Ravages of War
blank verse38 total reviews
Comment from MAMONIA
How excellent, eloquent and moving you write. Oh to be such a talent; a giver to others of your heart and soul. You come from a place deep within you and it presents itself in your words. God love you for your creativity.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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How excellent, eloquent and moving you write. Oh to be such a talent; a giver to others of your heart and soul. You come from a place deep within you and it presents itself in your words. God love you for your creativity.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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You are far too kind, I fear. Thank you so very much.
Comment from kintesiegel
This is a very powerful piece. I enjoyed the intensity of it and the remorse of love lost and sadness. I know you hate for me to make suggestions but I would change "in" a hive to "by" and "You knew when you came back you would be dead." i would change this to "I knew..."
Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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This is a very powerful piece. I enjoyed the intensity of it and the remorse of love lost and sadness. I know you hate for me to make suggestions but I would change "in" a hive to "by" and "You knew when you came back you would be dead." i would change this to "I knew..."
Very nicely done.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Thank you; I'll consider your suggestions. Thank you for a good review.
Comment from Trybuck
Sounds like the love affair was one-sided -- Beyond our lust there was no fire from you. That's sad enough but then the lover returns dead is even more so. At least there can now be some form of closure. Good one, Buck
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Sounds like the love affair was one-sided -- Beyond our lust there was no fire from you. That's sad enough but then the lover returns dead is even more so. At least there can now be some form of closure. Good one, Buck
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thanks for a good review.
Comment from Sweet Victory
Absolutely beautiful and painful at the same time! Emotional and tormenting as well.
All I can say is only his body is gone his spirit lives forever!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Absolutely beautiful and painful at the same time! Emotional and tormenting as well.
All I can say is only his body is gone his spirit lives forever!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thanks for understanding. This was a very difficult poem to write, both emotionally and technically. Thank you for understanding my work so well and the exceptional review.
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I understand Loss believe me I lost my father
But I also spoke with him more after he passed
when you open up your heart and forget logic you have a magical connection to that other side so only his body is gone but he is still with you and he has now become a spirit guide.
Just like my father watches over me now!
Comment from MissMerri
A well-done, touching poem that gives the reader much to think about. The perfect iambic pentameter makes it flow comfortably and the words are musical in their arrangement. It was a pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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A well-done, touching poem that gives the reader much to think about. The perfect iambic pentameter makes it flow comfortably and the words are musical in their arrangement. It was a pleasure to read.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thank you for such a kind review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Vladilynn
Always the magical touch of your words echoes in every stanzas...what a lonely and interesting poem. Bitterness?? Nah....for what reason, I can see the purity of the emotions and feelings that been trapped inside. Maybe is just me, but the love I see, is still there behind the curtain of griefs.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful.
Love much
Lynn:0)
Good luck!!!!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Always the magical touch of your words echoes in every stanzas...what a lonely and interesting poem. Bitterness?? Nah....for what reason, I can see the purity of the emotions and feelings that been trapped inside. Maybe is just me, but the love I see, is still there behind the curtain of griefs.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful.
Love much
Lynn:0)
Good luck!!!!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Yes, you understood the complexity of emotion I wanted to convey. Thanks for that and for a good review.
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Your welcome as always!!!
Goodluck!!!!
Comment from joelh605
Curious - the poetry in this, taken as "free" verse, is heart wrenching and fine enough to weep over.
On the other hand, as iambics, it misses; notes below.
All the best,
Joel
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Your youth expired long before its time
Not iambic, unless you force "expired into three syllables, "expi(y)erd"
A suicide; yet a ring I still wear,
A suicide; yeta ring I still wear ??
This is iambic only after forcing "a" and "I" to take accents they don't own in regular speech - when delivered with an iambic pattern it grates on the ear.
My soul stung as if in a hive of bees
My soul stung as if in a hive of bees
-11-i--1-1 (where iambics are -1-1-1-1-1)
Speak this as the meaning in the words demands, and the second and third iambics morph into a pair of trochees.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Curious - the poetry in this, taken as "free" verse, is heart wrenching and fine enough to weep over.
On the other hand, as iambics, it misses; notes below.
All the best,
Joel
=-=-=
Your youth expired long before its time
Not iambic, unless you force "expired into three syllables, "expi(y)erd"
A suicide; yet a ring I still wear,
A suicide; yeta ring I still wear ??
This is iambic only after forcing "a" and "I" to take accents they don't own in regular speech - when delivered with an iambic pattern it grates on the ear.
My soul stung as if in a hive of bees
My soul stung as if in a hive of bees
-11-i--1-1 (where iambics are -1-1-1-1-1)
Speak this as the meaning in the words demands, and the second and third iambics morph into a pair of trochees.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Kellytr
Alvin, When I first came to this site, and to writing, a short while ago, I couldn't see the point in verse with no rhyme. I realize now that I was reading material that was poorly put together.
'Ravages of War' has spun me around. Your masterful telling of this emotional tale of love and betrayal, with its wonderful rhythm and flow, has opened another door for me. Thank you. Kelly
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Alvin, When I first came to this site, and to writing, a short while ago, I couldn't see the point in verse with no rhyme. I realize now that I was reading material that was poorly put together.
'Ravages of War' has spun me around. Your masterful telling of this emotional tale of love and betrayal, with its wonderful rhythm and flow, has opened another door for me. Thank you. Kelly
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thanks for such a good review. Unfortunately, what is in vogue in most of the English-speaking world today is splash words on a page and call it free verse. What people don't realize free verse is extremely difficult to do well. This work, of course, is blank verse, so it does have a meter. However, it is one of the most difficult forms to execute. Thank you for a superb review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Ankh
Wow....this is sad and really good. Such is the reality of war. I love the flow in this piece. Thank you for sharing and well done :-)
Seth
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Wow....this is sad and really good. Such is the reality of war. I love the flow in this piece. Thank you for sharing and well done :-)
Seth
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
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Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from jahees
This had a nice flow to it in spite of not having any rhyme due to your iambic pentameter.... it quite an impressive story in a poem. A very emotional and heart-wrenching story you have written from your own heart.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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This had a nice flow to it in spite of not having any rhyme due to your iambic pentameter.... it quite an impressive story in a poem. A very emotional and heart-wrenching story you have written from your own heart.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you for a very kind review. It is extremely hard to write iambic pentameter without rhymes. But then, my contest are never easy!
