-interesting-adventurous ending.
It was a pleasant adventurous confident read.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2010
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The last two chapters have been hard to organized because thing occur more like a hand grende flash, yet like the real thing, each fragment is important. I thank you for your review. Mike
Comment from mbroyles2
Excellent adventure.
I thoroughly love the way this story played out.
The characters were well developed and the pace was exceptional.
The dialogue was great and carried the story forward.
Thanks for sharing your work.
Michael
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
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Excellent adventure.
I thoroughly love the way this story played out.
The characters were well developed and the pace was exceptional.
The dialogue was great and carried the story forward.
Thanks for sharing your work.
Michael
Comment Written 01-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
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Boy do I appreciate a review like this. I thank you very much for reading, reviewing and the compliments. Mike
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
A well written piece of work with clarity of expression and teasing theme of something about to happen any time. The only issue I have is the " too common" style of writing and if writing style is improved, this may become more appreciable.
The last line was also not powerful enough,
"..and sowed the seeds to desire to get as much adventure in my life as I can" [ A revision is better ]
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
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A well written piece of work with clarity of expression and teasing theme of something about to happen any time. The only issue I have is the " too common" style of writing and if writing style is improved, this may become more appreciable.
The last line was also not powerful enough,
"..and sowed the seeds to desire to get as much adventure in my life as I can" [ A revision is better ]
Comment Written 01-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
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Hate to say it, it is a realistic style and with writing, I do the best that I can. I am self taught, though not going to college, yet believing in continuing education. Having to work got in the way.
The last line is actually a lead in to the next chapter. I do thank you for taking a look at this.
