Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "A Christmas Wedding Part III"Some bloodlines run very deep.
23 total reviews
Comment from Vladilynn
Heeeee.heeeee.. forgot to leave a comment for this one!! No doubt you've received awesome reviews for this one~
I loved the whole adventure for the last minute chapter~
Really different from other vampire story! Alien muse loved this part!!:0)
Love much
Lynn:0)
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Heeeee.heeeee.. forgot to leave a comment for this one!! No doubt you've received awesome reviews for this one~
I loved the whole adventure for the last minute chapter~
Really different from other vampire story! Alien muse loved this part!!:0)
Love much
Lynn:0)
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you so much Lynn!!!
Comment from K-Patrick
I am back again.
... a perfectly shaped eight thousand carat diamond. As it turned, it sparkled, reflecting thousands of tiny light beams in rainbows of color across the floor like a rotating disco ball. -- This tugs at me. One sense is that the largest diamond in the world was 'only' 3100 carats. The other other is that you reduce a priceless stone to a disco ball. Then there is the fact that it ties in with nothing. Goes totally off the topic. I like the idea, but where is it going? -- Suggestion: Remove the gem from Stan's ship under the castle and bring it back. Come up with it's the power core to the ship or something. Maybe have it emit low frequency energy that "re-tunes" bio-rhythms to "offer luck". Yes it mean a bit of addition, but you did bring the blood root back (which needs more play I think). OK I said it.
"Our Mother Ship is under attack!"
the Mother Ship's shield.
Decide 'Our' or 'The' - I would rather see just 'Mother Ship' like it was a person. "Mother Ship is under attack..." "Mother Ship won't last long..."
I like the ideas of taking the girls, but give the reader a better reason than they are handy. Stan has a mental connection to both girls he can use that to familiarize them with the weapons system and stuff. - You do this I see you do this in the ship, maybe offer it as the reason.
"Brook! Fire! Brook!" -- Fire, Brook! Fire! ??maybe??
"It's slowing us down so their fighters can take us. Help, Stan! Our shields are starting to collapse." -- Raul's dialogue isn't living up to the "not so emotional Species" as described when they came back to get Stan. Consider more 'as a matter of fact' statements.
OK I guess we must think alike, I see the bloodroot has turned up again. :o)
Excellent ending! If it is an ending . . .
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2009
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I am back again.
... a perfectly shaped eight thousand carat diamond. As it turned, it sparkled, reflecting thousands of tiny light beams in rainbows of color across the floor like a rotating disco ball. -- This tugs at me. One sense is that the largest diamond in the world was 'only' 3100 carats. The other other is that you reduce a priceless stone to a disco ball. Then there is the fact that it ties in with nothing. Goes totally off the topic. I like the idea, but where is it going? -- Suggestion: Remove the gem from Stan's ship under the castle and bring it back. Come up with it's the power core to the ship or something. Maybe have it emit low frequency energy that "re-tunes" bio-rhythms to "offer luck". Yes it mean a bit of addition, but you did bring the blood root back (which needs more play I think). OK I said it.
"Our Mother Ship is under attack!"
the Mother Ship's shield.
Decide 'Our' or 'The' - I would rather see just 'Mother Ship' like it was a person. "Mother Ship is under attack..." "Mother Ship won't last long..."
I like the ideas of taking the girls, but give the reader a better reason than they are handy. Stan has a mental connection to both girls he can use that to familiarize them with the weapons system and stuff. - You do this I see you do this in the ship, maybe offer it as the reason.
"Brook! Fire! Brook!" -- Fire, Brook! Fire! ??maybe??
"It's slowing us down so their fighters can take us. Help, Stan! Our shields are starting to collapse." -- Raul's dialogue isn't living up to the "not so emotional Species" as described when they came back to get Stan. Consider more 'as a matter of fact' statements.
OK I guess we must think alike, I see the bloodroot has turned up again. :o)
Excellent ending! If it is an ending . . .
Comment Written 30-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2009
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Wow! A SIXER from K-P! Thank you so much and Happy New Years! As always, you offer excellent suggestions that I'm eager to use. Their blood root is viewed by Stan and Raul like we view a vegetable. It sustains them. But human blood, that gives them a little more in taste, a little less in nutrition, like how we view maybe a pizza? There has to be a good reason for them to want human blood over their thousand year trusted root, LOL. Regarding to disco ball, I originally went with a gold one, but went with the diamond because it's Wishes. Imagine light hitting you from one of these rare gems. The largest diamond was over 7,000 carats. I searched the net to help keep me within reason. :) We do think alike! Thanks again for such an awesome review and for all your help. I deeply appreciate it. The last chapter will be out tonight I hope. It's the wedding scene.
