Thy Grace
A Crown of Sonnets78 total reviews
Comment from fionageorge
Al, this is truly a stunning crown of sonnets, well constructed, and it definitely stands on its own. I read this twice, it was so beautifully written, that I wanted to enjoy the whole piece a second time. I wanted to pick a stanza or line which stood out, but was unable to do so, as each crown of the sonnet was beautiful and powerful in its own right. The best part of this is the understanding, that no matter what religion, the underlying faith is the same.
Congratulations on a beautiful entry to this contest, and good luck (although I don't think you need luck, you have a masterpiece here).
Warmest regards my friend
Marijke
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Al, this is truly a stunning crown of sonnets, well constructed, and it definitely stands on its own. I read this twice, it was so beautifully written, that I wanted to enjoy the whole piece a second time. I wanted to pick a stanza or line which stood out, but was unable to do so, as each crown of the sonnet was beautiful and powerful in its own right. The best part of this is the understanding, that no matter what religion, the underlying faith is the same.
Congratulations on a beautiful entry to this contest, and good luck (although I don't think you need luck, you have a masterpiece here).
Warmest regards my friend
Marijke
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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I am so glad you understood the underlying message of ecumenism; that was important to me. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from BethShelby
I really enjoyed reading this beautiful poem you have crafted. You have done a marvelous job with this crown of heroic sonnet. This was a tremendous undertaking and three months of work on it paid off well. God's work with humanity is clearly displayed.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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I really enjoyed reading this beautiful poem you have crafted. You have done a marvelous job with this crown of heroic sonnet. This was a tremendous undertaking and three months of work on it paid off well. God's work with humanity is clearly displayed.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Thank you for such a kind and generous review. Your last sentence means the world to me.
Comment from Kaladore
Excellent job. If I had a 6 star to give, I would give it to this easily, but alas I don't. Very thorough work and you transition smoothly from yourself to your relationship with God, to the Christ. Amazing poem.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Excellent job. If I had a 6 star to give, I would give it to this easily, but alas I don't. Very thorough work and you transition smoothly from yourself to your relationship with God, to the Christ. Amazing poem.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Thanks for understanding the progression of the poem.
It's actually very easy to change the review or rating of a work at any time. I do it often on Sunday when I receive my allotment of two six stars reviews. Of course, each time I do that, I lose a six star rating for the week beginning on said Sunday.
Go to My Menu in the upper left hand corner of the screen. Scroll down to My Feedback and from the drop-down menu, select Reviews I Wrote. All the reviews you have written will come up, and you scroll down to the one you want to change. Click on Edit Review in the lower RIGHT hand screen of the review; you then can change the wording of the review or the rating.
Of course, I am not asking you to revise the review or the rating; I am just explaining how it can be done after the factâ??it's helped me correct many a mistake.
Thanks also for saying this poem was amazing.
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Wow, quite the accomplishment. I think anyone who can even write one of these with fairly solid meter deserves a six. You went the extra mile and threw in the old world tone, which is even harder to maintain. I love the theme of this crown, very well done. Couple of thoughts for you.
Although He died for paupers and peons.(peons seems a bit out of place with the rest of the language, not sure you can do anything with that but thought I'd mention it.)
Reviled, no one knew He was God unveiled-- (this line is out of meter Reviled, none knew He was our God unveiled)
No longer were most people so aloof. (wonder if you could replace so with found or something. So to me is such a filler word.)
Very lovely, my friend, very lovely.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Wow, quite the accomplishment. I think anyone who can even write one of these with fairly solid meter deserves a six. You went the extra mile and threw in the old world tone, which is even harder to maintain. I love the theme of this crown, very well done. Couple of thoughts for you.
Although He died for paupers and peons.(peons seems a bit out of place with the rest of the language, not sure you can do anything with that but thought I'd mention it.)
Reviled, no one knew He was God unveiled-- (this line is out of meter Reviled, none knew He was our God unveiled)
No longer were most people so aloof. (wonder if you could replace so with found or something. So to me is such a filler word.)
