On Wings of Love
Contest Entry27 total reviews
Comment from Tpa
I liked the story very much. Your opening paragraphs grasped the reader. I felt there should be dialogue with the son (confrontation with the medical records, status of Mike)). The viewpoint was a bit confusing. I assumed it was from the narrative P.O. Then, it read that it moved to Sarah, which I would have enjoyed as well. Good luck!!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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I liked the story very much. Your opening paragraphs grasped the reader. I felt there should be dialogue with the son (confrontation with the medical records, status of Mike)). The viewpoint was a bit confusing. I assumed it was from the narrative P.O. Then, it read that it moved to Sarah, which I would have enjoyed as well. Good luck!!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from RebelRose
Such a touching love story but a sad ending. I hope I am never faced with the decision of turning off life support; there is always that glimmer of hope that they may recover. Miracles do happen. This is a good contest entry. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Such a touching love story but a sad ending. I hope I am never faced with the decision of turning off life support; there is always that glimmer of hope that they may recover. Miracles do happen. This is a good contest entry. Well done.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from samandlancelot
How sad.
in a coma (add comma - independent clauses) but she felt her presence would give him strength
Life was moving from day to day (add comma - independent clauses) and Sarah remained by Ron's side
or more of snow (add comma) and if you aren't experienced
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2010
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How sad.
in a coma (add comma - independent clauses) but she felt her presence would give him strength
Life was moving from day to day (add comma - independent clauses) and Sarah remained by Ron's side
or more of snow (add comma) and if you aren't experienced
Comment Written 02-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2010
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thank you so much for your help with the commas, English was never one of my best subjects.
Comment from Ruthquel
What a tragic and sad story this was. But I love it. You did a great job keeping the reader in suspense. Keep the good work. this story is great.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2010
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What a tragic and sad story this was. But I love it. You did a great job keeping the reader in suspense. Keep the good work. this story is great.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review, very much appreciated.
Comment from adewpearl
He snubbed no one, easy to talk to - WAS easy to talk to
While riding toward home, Doreen asked - add comma
comfortable going further - farther (since discussing measurable, physical distance)
What a tragic story of life cut short and needless suffering, but what a magnificent story of love and loyalty. I'm so sorry this is based on a true story because I really did come to love these people through your descriptions. Brooke
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2010
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He snubbed no one, easy to talk to - WAS easy to talk to
While riding toward home, Doreen asked - add comma
comfortable going further - farther (since discussing measurable, physical distance)
What a tragic story of life cut short and needless suffering, but what a magnificent story of love and loyalty. I'm so sorry this is based on a true story because I really did come to love these people through your descriptions. Brooke
Comment Written 04-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2010
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He was a good man and will be missed greatly. The guy who hit him has pleaded not guilty, his trial starts on the 22nd. It's all so crazy to lose such a beautiful soul. Thanks for the stop by and I'll look at those errors.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A good piece of descriptive
writing, well presented, making
it easy to follow. An enjoyable
read, albeit so sad.
A few little tweaks needed, but only minor...
just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
The trying months had taken a toll.
........................... had taken their toll.
When you are near 50, like we were,
........................ 50, as we were
than either had hoped for. - "for" not necessary..
than either had hoped.
beautiful motorcycle riding weather
beautiful weather for motorcycling
his father, (so) how could he possibly
it seemed like Ron's son didn't
it seemed as if ...
It was like he wanted his father to die
It was just as if he wanted...........
Well penned. Margaret.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
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A good piece of descriptive
writing, well presented, making
it easy to follow. An enjoyable
read, albeit so sad.
A few little tweaks needed, but only minor...
just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
The trying months had taken a toll.
........................... had taken their toll.
When you are near 50, like we were,
........................ 50, as we were
than either had hoped for. - "for" not necessary..
than either had hoped.
beautiful motorcycle riding weather
beautiful weather for motorcycling
his father, (so) how could he possibly
it seemed like Ron's son didn't
it seemed as if ...
It was like he wanted his father to die
It was just as if he wanted...........
Well penned. Margaret.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2010
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I'll take a look at those places, really appreciate your detailed review.
Comment from dmjones
This story made me cry and knowing it's true makes it all that much sadder. Really good job of bringing out the emotions you must have felt when you wrote it. The story flows well and this is a great entry.
One thing:
as the doctor's (doctors)weren't allowed to tell her anything.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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This story made me cry and knowing it's true makes it all that much sadder. Really good job of bringing out the emotions you must have felt when you wrote it. The story flows well and this is a great entry.
One thing:
as the doctor's (doctors)weren't allowed to tell her anything.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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I've gone over this story so many times and not once did I catch that, thanks so much!!!
Comment from unidian
What a sad thing to happen to your cherished friend ... and the now lonely Sarah. Good contest entry. One thing you may want to revise...
'It was early in November when the snow started to fly. Sarah, being from Ireland, wasn't quite use to this.'
First, it should be 'used' not 'use'. Second, Ireland shares similar weather to my home country, Scotland, and I can assure you that the inhabitants of each are well used to snow! Tom
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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What a sad thing to happen to your cherished friend ... and the now lonely Sarah. Good contest entry. One thing you may want to revise...
'It was early in November when the snow started to fly. Sarah, being from Ireland, wasn't quite use to this.'
First, it should be 'used' not 'use'. Second, Ireland shares similar weather to my home country, Scotland, and I can assure you that the inhabitants of each are well used to snow! Tom
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thanks for the great review. I'll take a look at that area. She sure acted like she didn't see it much. She'd take pictures of it and was afraid to drive on it for sure. I've always had problems with that use/used thing. I'll take care of that, thanks for pointing it out.
Comment from mbroyles2
Sometimes true events grip us and wake us from reality.
Sadness abounds everywhere.
This is a very touching story.
To share such love and then have it snatched away is painful.
The existence of angels is the comfort we have to be able to hold on to those we have lost.
Nice imagery.
Good luck in the contest.
Michael
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Sometimes true events grip us and wake us from reality.
Sadness abounds everywhere.
This is a very touching story.
To share such love and then have it snatched away is painful.
The existence of angels is the comfort we have to be able to hold on to those we have lost.
Nice imagery.
Good luck in the contest.
Michael
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thank you very much for the understanding words of review, very much appreciated.
Comment from BJean
What a great story about one being there through the worse, for the one they love. Very sad about the son and his choices. You told this very well and it kept my interest from beginning to end. Good job on story. Love, Jean
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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What a great story about one being there through the worse, for the one they love. Very sad about the son and his choices. You told this very well and it kept my interest from beginning to end. Good job on story. Love, Jean
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thank you, Jean, I truly appreciate your time to read and review.