Comment from Arkine
interfere with Earthly affairs.["]
Think that's the only thing I caught. Nice battle scene. So now there are two vampires? ~L~ Great job! :)
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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interfere with Earthly affairs.["]
Think that's the only thing I caught. Nice battle scene. So now there are two vampires? ~L~ Great job! :)
Comment Written 26-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and for catching that little spaggie. Yes! Now we have two, LOL. Can never have enough of these guys. :)
My computer crashed, but we're back.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a unique story line. Vampire Aliens mating with humans. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Merry Christmas.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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This is a unique story line. Vampire Aliens mating with humans. This is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme. Merry Christmas.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Imagery is very important to me. Thank you so much for your wonderful review.
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You're welcome, NW. Charlie
Comment from Gold Standard
I'm not into sci-fi stuff but this was either a humorous chapter with suspense thrown in or vice versa. Either way it was very good. I like how you handled the different characters and the rapport between them. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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I'm not into sci-fi stuff but this was either a humorous chapter with suspense thrown in or vice versa. Either way it was very good. I like how you handled the different characters and the rapport between them. Excellent job.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your review. I have heard that about my writing, that it can be taken as being humorous, so that's a big plus if I head into comedy, which I might do. Thanks again!
Comment from Amyna
This is most appropriate for the season, and beautifully written. There's a lot of suspense too, and also selfless love. I like your characters' dialogue as well.
"On the way... the girl's were told" - I think you have mistakenly put an apostrophe there...
Merry Christmas!
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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This is most appropriate for the season, and beautifully written. There's a lot of suspense too, and also selfless love. I like your characters' dialogue as well.
"On the way... the girl's were told" - I think you have mistakenly put an apostrophe there...
Merry Christmas!
Comment Written 24-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and for catching the nasty spaggie. You read this so well. I wish I could award stars for reviews. My computer crashed on Christmas Eve, just as everything closed. Luckily I had a backup of some things. I hope you had a nice Christmas. :)
Comment from babylonia
steve,
LOL another great chapter. yeah, i saw that coming ... stan and lori, brook and raul. made me smile. easy to read and follow. no spaggies. imagery is excellent. so earth girls are easy. LOL
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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steve,
LOL another great chapter. yeah, i saw that coming ... stan and lori, brook and raul. made me smile. easy to read and follow. no spaggies. imagery is excellent. so earth girls are easy. LOL
love,
barbara
Comment Written 24-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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Hey, never thought of earth girls are easy, but what a catchy phrase! Thanks for your wonderful review Barbara! Merry Christmas!
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lmao that's because you aren't an alien. be an alien with a flash everything and you don't even have to have sex. LOL well, stan anyway. i love the movie with the same name. jeff goldblum, jim carrey, geena davis and a few other great stars.
love,
barbara
Comment from barbara.wilkey
'The Muse is fighting me all the way,' You could not tell. This is very good. The characters are strong. You have used dialogue to give the characters personality and to move the plot along at a good pace.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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'The Muse is fighting me all the way,' You could not tell. This is very good. The characters are strong. You have used dialogue to give the characters personality and to move the plot along at a good pace.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review! :)
Comment from Sasha
This is a fun chapter. I enjoyed it immensely. I loved the wedding party and believe me,only you could get away with an 'eight thousand carat diamond'... I anxiously look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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This is a fun chapter. I enjoyed it immensely. I loved the wedding party and believe me,only you could get away with an 'eight thousand carat diamond'... I anxiously look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review! 8,000 carat is BIG. I think the largest diamond ever discovered was around 7,000 carat. Since this is fantasy, I went for the best! :) Thanks again!
Comment from fictionwriter
Although this is a wonderful little tale, the aliens and the vampire thing is a little much for me, but then that's just my preference. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Although this is a wonderful little tale, the aliens and the vampire thing is a little much for me, but then that's just my preference. Well done.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your review, Fictionwriter. That's why I went with fantasy for this. It's really not horror, but there's a little, and there's not enough romance, so fantasy or sci-fi is where it's at. I'll be tweaking this entire book soon. Thanks again.
