Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "A Christmas Wedding Part II"Some bloodlines run very deep.
20 total reviews
Comment from Deejharrington
Maybe the last chapter? Well, everybody is happy and could be a good place to end it. I'm sure your muse will let you know when is the right time.
Great chapter, just the right touch of fairy tale wedding and reality. I have enjoyed the complete story. Very well written and a good story.
deb
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2009
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Maybe the last chapter? Well, everybody is happy and could be a good place to end it. I'm sure your muse will let you know when is the right time.
Great chapter, just the right touch of fairy tale wedding and reality. I have enjoyed the complete story. Very well written and a good story.
deb
Comment Written 08-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much, Deb. You are so right about that Muse. There's at least one more chapter in the works and some strong ideas for the sequel staring Brook! :)
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi steve. Oh what an effort you put for this chapter. All the great details must have been a lot of work, but I think you can trim off some. Well, that maybe just me who only include important details in my writing and concentrate more on the story. I like the scene between Stan and Brooke, thanks for including it. I've been wondering about them. I can relate to their feelings. To me we can still love another person - in a different way. it also happens in my story. Overall this is a grand effort and I don't have a sixer for you.
Just a few little things:
"Wait, honey[," he] called over to his wife.
His head jerked back to her. "They sure offer a lot here."
How about - His head jerked her way.
Lori unbuttoned her blouse as she turned toward her bedroom. "Well, I'm going to take a quick shower and get ready." Lori walked to her room and closed the door.
The last sentence, how about: She walked into her room...
No need to repeat her name and direction.
Just to add - you should listen to your muse lol.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2009
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Hi steve. Oh what an effort you put for this chapter. All the great details must have been a lot of work, but I think you can trim off some. Well, that maybe just me who only include important details in my writing and concentrate more on the story. I like the scene between Stan and Brooke, thanks for including it. I've been wondering about them. I can relate to their feelings. To me we can still love another person - in a different way. it also happens in my story. Overall this is a grand effort and I don't have a sixer for you.
Just a few little things:
"Wait, honey[," he] called over to his wife.
His head jerked back to her. "They sure offer a lot here."
How about - His head jerked her way.
Lori unbuttoned her blouse as she turned toward her bedroom. "Well, I'm going to take a quick shower and get ready." Lori walked to her room and closed the door.
The last sentence, how about: She walked into her room...
No need to repeat her name and direction.
Just to add - you should listen to your muse lol.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful and always deeply appreciated review and helpful suggestions. I've put them to good use already. A virtual SIXER? I'll take it and thank you! As for my Muse, she has taken over this story. Help! LOL. Thanks again.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Steve:)
Apparently your muse wants to hang out in the Wishes Resort a little longer. Who can deny their muse? Every detail of this chapter signifies luxury.
This is elegant writing befitting a world class wedding.I like your attention to detail so, of course I welcome a few more chapters of your wonderful fantasy.
I note one small error. Stretch Limo isthe correct term rather than stretched limo.
I look forward to the wedding.
Roger
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2009
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Hi Steve:)
Apparently your muse wants to hang out in the Wishes Resort a little longer. Who can deny their muse? Every detail of this chapter signifies luxury.
This is elegant writing befitting a world class wedding.I like your attention to detail so, of course I welcome a few more chapters of your wonderful fantasy.
I note one small error. Stretch Limo isthe correct term rather than stretched limo.
I look forward to the wedding.
Roger
Comment Written 08-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your encouraging and helpful review, Roger. Your words are like music to my ears (and my Muses!). Luxury is what I am trying to convey. I fixed the Stretch Limo part. I apprciate your review very much. Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Sasha
This is such a fun book. I anxiously look forward to reading the last chapter. Not that I want it to end, but I am sure the wedding will be one no one will forget. Great job with this one.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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This is such a fun book. I anxiously look forward to reading the last chapter. Not that I want it to end, but I am sure the wedding will be one no one will forget. Great job with this one.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Funny you should mention that. My Muse is planning an alien attack on their wedding day, LOL. But I haven't put it down on paper yet, I'm trying to wrap this story up, not start World War II, LOL. Thank you so much for your wonderful review! :)
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Boy, you know how to ruin a perfectly good wedding, don't you?
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello NightWriter
Yes, I enjoyed this chapter. Everything sound too perfect and simply lovely.
An interesting scene between Brook and Stan - -one good thing
Brooke has Raul,
I like Lori's dad.
and I just hope all goes well when the big wedding day comes around
(one never knows)
Gert
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Hello NightWriter
Yes, I enjoyed this chapter. Everything sound too perfect and simply lovely.
An interesting scene between Brook and Stan - -one good thing
Brooke has Raul,
I like Lori's dad.
and I just hope all goes well when the big wedding day comes around
(one never knows)
Gert
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much Gert. How true. My Muse is already making plans for an alien invasion during the wedding! I'm squashing it for now, trying to END the story, not start World War III, LOL.
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YYou are welcome
I know you just couldn't end your book with a peaceably wedding
Gert
Comment from babylonia
steve,
another good chapter. made me smile. so far so good. everyone is happy. so their having a catholic wedding. very interesting. easy to read and follow. spaggies.
Walking at his side him(drop him), his shorter wife wearing matching jeans and sweatshirt
With her sparkling blue eyes and long and(drop this and) blonde hair, it wasn't hard to see where Lori's good looks came from.
Lori's dad walked up add to) them
aren't her parents going to want to know why stan doesn't come out during the day? LOL
Lori strolled over (add and) bent to kiss his cheek
They climbed into the black stretched limo and (add were) driven to St. Paul's Cathedral a couple miles north
imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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steve,
another good chapter. made me smile. so far so good. everyone is happy. so their having a catholic wedding. very interesting. easy to read and follow. spaggies.