Very lovely, my friend, very lovely.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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I don't quite like doing this, but I responded in a PM to your concerns, so I think the best way to approach this is to repeat what I said there. I am extremely grateful for your review. However, since the question of peon came up more than once--since I grew up and live in the Southwest, it never occurred to me that it would be questionable, so I spent time researching it, here is a copy of what I said in the Private Message:
Since I invited dialogue in the author's notes, here are my responses to your concerns:
peon officially entered the English language in 1609, though it was probably in English oral culture before that due to Mary I's marriage to the King of Spain.
Here is how I scan (with my Southern accent) the line in question;
reVILED, no ONE knew HE was GOD unVEILED--that scans as iambic pentameter to me. (I don't want to limit God with the pronoun our.)
I have found that anytime one writes iambic pentameter in the traditional form, both quite and so are used as what you term "filler" words to achieve iambic pentameter; I think all sonnets have used this technique from Donne on.
Essentially I have tried to keep this work to English vocabulary, syntax, and grammar before the end of the reign of Queen Anne, so I have used no words that entered the English language before then.
Again, these comments are only for the dialogue that I invited.
Thank you for an exceptional review and calling the poem lovely. I greatly appreciate both.
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Of course, I mean I used no words that entered the English language AFTER the rend of the reign of Queen Anne.
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And I meant end, not rend
Comment from curious novice
What a rich, intimate and genuine exploration of grace. I applaud your monumental effort, Alvin. There is much here to lift the spirit and move the heart. I was particularly struck by your exculpation of the wicked, as well as your compassion for the disenfranchised. I admire how you recognized that both groups were not your responsibility, but rather belonged to Grace, as does every body, faith, creed or clan. Doing so thereby released you to your own 'unbent' walk in the spirit.
There are several truly exquisite and beautiful lines scattered throughout the work. A few of my favorites are these:
'My mother's body, Thou, and I were three.';
'Thy presence promised I was not alone. ';
'Assuring me of my own soul's self-worth';
'From Thee, we shall not once be cast apart.';
'Her Son possessed the Lord's Messiahship,' (love that word);
and of course, 'Thy grace has been a constant source of Love.'
The ecumenical embrace of other religions in sonnet #5 is stirring and deeply commendable. I enjoyed the glorious flourish of the final sonnet as well.
Only two words in the entire series tripped over my tongue a little: v.1,l.12 'heard'(?) with fire (the birth suggests 'his invocations' were more than heard, but answered); and v.4,l.12 peons (sounded colloquial to me relative to the tone of the poem).
Overall a worthy and laudable series of sonnets. Well done. Andy
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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What a rich, intimate and genuine exploration of grace. I applaud your monumental effort, Alvin. There is much here to lift the spirit and move the heart. I was particularly struck by your exculpation of the wicked, as well as your compassion for the disenfranchised. I admire how you recognized that both groups were not your responsibility, but rather belonged to Grace, as does every body, faith, creed or clan. Doing so thereby released you to your own 'unbent' walk in the spirit.
There are several truly exquisite and beautiful lines scattered throughout the work. A few of my favorites are these:
'My mother's body, Thou, and I were three.';
'Thy presence promised I was not alone. ';
'Assuring me of my own soul's self-worth';
'From Thee, we shall not once be cast apart.';
'Her Son possessed the Lord's Messiahship,' (love that word);
and of course, 'Thy grace has been a constant source of Love.'
The ecumenical embrace of other religions in sonnet #5 is stirring and deeply commendable. I enjoyed the glorious flourish of the final sonnet as well.
Only two words in the entire series tripped over my tongue a little: v.1,l.12 'heard'(?) with fire (the birth suggests 'his invocations' were more than heard, but answered); and v.4,l.12 peons (sounded colloquial to me relative to the tone of the poem).
Overall a worthy and laudable series of sonnets. Well done. Andy
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Both times you tripped over your tongue has to do, in my opinion, with influences from other languages. peon was introduced officially into English in the early seventeenth century; though it was probably in oral culture before that due to Mary I's marriage to the King of Spain. In terms of heard rather than answered, that is a Hebraism. Hebrew has aspects, rather than tenses, and the translators of the AV (early 17th century) tried to reflect that. Heard is much closer to answered in the original Hebrew. I tried to make sure in the work that no word was used after entering the English language at the end of the reign of Queen Anne. This information is for the clarification I invited in the author's notes to this work. I hope that helps. Thank you for noticing certain turns of phrases and particularly the ecumenical flavor of the work--the latter was very important to me. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from patmedium
Alvin... This is a stunning, monumental work. No, I did NOT 'scan' it. I have taken quite some time to read and think about each part of the whole. May I offer my humble congratulations, please?
