Thy Grace
A Crown of Sonnets78 total reviews
Comment from Mary's angel
Simply awesome! You captured an immeasurable space of time in a few lines. Very well done and very well described! The faith is strong and shows how others also carry a faith in our God. I truly enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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Simply awesome! You captured an immeasurable space of time in a few lines. Very well done and very well described! The faith is strong and shows how others also carry a faith in our God. I truly enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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Thanks for a wonderful review. How did you find this work, by the way?
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Hi alvin, You are welcome! I found it by searching through FS for different poetry in the spiritual realm. Very well penned!
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Thank you again. You also might enjoy my Tanka of Tanka, based on the Biblical Book of Canticles/Song of Songs/ Song of Solomon.
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thanks I may just look into that. Mary
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You're welcome.
Comment from jnscoinc2
As a member of the older generation, I consider myself a "rank amateur" when it comes to poetry. I have been writing only about two years, starting at the tender age of 84....your Sonnet is way beyond me although I will say that I admire your courage and your ability to put into words a lot about your Christian Belief....your words about your Mother's pain to deliever you into the world tells me a lot about you that you didn't put into words.
Bravo!!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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As a member of the older generation, I consider myself a "rank amateur" when it comes to poetry. I have been writing only about two years, starting at the tender age of 84....your Sonnet is way beyond me although I will say that I admire your courage and your ability to put into words a lot about your Christian Belief....your words about your Mother's pain to deliever you into the world tells me a lot about you that you didn't put into words.
Bravo!!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Thanks. There's a lot to the structure of the inclusio (the beginning and end of the sonnet sequence) referring to mothers. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Judian James
How did I miss this one Alvin? Not that my vote seemed to matter for you and congratulations on the win. This is quite the undertaking and it paid off for you. Your author's notes are also quite splendid. I'm very pleased. Well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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How did I miss this one Alvin? Not that my vote seemed to matter for you and congratulations on the win. This is quite the undertaking and it paid off for you. Your author's notes are also quite splendid. I'm very pleased. Well done, my friend.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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Thanks for a great review. This took me three months to write!
Comment from Janilou
What an incredible, and beautiful work this is. You should be exceptionally proud of yourself for creating this masterpiece.
No doubt as to how to rate this.
Fabulous.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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What an incredible, and beautiful work this is. You should be exceptionally proud of yourself for creating this masterpiece.
No doubt as to how to rate this.
Fabulous.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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Thanks for the exceptional rating. I am highly honored. Where have you been? (This took me three months to write.)
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Working, working, working. I still owe over $100,000 to the bank to pay back the huge financial hole the goat-milking business left us in. I average around 100 hours a week between my two jobs. I miss FanStory. I miss writing and I miss talking to you! Maybe I will win the Powerball one day and be able to find the time to write again.
Hope you are doing well.
Hugs,
Jan
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I miss you, too. a lot.
Comment from joelh605
Alvin, your iambics and polished flow show tremendous effort and achievement. Bravo!
The language appears centered in the Protestant bible of King James; since you handle it virtually without flaw, I salute the choice.
Any time a reader takes a careful walk through a long work such as this there will be puzzles, so consider the notes, below, as arising from my own poor understanding.
And while there are (small) critiques, your three months' struggle merit the sixth star - not for the time, but for the result.
Joel
=-=-=
I
_1 Thy grace has been a constant source of love;
_2 When I was in the womb Thou knew'st me.
To reach ten, "knew'st" has to be two syllables, hence "knewest"
12 His invocations had been heard with fire.
13 For Thou didst set my parents' faith aflame.
Line 12 missed me, but line 13 suggests one meaning, i.e. that 12 refers to the Holy Spirit, as the spark setting the flame in line 13?
II
17 My horrid childhood Thou and I survived;
18 When I attained majority I thrived.
Good closing couplet - but [grin] isn't it a bit over the top to allege that The Almighty's survival was ever in question?
IV
_1 An heir would cure the blind, the deaf, and dumb,
_2 Descended from adulterers and whores;
This is something few people consider, and it's a powerful commentary on God's complete command of human nature, sin, and our own imperfections. I salute you for bring this forward.
