Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Down We Go."A woman is stalked by a fan
16 total reviews
Comment from ZigzagMLT
Well done! I love the whole dog-goes-after-bad-guy work. Boy did you deliver on the action.
And things are going to heat up for our brave heroes who did not keep the police in the loop.
Thanks!
Zigzagmlt
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2010
  |
Well done! I love the whole dog-goes-after-bad-guy work. Boy did you deliver on the action.
And things are going to heat up for our brave heroes who did not keep the police in the loop.
Thanks!
Zigzagmlt
Comment Written 24-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2010
-
Yes, this is just going to get hotter and hotter. Thanks for the great comments and your iput.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Trybuck
A lot of action in this chapter and gives more understanding to the next one. I'm glad I took you up on your offer to read this one.
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
|
A lot of action in this chapter and gives more understanding to the next one. I'm glad I took you up on your offer to read this one.
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
-
Hey Buck,
You know how it is with mysteries. So glad you went back! This is the sixth in the Sessions & Browning series. I used to write YA horse stories then moved on a couple of years ago.
So glad you enjoyed!
Gayle
Comment from joelh605
Norman closed his eyes and left.
Just how much fun can one writer have? - The paragraph explaining precisely why Norman boogied had clacking author teeth and author drool ROTFL allllll OVER it! ;-)
And the Kip / Tony drama is priceless.
Then to bring the whole drama crashing back to earth, and wind up with Sandy's plainly hurt feelings... this kind of pacing is professional, high caliber. The system didn't let me give you another sixer, or I would have.
Joel
=-=-=
Once more she snarled, snapping in Norman's direction
"Norman" has left the building - which you plainly reinforce not long after.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
|
Norman closed his eyes and left.
Just how much fun can one writer have? - The paragraph explaining precisely why Norman boogied had clacking author teeth and author drool ROTFL allllll OVER it! ;-)
And the Kip / Tony drama is priceless.
Then to bring the whole drama crashing back to earth, and wind up with Sandy's plainly hurt feelings... this kind of pacing is professional, high caliber. The system didn't let me give you another sixer, or I would have.
Joel
=-=-=
Once more she snarled, snapping in Norman's direction
"Norman" has left the building - which you plainly reinforce not long after.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
-
ROFLMAO! Yes, it was exactly like that. I just love to write the scenes for the dogs best. Isn't that little Kip a minx? She's about to go up against UberTony? Hmmm, that might have been interesting.
Thank you so much for the great comments and review. I'll take the virtual sixer with a big grin and a thankyou!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is an exceptional chapter, and it's lucky for Nathan that Jim thought of DID. But we also have a pissed off detective. You'll need another chapter to straighten things out.
I enjoyed this read and have a couple of minute suggestions:
"She placed one arm in his, her other hand stroking the [Kip's] sleek black head..." I think my change would make things a bit clearer.
"The revolving lights warned of the arrival of the sheriff;..." I'd write, "The revolving lights warned of the sheriff's arrival;..."
Dave
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
 |
Gayle,
This is an exceptional chapter, and it's lucky for Nathan that Jim thought of DID. But we also have a pissed off detective. You'll need another chapter to straighten things out.
I enjoyed this read and have a couple of minute suggestions:
"She placed one arm in his, her other hand stroking the [Kip's] sleek black head..." I think my change would make things a bit clearer.
"The revolving lights warned of the arrival of the sheriff;..." I'd write, "The revolving lights warned of the sheriff's arrival;..."
Dave
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
-
Oh, my, Dave, a sixer! Wow, thank you so much for that. I swear, I loved writing this one but the characters all wanted a piece...of Norman! I mean, really, can you imagine the angst running around that little acre of heaven? LOL, you're the best and yes, I like your way of saying that better. Will do!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is very good. I am glad Cathy is safe. I want to caution you on your POV switches. We even have Kip's POV a few times. I like the way you rescued Cathy.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
|
This is very good. I am glad Cathy is safe. I want to caution you on your POV switches. We even have Kip's POV a few times. I like the way you rescued Cathy.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
-
ROFL! Barbara, I try so hard to separate the paragraphs well enough on here that the breaks are clear, but sometimes it's hard.
Yes, doggie pov! But really, how else would I do it? I think this is like author intrusion or something.
Yes, I will try and do that. There for a moment, my characters wanted Tony to have a 'sit down and shut up' dialogue with Kip and I thought, not.
Thanks so much for the great review
Gayle
Comment from FredCollingwood
This is exciting writing. My heart began racing when the doberman came on the scene. Comments:
She came close enough several times to ruffle his (wiskers) and he was not amused. > whiskers?
