Rudolph's Nose Goes Out
A sad day, when Rudolph looses his nose15 total reviews
Comment from ZeBestBlonde1
Hello to you, I'd give it more a 4.5. Don't think it's at 5 quite yet.
The title doesn't GRAB one-sounds average. Still, I did like the idea of the story. Some of the writing does seem drawn out-not sure if reading to kids they would stay interested as well.
It's written in a narrative structure-felt that way to me.
Still...it is a nice story and I did enjoy reading it.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Hello to you, I'd give it more a 4.5. Don't think it's at 5 quite yet.
The title doesn't GRAB one-sounds average. Still, I did like the idea of the story. Some of the writing does seem drawn out-not sure if reading to kids they would stay interested as well.
It's written in a narrative structure-felt that way to me.
Still...it is a nice story and I did enjoy reading it.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Thank you for taking the time to read, and your review. I'm not real happy with the title, but haven't come up with something better at this stage. Working on it. I was surprised you thought it more narrative, as I worked on putting a lot of dialogue in, to ensure it did not get too boring. But I guess, there is narrative there. Still you thought it a nice story, and you enjoyed reading it, and that is the main thing from my perspective.
I appreciate your comments and your rating.
Warmest regards and seasons greetings
Marijke
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Hi again to you-I shall give your title more thought...seems to be a hard one for me as well-that just means it's on z tip of my tongue and soon shall be Rudolph's nose-lol thanks for writing!
Comment from Queenise
This is such a sweet and engaging story that I enjoyed a lot. I did think there was too much of the red nose thing before the doctor was called, but all in all, a great story to read. Think this would make a good children's book. Good luck with it. Queenise
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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This is such a sweet and engaging story that I enjoyed a lot. I did think there was too much of the red nose thing before the doctor was called, but all in all, a great story to read. Think this would make a good children's book. Good luck with it. Queenise
Comment Written 18-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2009
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Thank you Queenise, my first forray into writing a children's story. I will look at reducing the red nose a little. I had over 5000 words to start with, and reduced it to just over 3500. But will revisit.
Thank you for your time to review and the rating.
Warmest regards and seasons greetings
Marijke
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Marijke,friend. You're welcome. My pleasure to review. Happy Holidays. Queenise
Comment from adewpearl
How can he loose his nose? - lose
Santa as he rubs his belly. - this is a fragment - did you skip writing some words in?
What a clever story - Rudolph sneezing his nose off and then Prancer having it glued over his since Rudolph is too sick to fly and then herbal tea as remedy. LOLOL I loved the part where they bang into a plane. I can just imagine the illustrations and bet kids would laugh their heads off at some of these absurd situations. I do believe illustrated books for kids of the age who like illustrated books are usually shorter than this, so I'd just suggest editing it down before you consider submitting it for publication :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2009
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How can he loose his nose? - lose
Santa as he rubs his belly. - this is a fragment - did you skip writing some words in?
What a clever story - Rudolph sneezing his nose off and then Prancer having it glued over his since Rudolph is too sick to fly and then herbal tea as remedy. LOLOL I loved the part where they bang into a plane. I can just imagine the illustrations and bet kids would laugh their heads off at some of these absurd situations. I do believe illustrated books for kids of the age who like illustrated books are usually shorter than this, so I'd just suggest editing it down before you consider submitting it for publication :-) Brooke
Comment Written 18-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2009
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Hi Brooke, and thank you so much for your kind review and advice, it is truly appreciated. Especially about the submission advice, I will keep it in mind, and see if I can reduce it.
I always get 'choose and chose, and loose and lose! wrong. I'll get it one day (you may be interested to know my very Australian husband laughs whenever I say a 'oo' sound in English (my native tongue being Dutch). I haven't and probably never will grasp the proper pronunciation! Oh well ..
Thanks again, and also for your generous rating.
Warmest regards and seasons greetings
Marijke
Comment from lola29
You've written a wonderful children's story. Instead of making fun of Rudolph's nose, you've given it center stage.
This is very entertaining and joy for anyone to read.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2009
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You've written a wonderful children's story. Instead of making fun of Rudolph's nose, you've given it center stage.
