The Cockroach Tree
What WILL happen, in the end?30 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
your end of the world story is cleverly written with fabulous imagery. The end of the world piece where the cockroaches are our demise is a chilling ending. Your descriptive writing is excellent in your story. I liked your chilling narrative and as I read the story came to life in my head. In your story you've managed to successfully establish a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your flash fiction story. I like this descriptive: "" I wish you good luck in the Post Your Best contest. I bet you win, my friend. The art work you uses is rustic and priceless. I'd recommend your cockroach story to other reviewers. I'm glad my family is around because this scared the hell out of me. Keep on writing wonderfully and have a fabulous day.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
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Susan,
your end of the world story is cleverly written with fabulous imagery. The end of the world piece where the cockroaches are our demise is a chilling ending. Your descriptive writing is excellent in your story. I liked your chilling narrative and as I read the story came to life in my head. In your story you've managed to successfully establish a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your flash fiction story. I like this descriptive: "" I wish you good luck in the Post Your Best contest. I bet you win, my friend. The art work you uses is rustic and priceless. I'd recommend your cockroach story to other reviewers. I'm glad my family is around because this scared the hell out of me. Keep on writing wonderfully and have a fabulous day.
Melissa.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
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Hi Melissa! Thanks! I reposted this because someone said they wanted to read it and couldn't find it in my portfolio? So, I don't think they have even read it yet. OH well. I do thank you for reading and reviewing it! I can't remember who won this. Too long ago! Thanks again Missy!! BIG hug! susan
Comment from Veekz
Awesomely, gruesome story. And a sad one too! I felt so bad for the little boy, not knowing what was happening, and the parents who did know but couldn't do anything to prevent it. Love the idea of the meek being the animals and insects too :)
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
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Awesomely, gruesome story. And a sad one too! I felt so bad for the little boy, not knowing what was happening, and the parents who did know but couldn't do anything to prevent it. Love the idea of the meek being the animals and insects too :)
Comment Written 17-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2011
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HI Jess! I really do think we're in for another dust bowl...so says the experts at Purdue anyway...( a leading university in the states)...HOPE they are wrong! And thank you for reading my tale of woe. Love you!! Susan
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
A very well written,if bleak story. Too painful to be enjoyable, and too near reality for many in the world. Reminded me of the dust bowl days. Hopefully man has learned since then. Thankfully I remember the promise of the rainbow,and trust the One sitting on His throne,that it will never be this bleak. Well written.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2011
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A very well written,if bleak story. Too painful to be enjoyable, and too near reality for many in the world. Reminded me of the dust bowl days. Hopefully man has learned since then. Thankfully I remember the promise of the rainbow,and trust the One sitting on His throne,that it will never be this bleak. Well written.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2011
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Hi there! You read my oldie! HUG and a ton of thanks...what an honor to have you enjoy this one! wow...xoxo, susan
Comment from bkrighter
This is a captivating and ultimately horrific story. Your description of the creatures in the midst of prolonged drought is very good. Nicely done.
Steve
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2010
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This is a captivating and ultimately horrific story. Your description of the creatures in the midst of prolonged drought is very good. Nicely done.
Steve
Comment Written 12-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2010
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Hi Steve, thank you very much for this kind review. I sure appreciate you taking time for me! And letting me know what you think of this story...hope you are keeping warm this cold winters day....:) Susan
Comment from Colin Douglas
Well, that is certainly powerfully gruesome writing. No dialogue, which is usually necessary in a good story, but the story is just short enough that one can overlook that, especially with the superior descriptions.
I think I would have liked this to be a longer story.
Still, great flash fiction.
Good job, and good luck.
Colin
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2010
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Well, that is certainly powerfully gruesome writing. No dialogue, which is usually necessary in a good story, but the story is just short enough that one can overlook that, especially with the superior descriptions.
I think I would have liked this to be a longer story.
Still, great flash fiction.
Good job, and good luck.
Colin
Comment Written 12-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2010
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Hi Colin, thank you for a really nice review...I appreciate your time to read this, and letting me know how you feel about it...I hope you are keeping warm this cold snowy month!! :) Susan
Comment from Mary's angel
So very well written; so vivid! So very sad! This could surely be happening in our days, in our country, in our life! Only god knows! A good plot a sad ending.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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So very well written; so vivid! So very sad! This could surely be happening in our days, in our country, in our life! Only god knows! A good plot a sad ending.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Well Hi there Mary's Angel! (nice screen name :) ~ Thank you for reading this! It was written after a summer long drought we had in Indiana. I fear water will be fought over like oil is now, someday...thank you for this really nice review, and all the fun stars!! I hope you are keeping warm this evening!!! Susan
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You are welcome Susan. May you ever experience the sadness your poetry contained! God blessings.
