The Weird Kid
A silly story with one syllable words70 total reviews
Comment from Judian James
Very silly and bizarre!! "her hair gray with a hint of not too much care, but her mind was loud with the gift of words. She worked at the main tea shop and waited on gals who gave her thin tips" I love poetic prose. You did a great job with this Amada.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Very silly and bizarre!! "her hair gray with a hint of not too much care, but her mind was loud with the gift of words. She worked at the main tea shop and waited on gals who gave her thin tips" I love poetic prose. You did a great job with this Amada.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for reading this one. I seldom use dialog; i was scared. New year, new conquests. I appreciate your support.
Comment from BPL76
This is good
I like the detail and the way you presented this
It flows well
Good Job
Good Luck in the contest
BPL
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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This is good
I like the detail and the way you presented this
It flows well
Good Job
Good Luck in the contest
BPL
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you BPL for reading and commenting in this work.
Comment from lola29
Your story is a very enjoyable read, and I think, wold make for a great children's book. Everyone likes silly and a happy ending.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Your story is a very enjoyable read, and I think, wold make for a great children's book. Everyone likes silly and a happy ending.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for the great review!
Comment from RazberryBullet
Good job, considering the peramiters of the contest. I liked these lines especially: His genes were a wild mix of gin and rhyme LOL!!!... her mind was loud with the gift of words :)
Well done!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Good job, considering the peramiters of the contest. I liked these lines especially: His genes were a wild mix of gin and rhyme LOL!!!... her mind was loud with the gift of words :)
Well done!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for the great review to this silly write.
Comment from bookishfabler
Well,you hit it on the nose with silly, that this was. LOL. I just wanted to point out a few two-sylable words you may want to re-word. I know this was no easy task.
agreed:
away tears
busy bee
tea cups (I'm pretty sure it is teacups)
hugs book
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Well,you hit it on the nose with silly, that this was. LOL. I just wanted to point out a few two-sylable words you may want to re-word. I know this was no easy task.
agreed:
away tears
busy bee
tea cups (I'm pretty sure it is teacups)
hugs book
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you bookisfabler. I corrected some of these error. I hope it is better now.
Comment from adewpearl
This is definitely humorous and has quite an absurdist element to it, and to add your own requirement of one syllable words was going above and beyond, amada. This is highly entertaining, not to mention clever :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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This is definitely humorous and has quite an absurdist element to it, and to add your own requirement of one syllable words was going above and beyond, amada. This is highly entertaining, not to mention clever :-) Brooke
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you Brooke!
Comment from Connie P
This is a great story. You accomplished a lot in a short concise piece. I like the way gave such a great account of this character, and his traits. Gin and rhyme huh?
Good Job,
Connie
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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This is a great story. You accomplished a lot in a short concise piece. I like the way gave such a great account of this character, and his traits. Gin and rhyme huh?
Good Job,
Connie
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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"Gin and rhyme." I think I will try that. So far is wine and rhyme for me. LOL!
Comment from Begin Again
Amada
You had the challenge of writing a story and then you went and added another challenge with the one syllable words..That could not have been an easy task. But you did a great job! WEll done.
Carol
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Amada
You had the challenge of writing a story and then you went and added another challenge with the one syllable words..That could not have been an easy task. But you did a great job! WEll done.
Carol
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you Carol! I am laughing at myself now. A new year's resolution...being somewhat silly and not too serious. Trying my hands at some dialog also.
Comment from Sandollar
Well, it is a silly story but it shows lots of imagination. This was a good way of doing it. The one syllable word story is an excellent idea. I know it's harder than you make it seem. I found two very minor errors in the story. They are below.
A fleet of ants rushed by in their way to lunch. (on their way to lunch?)
asked a red hair dame. (asked a red haired dame)
This was my favorite line.
The white swan looked down to all of them, like a queen set for her close up.
You're right-- the swans look very regal and the curvature of their necks do make them look as if they are condescending.
Good luck with the contest.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Well, it is a silly story but it shows lots of imagination. This was a good way of doing it. The one syllable word story is an excellent idea. I know it's harder than you make it seem. I found two very minor errors in the story. They are below.
A fleet of ants rushed by in their way to lunch. (on their way to lunch?)
asked a red hair dame. (asked a red haired dame)
This was my favorite line.
The white swan looked down to all of them, like a queen set for her close up.
You're right-- the swans look very regal and the curvature of their necks do make them look as if they are condescending.
Good luck with the contest.
Sandollar
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you for commenting and liking that phrase. I also appreciate your good wishes in the contest.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Very cute short story with an interesting plot and characters.
I can't quite figure out why you use : before a quote. It is either a period or a comma, depending if it is a speech tag or not.
The fish shook his tail, (not a speech tag, it needs a period)
"Not yet." The blond one said. "My golf tour is near." (should be written: "Not yet," the blond one said. "My golf tour is near." )
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Very cute short story with an interesting plot and characters.
I can't quite figure out why you use : before a quote. It is either a period or a comma, depending if it is a speech tag or not.
The fish shook his tail, (not a speech tag, it needs a period)
"Not yet." The blond one said. "My golf tour is near." (should be written: "Not yet," the blond one said. "My golf tour is near." )
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
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Thank you Barbara for the review and the mini-lesson. I learn this way, one step at a time. You are gracious and caring.
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So do I. Sometimes, I need to be hit over the head to fully understand it.