12 Although He died for paupers and peons.
Sort of squashes the pronunciation of peons - unless you want us to read this one word in Spanish ;-)
18 By His complete love I was quite surprised.
"By His complete love I was quite surprised" is the way this hits my ear; reading the line as straight iambics forces "love" to be unstressed. And it's a repeated line, as well.
VI
2 Their psyches were left to disintegrate;
Regular delivery of this line as prose would tend to stress "left" and leave "to" distinctly unstressed, while the iambics require the reader to softpedal "left" and exert at least some stress on "to". Deliverable, but awkward.
_8 Yet they lived like nobility--like earls.
[small grin] Good rhyme, but, for one, it wasn't just the rich that cast out the souls you refer to, and if the rich were all earls... yet how else could the merely rich live like earls? I hope your sense of humor is standing at full height, because I'm not trying to denigrate your work - it's awesome. Just now and then it falls short of perfect.
Bravo, Alvin; this is superlative.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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Alvin, your iambics and polished flow show tremendous effort and achievement. Bravo!
The language appears centered in the Protestant bible of King James; since you handle it virtually without flaw, I salute the choice.
Any time a reader takes a careful walk through a long work such as this there will be puzzles, so consider the notes, below, as arising from my own poor understanding.
And while there are (small) critiques, your three months' struggle merit the sixth star - not for the time, but for the result.
Joel
=-=-=
I
_1 Thy grace has been a constant source of love;
_2 When I was in the womb Thou knew'st me.
To reach ten, "knew'st" has to be two syllables, hence "knewest"
12 His invocations had been heard with fire.
13 For Thou didst set my parents' faith aflame.
Line 12 missed me, but line 13 suggests one meaning, i.e. that 12 refers to the Holy Spirit, as the spark setting the flame in line 13?
II
17 My horrid childhood Thou and I survived;
18 When I attained majority I thrived.
Good closing couplet - but [grin] isn't it a bit over the top to allege that The Almighty's survival was ever in question?
IV
_1 An heir would cure the blind, the deaf, and dumb,
_2 Descended from adulterers and whores;
This is something few people consider, and it's a powerful commentary on God's complete command of human nature, sin, and our own imperfections. I salute you for bring this forward.
12 Although He died for paupers and peons.
Sort of squashes the pronunciation of peons - unless you want us to read this one word in Spanish ;-)
18 By His complete love I was quite surprised.
"By His complete love I was quite surprised" is the way this hits my ear; reading the line as straight iambics forces "love" to be unstressed. And it's a repeated line, as well.
VI
2 Their psyches were left to disintegrate;
Regular delivery of this line as prose would tend to stress "left" and leave "to" distinctly unstressed, while the iambics require the reader to softpedal "left" and exert at least some stress on "to". Deliverable, but awkward.
_8 Yet they lived like nobility--like earls.
[small grin] Good rhyme, but, for one, it wasn't just the rich that cast out the souls you refer to, and if the rich were all earls... yet how else could the merely rich live like earls? I hope your sense of humor is standing at full height, because I'm not trying to denigrate your work - it's awesome. Just now and then it falls short of perfect.
Bravo, Alvin; this is superlative.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from amada
Alvin, ths is a magnificent work. My jaw dropped several times in the course of reading this work. Very insightful story of a life and its connection to the Almighty. It deserves a six that I don't have. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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Alvin, ths is a magnificent work. My jaw dropped several times in the course of reading this work. Very insightful story of a life and its connection to the Almighty. It deserves a six that I don't have. Best wishes.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010
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It's actually very easy to change the review or rating of a work at any time. I do it often on Sunday when I receive my allotment of four six stars reviews. Of course, each time I do that, I lose a six star rating for the week beginning on said Sunday.
Go to My Menu in the upper left hand corner of the screen. Scroll down to My Feedback and from the drop-down menu, select Reviews I Wrote. All the reviews you have written will come up, and you scroll down to the one you want to change. Click on Edit Review in the lower RIGHT hand screen of the review; you then can change the wording of the review or the rating.
Of course, I am not asking you to revise the review or the rating; I am just explaining how it can be done after the fact. It's helped me correct many a mistake.
Thanks again for a wonderful review.