Risky behavior including hanging with junkies, dirty works, unprotected sex and turning tricks landed her in jail on a fairly regular basis. > So? Nobody's perfect.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
|
This is exciting writing. My heart began racing when the doberman came on the scene. Comments:
She came close enough several times to ruffle his (wiskers) and he was not amused. > whiskers?
Risky behavior including hanging with junkies, dirty works, unprotected sex and turning tricks landed her in jail on a fairly regular basis. > So? Nobody's perfect.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
-
Hey Fred,
Oh, no, I forgot the 'h'. I'll get in there and fix. Thanks for the eagle eye and for the great comments.
Thank you so much,
Gayle
Comment from shelley kaye
I LOVE KIP! she's sooo cool! :)
loved this sentence too.... "Norman closed his eyes and left." <-- great sentence for the transition! perfect to be by itself too!
great rest of the chapter! we going to see any more personalities from nathan? with MPD they usually have at least three or four and maybe more :)
there was one part that was a little confusing....
[....when eighty pounds of Doberman hit him square in the back, doubling him over....Norman lay on his back....]
now if he as 'hit square in the back causing him to double over' how could he land ON his back? just a little confusing there :-P
didn't notice any spaggies or typos though :)
thanx for shairng!
shelley :)
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
|
I LOVE KIP! she's sooo cool! :)
loved this sentence too.... "Norman closed his eyes and left." <-- great sentence for the transition! perfect to be by itself too!
great rest of the chapter! we going to see any more personalities from nathan? with MPD they usually have at least three or four and maybe more :)
there was one part that was a little confusing....
[....when eighty pounds of Doberman hit him square in the back, doubling him over....Norman lay on his back....]
now if he as 'hit square in the back causing him to double over' how could he land ON his back? just a little confusing there :-P
didn't notice any spaggies or typos though :)
thanx for shairng!
shelley :)
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
-
Hey Shelley,
So glad you liked that one. Tony hit him in the back and Norman landed on his back. Let me try to tweak that a little to make it clearer.
Didn't you love Kip and Tony? LOL!
How are you? We're soggy, to say the least. Keep in touch, little one.
Gayle
Comment from fictionwriter
Wow, now all that action really made up for the set up in the beginning of the chapter. What a wonderfully tension packed ride. Great job.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
|
Wow, now all that action really made up for the set up in the beginning of the chapter. What a wonderfully tension packed ride. Great job.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
-
Like a roller coaster, right? And yet, you just have to be able to catch your breath!
Thanks for the great review and comments.
Gayle
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this chapter very much. Overall, I feel you did a great job with it. I am familiar with disassociative disorder or MPD. Your explanation is very good but a bit over simplified. It takes a whole lot more than meds to deal with. I may have just forgotten, but Norman appeared to only present with two personalities. Generally speaking it is far more common to have at least three. The complications of DID make it a little hard to believe that Norman could have gone on so long without someone noticing his strange behavior (especially Norman himself). Blacking out and waking up in strange places has a unnerving effect on someone. You do a great job showing the fear, confusion and frustration Norman feels when this happens. But since his two personalities are so extreme it seems unlikely that someone would not have noticed it. Having him be a person who keeps to himself, has a job that does not require contact on a regular basis with the same people does help to explain this. A person with DID is usually a person with a calm quiet personality and often subservient, very low self-esteem, and just as often a failure at anything they try. Under severe stress, they transform into a second personality. More often than not the second personality is mild, frightened, weak, and easily manipulated too. The third will occasionally be stronger and exhibit the survival traits first two lack. It is true that in general each personality is not aware of the others. Very few are violent and closet murderers or kidnappers. It is important to understand a patient with this disorder doesn't just take mediation and live happily every after. It is a lifelong conflict that requires constant monitoring, intense therapy by a qualified professional,and sadly, numerous hospitalizations over many years. DID can be used as a defense in some states but overall the general public is hesitant to feel pity for someone with this disorder. DID is quite rare, obviously controversial, but it does make for great subject matter in mysteries. Other than that I think you did a great job with this chapter. I guess I babbling. The only suggestion I have to make is to either clarify or take out the reference to taking meds as the solution to DID/MPD. It is really not necessary to show Norman with three, four, or five personalities as the one you show is quite vivid and well presented.
One last comment. I definitely understand your concern over the police not being happy with Rudy and his friends perusing the case on their own and not calling when they learned where Cathy was. But technically there is no law that states a private citizen cannot rescue someone. Nor are they required to call the police. Of course, it is a good idea to do so since private citizens could say or do something that might destroy evidence, etc. But in this story Rudy is clearly qualified, knowledgeable about the law and knows what he is doing. Again, just a comment.