Pat.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Alvin... This is a stunning, monumental work. No, I did NOT 'scan' it. I have taken quite some time to read and think about each part of the whole. May I offer my humble congratulations, please?
Pat.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Yes, and I thank you for them immensely.
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This one was a pleasure to enter into and dissect mentally. Pat (Food for thought, as they say)
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Thank you.
Comment from BJean
Hi Al, if this took you three months, it would of taken me a year! It is wonderful and so deserving of the six that I dont' have. It is so thorough and flows in the style chosen and a truly magnificent sonnet. God is so good! Excellent poem. Love, Jean I wanted to come back and give you the six you deserve on this one. Have a great day. Keam
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Hi Al, if this took you three months, it would of taken me a year! It is wonderful and so deserving of the six that I dont' have. It is so thorough and flows in the style chosen and a truly magnificent sonnet. God is so good! Excellent poem. Love, Jean I wanted to come back and give you the six you deserve on this one. Have a great day. Keam
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Well, obviously you have read my poem Thy Grace! I think you summed up the message of the poem well in God is so good!
Comment from wierdgrace
I can see how this could take a long time to write, it is very intense, and emotions from the soul are here, well I feel it any way, and too know the meaning and knowledge of all is hard as well, it is excellent, out of six, but you would get it if I had one. I will look for you in the voting booth
Whated you to know I do want you to have a six, got one now so here it is
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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I can see how this could take a long time to write, it is very intense, and emotions from the soul are here, well I feel it any way, and too know the meaning and knowledge of all is hard as well, it is excellent, out of six, but you would get it if I had one. I will look for you in the voting booth
Whated you to know I do want you to have a six, got one now so here it is
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Thanks for such a kind review.
It's actually very easy to change the review or rating of a work at any time. I do it often on Sunday when I receive my allotment of two six stars reviews. Of course, each time I do that, I lose a six star rating for the week beginning on said Sunday.
Go to My Menu in the upper left hand corner of the screen. Scroll down to My Feedback and from the drop-down menu, select Reviews I Wrote. All the reviews you have written will come up, and you scroll down to the one you want to change. Click on Edit Review in the lower RIGHT hand screen of the review; you then can change the wording of the review or the rating.
Of course, I am not asking you to revise the review or the rating; I am just explaining how it can be done after the factâ??it's helped me correct many a mistake.
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great thank you, when I get them back agian I well do so
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Thank you.
Comment from Mrs Jones
Bravo! A challenge more than well met. Absolutely beautiful. My eyes are blurred. I only have a five, but what does it matter when no stars would be enough, nor words to say how proud my poet's heart is of you.
Cheers
Rose
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Bravo! A challenge more than well met. Absolutely beautiful. My eyes are blurred. I only have a five, but what does it matter when no stars would be enough, nor words to say how proud my poet's heart is of you.
Cheers
Rose
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Thanks for a great review; your words mean more than stars ever will. It makes me feel good to know you are proud of me.
Comment from words
Very well done!
Your subject is indeed worthy of a crown of heroic sonnets.
Bravo!
Also loved your author's notes! I thoroughly enjoyed reading them.
I especially liked:
Although we have all taken diverse paths
Thy love will always calm my troubled heart
I know we shall not once endure Thy wrath;
From Thee, we shall not once be cast apart.
Thou carest for the sparrow in the dust;
Thou lovest base souls treated with disgust.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Very well done!
Your subject is indeed worthy of a crown of heroic sonnets.
Bravo!
Also loved your author's notes! I thoroughly enjoyed reading them.
I especially liked:
Although we have all taken diverse paths
Thy love will always calm my troubled heart
I know we shall not once endure Thy wrath;
From Thee, we shall not once be cast apart.
Thou carest for the sparrow in the dust;
Thou lovest base souls treated with disgust.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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I must have re-written that whole passage five times (I know I re-wrote the couplet at least three.) I am so glad the final product came out well. Thanks for a good review.
