Close Encounter
First sentence in book: Within an inch of my life8 total reviews
Comment from Ann Smith
Yes, this leaves me wondering what's going to happen next. I hope she gets out of there, and never comes back, what ever the situation. This is very graphic with a lot of passion, a good hook. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Yes, this leaves me wondering what's going to happen next. I hope she gets out of there, and never comes back, what ever the situation. This is very graphic with a lot of passion, a good hook. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Sorry, I am cutting and pasting responses, doing a huge catch-up. I appreciate all the reviews and thank you for taking the time.
Thanks, I appreciate your warm and generous comments.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from DeepEyes
I can see how this sentence would lead to a good story, but I can pretty much guess what type of story would result from it. Don't get me wrong, good sentence to start a story, but for this contest, I think the sentence should hold a little more mystery.(although no one can really say what would happen after that sentence)-hoping not to contradict myself.Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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I can see how this sentence would lead to a good story, but I can pretty much guess what type of story would result from it. Don't get me wrong, good sentence to start a story, but for this contest, I think the sentence should hold a little more mystery.(although no one can really say what would happen after that sentence)-hoping not to contradict myself.Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your comments. You are right the second time, it could go anywhere. Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from Shirley B
This is a very good beginning to a story. It could go in so many directions. It really got my attention. I wondered 'What did she do?' "Who is he?" The picture was great also. Good luck in the contest, Shirley
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
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This is a very good beginning to a story. It could go in so many directions. It really got my attention. I wondered 'What did she do?' "Who is he?" The picture was great also. Good luck in the contest, Shirley
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
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Thank you Shirley, yes, I do have a story in mind, but as you said, it can go in many directions. Thanks you for your kind review and generous rating. Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment from MyYiaYia
This sounds like he jerked her head back using a handful of hair, rather than he grabbing a hand full of hair and then jerking her head back. Otherwise, it sounds like a violent start to a story.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
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This sounds like he jerked her head back using a handful of hair, rather than he grabbing a hand full of hair and then jerking her head back. Otherwise, it sounds like a violent start to a story.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010
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Thank you My Yia Yia for your comments and observations, I will re-read and see if I can improve, although to date all reviews have been positive about the way this first sentence was written. But I really appreciate your observation, and I take it onboard. Thanks again, and warmest regards, Marijke
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I probably meant to say, maybe a little revision of the sentence to make is say what you mean. Most people get the idea, but the 'way' it is written is wrong when you really look at it. I did not mean to sound negative at all. I can see it will be a great, although violent, story with a start like this. I am sorry if it came out otherwise. Please forgive me. This is what happens when you stay up too late reviewing. LOL
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Hi, please don't appologise, I believe people should say what they feel in their reviews, I appreciate honesty, and as I said, I will revisit, and see if I can improve. Thanks again, and stand by your view, it is yours. No offence taken. Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment from Begin Again
Marijke
He doesn't sound to friendly and I hope he doesn't have bad breathe..LOL
Great job! Nice start to a story.
Smiles to you, CArol
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
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Marijke
He doesn't sound to friendly and I hope he doesn't have bad breathe..LOL
Great job! Nice start to a story.
Smiles to you, CArol
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
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Thank you Carol, so do I! Thanks for review and ratings, I have a story in mind. Warmest regards Marijke
Comment from Joan E.
Wow, that is quite a picture--the epitome of the expression, "if looks could kill" and it leads right into your explosive sentence. We could hear the hissing and feel the overbearing closeness and certainly do wonder what happens next. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
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Wow, that is quite a picture--the epitome of the expression, "if looks could kill" and it leads right into your explosive sentence. We could hear the hissing and feel the overbearing closeness and certainly do wonder what happens next. Well done.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
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Thank you Joan, I appreciate your review. Isn't it great, sometimes the number of words we need to use to review works have to be longer than the works themselves!
I appreciate your comments and best wishes.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from p.smith
Wow! That's quite a sentence. It's a real attention grabber.I suggest a stronger word than Pulled-- maybe yanked or jerked. But it's really fine as is!
Thanks
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
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Wow! That's quite a sentence. It's a real attention grabber.I suggest a stronger word than Pulled-- maybe yanked or jerked. But it's really fine as is!
Thanks
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
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Thank you p, I appreciate your review. Isn't it great, sometimes the number of words we need to use to review works have to be longer than the works themselves! And thank you for the advice, I think yanked will replace pulled.
I appreciate your comments and best wishes.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from missy98writer
Marijke
Your start of a story or hook for an opening is marvelous. A chilling portrait of a woman in an abusive relationship. Your entry "Close Encounter" is an excellent entry to write a sentence to start a story. The photo is chilling.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
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Marijke
Your start of a story or hook for an opening is marvelous. A chilling portrait of a woman in an abusive relationship. Your entry "Close Encounter" is an excellent entry to write a sentence to start a story. The photo is chilling.
Melissa.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
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Thanks Melissa, I appreicate your kind review. This was not as easy as it sounds, and there are some really great entries.
Warmest regards and hugs
Marijke