I hope you are planning a follow up telling the reader how Cathy and Rudy are doing and what happens to Norman.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
|
I enjoyed this chapter very much. Overall, I feel you did a great job with it. I am familiar with disassociative disorder or MPD. Your explanation is very good but a bit over simplified. It takes a whole lot more than meds to deal with. I may have just forgotten, but Norman appeared to only present with two personalities. Generally speaking it is far more common to have at least three. The complications of DID make it a little hard to believe that Norman could have gone on so long without someone noticing his strange behavior (especially Norman himself). Blacking out and waking up in strange places has a unnerving effect on someone. You do a great job showing the fear, confusion and frustration Norman feels when this happens. But since his two personalities are so extreme it seems unlikely that someone would not have noticed it. Having him be a person who keeps to himself, has a job that does not require contact on a regular basis with the same people does help to explain this. A person with DID is usually a person with a calm quiet personality and often subservient, very low self-esteem, and just as often a failure at anything they try. Under severe stress, they transform into a second personality. More often than not the second personality is mild, frightened, weak, and easily manipulated too. The third will occasionally be stronger and exhibit the survival traits first two lack. It is true that in general each personality is not aware of the others. Very few are violent and closet murderers or kidnappers. It is important to understand a patient with this disorder doesn't just take mediation and live happily every after. It is a lifelong conflict that requires constant monitoring, intense therapy by a qualified professional,and sadly, numerous hospitalizations over many years. DID can be used as a defense in some states but overall the general public is hesitant to feel pity for someone with this disorder. DID is quite rare, obviously controversial, but it does make for great subject matter in mysteries. Other than that I think you did a great job with this chapter. I guess I babbling. The only suggestion I have to make is to either clarify or take out the reference to taking meds as the solution to DID/MPD. It is really not necessary to show Norman with three, four, or five personalities as the one you show is quite vivid and well presented.
One last comment. I definitely understand your concern over the police not being happy with Rudy and his friends perusing the case on their own and not calling when they learned where Cathy was. But technically there is no law that states a private citizen cannot rescue someone. Nor are they required to call the police. Of course, it is a good idea to do so since private citizens could say or do something that might destroy evidence, etc. But in this story Rudy is clearly qualified, knowledgeable about the law and knows what he is doing. Again, just a comment.
I hope you are planning a follow up telling the reader how Cathy and Rudy are doing and what happens to Norman.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
-
Hi Sasha,
Oh, we're only about half way through the book, so there is more to come.
Okay, we haven't seen 'him' but twice or three times, and then only briefly, but there is a third personality, the 'gatekeeper' and that personality cars only about Nathan. He doesn't care what Norman does, per se, except on how it will affect Nathan's life. He will come to play a part a bit later.
You are absolutely correct in everything you said about DID except that it's becoming more prevalent than once thought, at least so says my research. I purposely gave Norman the kind of life he has because you're right. He couldn't go into a 9-5 job, constantly being someone else. The way it goes with him, he's such an isolated person that under normal circumstances, no one can see the difference.
As for the cops, Lenny was an LAPD homocide detective before he joined up with Jim and the dogs. He kinda uses his 'contacts' to get info the normal person couldn't get. It's kind of a sore point with the cops, but you're right, there's no law. It's just that Sandy feels betrayed, left out of the loop. It's her warrant that got them the info as to where Cathy was and they didn't play nice, lol.
My dear, I cannot thank you enough for this excellent review and if I had a damned thumb, you'd have it too!
Hugs,
Gayle
-
I sometimes have a tendency to babble so I'm glad you not upset with my lengthy comments. Yes, DID is a controversial subject and one that is and will continue to be argued about in the years to come. I think you are doing a great job with describing Norman and you explanation makes perfect sense. In DID all the personalities are a form of protection, and some do better jobs than others. I have a tendency to get overly opinionated with it comes to the police so you just need to take it with a grain of salt. After working with both the Feds and the local Seattle Vice for nearly 2-1/2 years I have to remember laws are different in each State and city. You made it very clear that his friend was really just annoyed. I anxiously look forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment from c_lucas
A realistic, believable rescue. This is very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme. You handled the multiple personality correctly.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
|
A realistic, believable rescue. This is very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme. You handled the multiple personality correctly.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
-
Hey Charlie,
Thanks so much for stopping by and for the great review and comments. I'm glad you enjoyed!
Hugs,
Gayle
-
You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