Walking at his side him(drop him), his shorter wife wearing matching jeans and sweatshirt
With her sparkling blue eyes and long and(drop this and) blonde hair, it wasn't hard to see where Lori's good looks came from.
Lori's dad walked up add to) them
aren't her parents going to want to know why stan doesn't come out during the day? LOL
Lori strolled over (add and) bent to kiss his cheek
They climbed into the black stretched limo and (add were) driven to St. Paul's Cathedral a couple miles north
imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Hi Barbara. Where have you been? I've missed you out here. Thank you so much for your wonderful review and helpful suggestions. I greatly appreciate them. For now, Lori has been able to keep her dad's probing curiousity at bay, but with more get togethers and seeing Stan only at night, he will grow more suspicious. :)
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steve,
i've been here reading. was sick for a while so didn't get to do too much writing or reading. still not at my best but better than i was. yeah, i get the impression dad will be pissed soon but we'll see. anything can happen.
love,
barbara
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
A good chapter.
I like how you depicted the father. It seemed perfect.
Good descriptions.
Good dialogue.
Interesting and entertaining.
A few nits: 12th paragraph, 2nd line: walking at his side him get rid of him, and get rid of the second and. You might want to review this whole paragraph and see if you can make it flow smoother.
22nd paragraph: insert the word to between up and them.
In a few places you spelled champagne champaign. And in two places you have frig for fridge.
And in the 22nd paragraph from the bottom: insert the word "were" before the word "driven"
and somewhere in the 2nd half you wrote she steeped her fingers. You might want to check that out and see if that's correct. Maybe you meant steepled?
I'm still giving you a 5 star because I believe typos and little errors don't really reflect your writing ability and they're easy to miss.
I enjoyed your story and characters and writing and that is what really counts.
Kathryn
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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A good chapter.
I like how you depicted the father. It seemed perfect.
Good descriptions.
Good dialogue.
Interesting and entertaining.
A few nits: 12th paragraph, 2nd line: walking at his side him get rid of him, and get rid of the second and. You might want to review this whole paragraph and see if you can make it flow smoother.
22nd paragraph: insert the word to between up and them.
In a few places you spelled champagne champaign. And in two places you have frig for fridge.
And in the 22nd paragraph from the bottom: insert the word "were" before the word "driven"
and somewhere in the 2nd half you wrote she steeped her fingers. You might want to check that out and see if that's correct. Maybe you meant steepled?
I'm still giving you a 5 star because I believe typos and little errors don't really reflect your writing ability and they're easy to miss.
I enjoyed your story and characters and writing and that is what really counts.
Kathryn
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review Kathryn. The stars are nice, but it's your helpful review I most appreciate. Some good catches here. Some I found in later edits, but you caught some nasty ones. Champagne being the trickiest. I couldn't figure why Word kept wanting to capitalise the word, LOL. Steepled is another. Word tells me I mis-spelled it when I add the 'ed'. I changed it to steepled, as it sounds better, until I can come up with something better. Thank you again for this wonderful review! It is deeply appreciated.
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You're welcome.
Kathryn
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Night, no the next chapter cannot be the last. You'll have to fix Brooke and Raul up as she now likes that type of life. This was a nice descriptive chapter which was filled with emotion as Stan and Lori prepare to marry. It's disconcerting that Brooke still harbours these feelings.
Well written. Oh - Fiancee is the female - fiance is the male - I don't know if this applies in USA English. luv jada
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Hi Night, no the next chapter cannot be the last. You'll have to fix Brooke and Raul up as she now likes that type of life. This was a nice descriptive chapter which was filled with emotion as Stan and Lori prepare to marry. It's disconcerting that Brooke still harbours these feelings.
Well written. Oh - Fiancee is the female - fiance is the male - I don't know if this applies in USA English. luv jada
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Aw, Jada, God bless you for your wonderful encouragement. I'll write sequels, I just need to see if I can get this story out in the market while the market is hot for vampire tales. My Muse feels like you though. Heck, just today she was brewing an alien invasion during their wedding! Brook and Raul, I like it. What an explosive combination. I just need to find a nice way to dispose of Jim, LOL. Maybe an afair he gets caught in. Hmmm. Can't blame Brook for still having feeling for Stan. He's magnetic, and it's not her fault. The dictionary shows both fiancee and fiance, another hmmm. :) Thank you so much for your review. I greatly appreciate it.
Comment from adewpearl
I couldn't bare the thought of losing her - should be bear
the nickname for a refrigerator is spelled fridge, not frig
It was fun to see Lori's father go from a tad disapproving to bowled over by the opulence of Stan's resort and the obvious influence he has, being personal friends with the governor and all. I hope there is not trouble brewing with the whole Brook thing. Brooke :-)
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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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I couldn't bare the thought of losing her - should be bear
the nickname for a refrigerator is spelled fridge, not frig
It was fun to see Lori's father go from a tad disapproving to bowled over by the opulence of Stan's resort and the obvious influence he has, being personal friends with the governor and all. I hope there is not trouble brewing with the whole Brook thing. Brooke :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and helpful suggestions, Brooke. I greatly appreciate this. I always get the bears mixed, errr. Brook could very well be the star in the sequel to this saga, LOL. Her and Raul might get tangled in something. Can't say for sure, but I sense something there and if there is, we have us another story! :) Thanks again!
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You and 45,378,464 other people get the bear/bare thing wrong, so don't feel all that bad! LOL
Comment from peach
YEAH! Rockin'! I loved this. I think the way your effective dialogue guided the piece was fantastic. Plus, the description was amazing. What words! Thanks for an enjoyable read.
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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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YEAH! Rockin'! I loved this. I think the way your effective dialogue guided the piece was fantastic. Plus, the description was amazing. What words! Thanks for an enjoyable read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review! :)