Comment from Just2Write
This work is so worthy of a six, Alvin. Six for technical merit, 6 for complying to the strict requirements of the Crown of Sonnets, Six for the work and determination that a write of this calibre takes. Six for the content of that story. Extremely well written, and such a compelling read. Best of luck in the contest - Your entry will be hard to beat. But, I am going to give it a shot anyway. Rose.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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This work is so worthy of a six, Alvin. Six for technical merit, 6 for complying to the strict requirements of the Crown of Sonnets, Six for the work and determination that a write of this calibre takes. Six for the content of that story. Extremely well written, and such a compelling read. Best of luck in the contest - Your entry will be hard to beat. But, I am going to give it a shot anyway. Rose.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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I think it will be well worth the time to read all the entries, though I probably will have to reserve an entire day. Thank you for the exceptional review and rating.
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Now that I have finished mine, I am working my way through one at a time. I want to be well familiar with each of the poems before the voting booths open. Anyone who entered the contest and completed the task is already a winner in my books. Rose.
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I quite agree. It wasn't an easy task.
Comment from joan marie
I saw a lot of you in this. A reflection of your life which transitioned well into the more religious aspect. Though still a part of you remained in each sonnet. You talk of the Unmentionables and Daoist. You have reached into the obscure and brought it out for us to understand. This heroic epic certainly mirrors you love of God and man. joan marie
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2010
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I saw a lot of you in this. A reflection of your life which transitioned well into the more religious aspect. Though still a part of you remained in each sonnet. You talk of the Unmentionables and Daoist. You have reached into the obscure and brought it out for us to understand. This heroic epic certainly mirrors you love of God and man. joan marie
Comment Written 26-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2010
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Thanks for such a good review and the exceptional review and rating of the six stars; I truly appreciate it.
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It truly deserved it. jm
Comment from EllieKaye
Alvin,
Have I just read the best you have ever posted on Fanstory? My goodness... I am without words. I do not think I am able -- or know how even, to review such a poetic piece of art, but it moved me, impressed me. I will just say this: WOw!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2010
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Alvin,
Have I just read the best you have ever posted on Fanstory? My goodness... I am without words. I do not think I am able -- or know how even, to review such a poetic piece of art, but it moved me, impressed me. I will just say this: WOw!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2010
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Thank you for an exceptional rating review. I rather like this work, as well. To know I have moved you means a lot to me.
Comment from sgalletti
Hello Al! I have received six stars for a number of people today and thought I would receive them for your writing as well. No such luck! I don't know why. At any rate, when I do, I will re-rate and upgrade my review to a six, as this is definitely what this piece deserves.
You have written a series of seven sonnets impeccabl;y. The iambic and rhyme are perfect, as I would expect from a master writer like you.
I was most captivated by the story. As required, you addressed your entire set of sonnets to one entity-- God. What is mosst powerful about this piece is its honesty, courage and integrity. I read this as a powerful story of your life and how God has impacted it so positively.
I would never question your authority and knowledge about the content. In fact, I appreciate that you did not spend a lot of time referencing everything in the Author's Notes.
I, too, took months to write my own piece for this contest. I took this challenge very seriously. So, I relate and have empathy for the time it took to write this piece. On the other hand, it was very fulfilling--No?
You will get your deserving six as soon as I can obtain it!
Sue
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2010
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Hello Al! I have received six stars for a number of people today and thought I would receive them for your writing as well. No such luck! I don't know why. At any rate, when I do, I will re-rate and upgrade my review to a six, as this is definitely what this piece deserves.
You have written a series of seven sonnets impeccabl;y. The iambic and rhyme are perfect, as I would expect from a master writer like you.
I was most captivated by the story. As required, you addressed your entire set of sonnets to one entity-- God. What is mosst powerful about this piece is its honesty, courage and integrity. I read this as a powerful story of your life and how God has impacted it so positively.
I would never question your authority and knowledge about the content. In fact, I appreciate that you did not spend a lot of time referencing everything in the Author's Notes.
I, too, took months to write my own piece for this contest. I took this challenge very seriously. So, I relate and have empathy for the time it took to write this piece. On the other hand, it was very fulfilling--No?
You will get your deserving six as soon as I can obtain it!
Sue
Comment Written 24-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2010
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Yes, writing this poem for me was very fulfilling and very devotional. I wrote you a PM about this, but we now have four six star reviews every week. That may help you change the rating; ask Tom. Thanks for a superb review.