This is very entertaining and joy for anyone to read.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2009
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Thank you Lola. I enjoye my first forray into writing for children. Thanks for your kind review and those lovely stars.
Warmest regards and seasons greetings to you and all your loved ones.
Marijke
Comment from melyuki
Hi Marijke, well what a unique and lovely children's story, and great for adults too. Because Santa is such a world wide fantasy and greatly noted for his wonderful deeds, the kids will really be engrossed with the tale you tell. The most wonderful part about the story, is the message it sends to all who read it.
The message about, 1. caring for those we love
2. Sharing the load to help our friends
3. showing appreciation of others
4. understanding other's feelings
5. enjoying the company of friends
6. the need to feel useful and important
Those are just the main messages that shine through for me in this lovely tale.
Although at times the story seems as if it could be condensed, I feel that in the mind and hearts of kids, it is just perfect. They need things to be spelled out, so that they fully understand the concepts. And that is exactly what you have done throughout the story Marijke.
all in all, I think you have done a wonderful job, and feel sure it will make a fabulous kid's fable to be spread around the world for all to read and enjoy. Good luck with this new venture Marijke. hugs and smiles for a happy successful story book. luv from Mel xxxxx
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2009
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Hi Marijke, well what a unique and lovely children's story, and great for adults too. Because Santa is such a world wide fantasy and greatly noted for his wonderful deeds, the kids will really be engrossed with the tale you tell. The most wonderful part about the story, is the message it sends to all who read it.
The message about, 1. caring for those we love
2. Sharing the load to help our friends
3. showing appreciation of others
4. understanding other's feelings
5. enjoying the company of friends
6. the need to feel useful and important
Those are just the main messages that shine through for me in this lovely tale.
Although at times the story seems as if it could be condensed, I feel that in the mind and hearts of kids, it is just perfect. They need things to be spelled out, so that they fully understand the concepts. And that is exactly what you have done throughout the story Marijke.
all in all, I think you have done a wonderful job, and feel sure it will make a fabulous kid's fable to be spread around the world for all to read and enjoy. Good luck with this new venture Marijke. hugs and smiles for a happy successful story book. luv from Mel xxxxx
Comment Written 18-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2009
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Thank you Mel, for such a comprehensive and wonderful review. This really was new territory for me, and yes, it is a long story.
I truly appreciate your understanding of the messages embedded in the story, and that you feel it could be enjoyed by children all around the world.
Warmest regards, hugs and lots of Christmas cheer.
Marijke
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You are so welcome. One day, when I am blessed with grandchildren, your story might be published and I can tell the kids I know this famous author. HOw's that for a thought. hugs to you and you are most welcome. Hope it was at least a little bit helpful.... luv Mel xxx
Comment from volunteer angel
I loved the story and who would have thought about two Santas? Your creativity on coming up with the details on this was amazing! I especially liked the dialogue! Mrs. Claus was very cute with the description you gave of her waddling as she walked. Great job! Good luck in the contest! V.A.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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I loved the story and who would have thought about two Santas? Your creativity on coming up with the details on this was amazing! I especially liked the dialogue! Mrs. Claus was very cute with the description you gave of her waddling as she walked. Great job! Good luck in the contest! V.A.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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Thank you VA, for your review and taking the time out to read this rather long story.
Firts time effort at a story aimed at children, and so far, I have had a good and positive response.
Thanks you again, and Christmas wishes to you and all your loved ones.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from missy98writer
fionageorge,
You've written a fantastic story "rudolph's Nose Goes Out" for the holiday story contest. The dialogue and descriptive scheme are wonderful. Great retelling of Rudolph's Nose. I like this part of your story:
Prancer asks, "Why don't we stick Rudolph's nose on top of mine? I'm sure the elves have some glue left from all the wood-work they've been doing. Then I can lead, with Rudolph's nose still shining and leading the way." He looks very pleased with this idea, smiling from ear to ear.
