Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Breakthrough"A woman is stalked by a fan
15 total reviews
Comment from fictionwriter
Another great addition to the story. I can't wait to meet all of the alters, as they call them. I love this little story. Great job.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
  |
Another great addition to the story. I can't wait to meet all of the alters, as they call them. I love this little story. Great job.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
-
Thank you for such lovely comments. I'm glad you enjoyed!
Gayle
Comment from shelley kaye
your notes - it's not the editor - it's your profile it's too wide which pushes the post over too much
good chapter!
one line i noticed....
The next thing you know, here's Michael. <-- in reading this line with the rest of donnie's dialogue it feels out of place somewhat .... suggestion: "The next thing i knew, there's Michael."
nothing else noticed that should be fixed or changed
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
|
your notes - it's not the editor - it's your profile it's too wide which pushes the post over too much
good chapter!
one line i noticed....
The next thing you know, here's Michael. <-- in reading this line with the rest of donnie's dialogue it feels out of place somewhat .... suggestion: "The next thing i knew, there's Michael."
nothing else noticed that should be fixed or changed
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
-
Hey Shelley,
But how did that happen? I first thought it might be the UTube addy we put on about Mosaic, but it's not that. HELP!
Oh, and thanks...will fix,
Hugs,
Gayle
-
you didn't just put the addy itself for it - you put the whole tv thingy which is basically a big box.... it shows on all your posts making your profile w i d e r -- try taking it out and going to your posts - you'll see them back to 'normal' :)
Comment from Laidy
i thought this chapter was well written and a lovely post. Aw, Nathan was an emotional person. i thought this was a great write.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
|
i thought this chapter was well written and a lovely post. Aw, Nathan was an emotional person. i thought this was a great write.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
-
Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement. I appreciate it.
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
I noticed Evil Eddie's depradations, but they didn't interfere with my reading this post. I enjoyed it. If Nathan really feels sorry for what Norman put Cathy through, that is an excellent sign. I look forward to reading what happens when Nathan becomes aware of his alters, especially Norman. This could be explosive.
I enjoyed this read and have a couple of suggestions:
"He'd read the police report, knew what happened, but he had not yet integrated with his alters, so he had no personal knowledge or memory of what Norman put her through." Integration is a long ways off, and you've said a lot of this before. I'd write, "He'd read the police report and knew intellectually what had happened. But he held no memory of what Norman had put her through."
"How had his genuine admiration for her artistic talents,..." I think this entire paragraph would be more effective if put into Nathan's thoughts and placed in italics (or single quotes).
Dave
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
|
Gayle,
I noticed Evil Eddie's depradations, but they didn't interfere with my reading this post. I enjoyed it. If Nathan really feels sorry for what Norman put Cathy through, that is an excellent sign. I look forward to reading what happens when Nathan becomes aware of his alters, especially Norman. This could be explosive.
I enjoyed this read and have a couple of suggestions:
"He'd read the police report, knew what happened, but he had not yet integrated with his alters, so he had no personal knowledge or memory of what Norman put her through." Integration is a long ways off, and you've said a lot of this before. I'd write, "He'd read the police report and knew intellectually what had happened. But he held no memory of what Norman had put her through."
"How had his genuine admiration for her artistic talents,..." I think this entire paragraph would be more effective if put into Nathan's thoughts and placed in italics (or single quotes).
Dave
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
-
Hey Dave,
Great ideas, especially putting that final 'artistic talents' in inner thoughts. Will do, also the other..spot on.
Thanks for the eagle eye and your great review.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Korton
Another excellent chapter, Gayle. Hopefully the meds will do their job successfully. However, that would be pretty much the end of the story. Therefore, I suspect some further excitement. Kip has to receive satisfaction. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
|
Another excellent chapter, Gayle. Hopefully the meds will do their job successfully. However, that would be pretty much the end of the story. Therefore, I suspect some further excitement. Kip has to receive satisfaction. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
-
Well, there's still a battle of wills ahead. Let's hope Nathan prevails, because if not, Cathy better be watching!
Grins and big hugs,
Gayle