Comment from sgalletti
What an incredible piece of writing this is! I am out of sixes and so want to give you a six. The imagery is fabulous. You capture the reader from beginning to end. The choice of length of sentences and where you punctuate with words is outstanding. This is a lovely piece of writing. Thank you so much for entering this contest, and best of luck. Sue
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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What an incredible piece of writing this is! I am out of sixes and so want to give you a six. The imagery is fabulous. You capture the reader from beginning to end. The choice of length of sentences and where you punctuate with words is outstanding. This is a lovely piece of writing. Thank you so much for entering this contest, and best of luck. Sue
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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HI Sue! What a thrilling review. THANK YOU. This is my fav, so it means SO much to hear such encouraging words! I know how you feel about sixes. They haven given us four now, but I see so much good work, mine are gone very quickly too! Thank you very much for this rating and you encouragment!!! Hugs, Susan
Comment from AlvinTEthington
This goes against all publication advice today, which is to have fast paced action. However, it works in spite of that because of the strong powers of description. One can feel the despair because you show, not tell, it so well. What is even more frightening is that this could really happen and sooner than humankind expects. One minor copy editing note--
it's eyes open,--I believe you want the possessive its here, and not the contract it's.
It is interesting you end on a Scriptural note of hope, (Psalm 37:11), at least for the animal kingdom.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2010
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This goes against all publication advice today, which is to have fast paced action. However, it works in spite of that because of the strong powers of description. One can feel the despair because you show, not tell, it so well. What is even more frightening is that this could really happen and sooner than humankind expects. One minor copy editing note--
it's eyes open,--I believe you want the possessive its here, and not the contract it's.
It is interesting you end on a Scriptural note of hope, (Psalm 37:11), at least for the animal kingdom.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2010
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Hi Alvin, thank you for this great help! I will correct the ', you would think I would know this by now? And I did not know that we are supposed to have fast paced action by rule? I am trying to read up on these things, and I had heard, "show" not tell? I am trying to do that...and I thought of you yesterday. I had filled out a "writing test" for a tutorial school called Long Ridge? They of course, write back with "We are pleased to accept you to our school", and wondered if you knew anything about these types of places? Would it be a good investment to learn to write? They claim they can help you earn money in writing, but cannot guarantee it. I thought you might be able to give me a clue about this? It is almost 1000.00 for a two year course? Payments allowed...so. I respect and admire you alot, and as always Alvin, appreciate your time and help!! Cheers! Susan
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You are doing quite well. I will tell you how I make money writing if you write me at AlvinTEthington@aol.com; I don't like to discuss it on Internet sites, but rather in personal correspondence. Don't spend any money until we exchange some personal correspondence.
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Hi again! Ok, will do. I am interested in doing more. I am feeling ill this night...and am going to answer a few of these messages, and I will email you tomorrow if that is ok? Be well Alvin...Susan
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Yes, that's fine. I hope you feel better.
Comment from adewpearl
dead in the pasture, it's eyes open - drop the apostrophe
to halfway up it's trunk - drop the apostrophe
it's = contraction for it is
Oh, when those cockroaches all fall from the tree to consume this boy's dog, that really does cap off all the horrific descriptions you've included up to that point. What a cautionary tale this is about what people are doing to our Earth and what could be the eventual outcome - sentence after grim sentence this story tells the tragic tale. Brooke
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2010
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dead in the pasture, it's eyes open - drop the apostrophe
to halfway up it's trunk - drop the apostrophe
it's = contraction for it is
Oh, when those cockroaches all fall from the tree to consume this boy's dog, that really does cap off all the horrific descriptions you've included up to that point. What a cautionary tale this is about what people are doing to our Earth and what could be the eventual outcome - sentence after grim sentence this story tells the tragic tale. Brooke
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2010
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Hi Brooke, thank you SO much for this help, and kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you! I sure hope people do not keep wasting water, I for one, go ballistic if my family lets the tape run unnecessarily...or the garden hose? But thank you for reading this for me...and I will correct those pesky apostrophes...Happy writing Brooke!!! Susan
Comment from fictionwriter
Yuck, what a way to go, eaten by bugs. Reminds me of the Mummy movies with those black bugs that swarmed and just left the bones behind. Great job.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2010
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Yuck, what a way to go, eaten by bugs. Reminds me of the Mummy movies with those black bugs that swarmed and just left the bones behind. Great job.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2010
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Hi there, thanks for a really good review Fiction! I didn't think of those scrab beetles, but you are SO right! That is how this would be!! :) I am glad you were repulsed, so to speak, thank you again for taking time for me!!! Susan