I like how Santa had Comet call on the mobile phones they had wrapped up as gifts. I could see Santa, elves and everyone in Santa land sat around drinking hot chocolate after all the gift delivers are made, so your story has great imagery. Great story. The spacing you may want to re-check in certain areas. Overall an excellent story worthy of five stars.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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fionageorge,
You've written a fantastic story "rudolph's Nose Goes Out" for the holiday story contest. The dialogue and descriptive scheme are wonderful. Great retelling of Rudolph's Nose. I like this part of your story:
Prancer asks, "Why don't we stick Rudolph's nose on top of mine? I'm sure the elves have some glue left from all the wood-work they've been doing. Then I can lead, with Rudolph's nose still shining and leading the way." He looks very pleased with this idea, smiling from ear to ear.
I like how Santa had Comet call on the mobile phones they had wrapped up as gifts. I could see Santa, elves and everyone in Santa land sat around drinking hot chocolate after all the gift delivers are made, so your story has great imagery. Great story. The spacing you may want to re-check in certain areas. Overall an excellent story worthy of five stars.
Melissa.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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Thank you very much Melissa, I enjoyed writing this, although it is the first time I have gone into this genre (except for in my poetry).
Evil Eddie keeps pulling some of the lines together. I have solved it this morning, by putting two spaces between those lines.
Thanks again,
Warmest regards, hugs and Christmas wishes
Marijke
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Evil Eddie is worse when you used the advanced editor. I try to avoid using the advanced editor unless its an acrostic poem.
The story you wrote was wonderful.
Melissa.
Comment from Rama Rao
EXCELLENT.
I am sorry I don't have six stars.
You have a nose for good story.
I had my nose in the story.
Reindeer flu was the first coup.
Rudolph nose falling out was the second.
Sticking the nose with glue was the next.
Crashing with the plane was the next.
The story was full of surprises.I am sure it will become a popular tale soon. I've taken out a print out to read it out for my grand children.
WISHING U A HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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EXCELLENT.
I am sorry I don't have six stars.
You have a nose for good story.
I had my nose in the story.
Reindeer flu was the first coup.
Rudolph nose falling out was the second.
Sticking the nose with glue was the next.
Crashing with the plane was the next.
The story was full of surprises.I am sure it will become a popular tale soon. I've taken out a print out to read it out for my grand children.
WISHING U A HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
Thank you so much Ramaroa, for your wonderful review and kind words. I enjoyed writing this, and thank you for thinking it is worthy of six stars.
I look forward to hearing how this story went down with your grandchildren.
Warmest regards and Christmas wishes
Marijke
Comment from Jnetgame
This is a very imaginitive children's story and I enjoyed it. I'm not sure what age you are aiming this for, but it might be a little long for young children with short attention spans. Other than that I thought it was excellent. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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This is a very imaginitive children's story and I enjoyed it. I'm not sure what age you are aiming this for, but it might be a little long for young children with short attention spans. Other than that I thought it was excellent. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much Jnetgame, for your wonderful review and kind words. This is aimed at the 5 to 8 year old age group. I plan to split it into 6 chapters, and have some small sketched illustrations added. I envisage the book to be read to children not yet able to read it themselves, probably one chapter per night, leading up to Christmas, and of course, the slightly oder children, to read a chapter per night.
For this contest, it had to be in one chapter.
Thank you again.
Warmest regards and Christmas wishes
Marijke
Comment from jayhawk67
This as a fun read. You used a real nice, gentle touch that seems to capture the personalities of the reindeer, the elves and the Claus family.
There is good humor and grace.
One little nit:The ending left me a little flat. Can't think of a good tweak right now, but maybe later.
Lots of fun .
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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This as a fun read. You used a real nice, gentle touch that seems to capture the personalities of the reindeer, the elves and the Claus family.
There is good humor and grace.
One little nit:The ending left me a little flat. Can't think of a good tweak right now, but maybe later.
Lots of fun .
Comment Written 17-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2009
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I have just added another paragraph, and wouldn't mind your opinion as to whether that has improved the ending.
Thank you for your feedback and review.
Warmest regards and seasons greetings
Marijke
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That's good. One thought is that Mrs. Claus might have something special for Rudolph's nose--a wish package? Suggestions or an analysis from Dr. Oz? Comment or diagnosis from somebody on the Animal Channel?
