Paterfamilias
a heroic rispetto21 total reviews
Comment from sugardog
I liked your rispetto-well done, but very sad. I am sorry you missed out on that bonding experience with your father. I'm also sorry for your mom's accident. Not a good experience, but well told in this poem. The ryhming and flow were well done and I wish you luck.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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I liked your rispetto-well done, but very sad. I am sorry you missed out on that bonding experience with your father. I'm also sorry for your mom's accident. Not a good experience, but well told in this poem. The ryhming and flow were well done and I wish you luck.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Thank you for a good review. I appreciate it immensely.
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You are welcome!!
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Hi Alvin,
Good job with your horse poem. Thank you for sharing a very different perspective. Many were the time when I was a youngster that I went sailing through the air off the back of a horse and landed in the dust, but, lucky for me, nothing was hurt but my pride. seriously hurt (just my pr
I know, though, many people have been injured especially if they are not an experienced rider and they are on a animal that is not well broken. When that happens, I can well understand there would be a bitter taste left in one's mouth. As always, your poem is well structured and enjoyable. Hugs, Whizpurr ^-^
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Hi Alvin,
Good job with your horse poem. Thank you for sharing a very different perspective. Many were the time when I was a youngster that I went sailing through the air off the back of a horse and landed in the dust, but, lucky for me, nothing was hurt but my pride. seriously hurt (just my pr
I know, though, many people have been injured especially if they are not an experienced rider and they are on a animal that is not well broken. When that happens, I can well understand there would be a bitter taste left in one's mouth. As always, your poem is well structured and enjoyable. Hugs, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Actually, my mother was an experienced rider. The horse just got nervous for some reason--I have no idea why. Thanks for a great review.
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Actually, my mother was an experienced rider. The horse just got nervous (he may not have been well broken in) for some reason--I have no idea why. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Realist101
Oh I am sad to hear this Alvin...what an absolute shame...I have been thrown several times, and have been lucky, SO FAR. The worst was a green broke mare, she sent me sailing up and over her head as we went down a small hill, I measured the distance later, and I went almost 35 feet...but landed in soft loam dirt...I was furious, and wanted to shoot her. But sold her, and bought another. It is too long a story, but we have "people" around us here, that are trying to ruin our 3 horses, by throwing rocks at them, and the metal barn, so when we ride, they will be afraid of everything...usually when a horse acts that way, they have been mishandled by someone...or just not trained, I am very sorry. Horses are the joy of my life, but as I age, I realize that someday they will have to be replaced by a safer hobby...If your Mother is alive, please tell her someone is thinking of her...God's speed Alvin...Susan
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Oh I am sad to hear this Alvin...what an absolute shame...I have been thrown several times, and have been lucky, SO FAR. The worst was a green broke mare, she sent me sailing up and over her head as we went down a small hill, I measured the distance later, and I went almost 35 feet...but landed in soft loam dirt...I was furious, and wanted to shoot her. But sold her, and bought another. It is too long a story, but we have "people" around us here, that are trying to ruin our 3 horses, by throwing rocks at them, and the metal barn, so when we ride, they will be afraid of everything...usually when a horse acts that way, they have been mishandled by someone...or just not trained, I am very sorry. Horses are the joy of my life, but as I age, I realize that someday they will have to be replaced by a safer hobby...If your Mother is alive, please tell her someone is thinking of her...God's speed Alvin...Susan
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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My mother died in 2002; she had a long good full life. It's just that my father loved to go horseback riding and he wouldn't do anything without my mother, and she would not get on a horse again. Thanks for a great review.
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My mother died in 2002; she had a long good full life. It's just that my father loved to go horseback riding and he wouldn't do anything without my mother, and she would not get on a horse again. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from EllieKaye
Wow--what a story! That is sad that your father chose not to ride again--especially since you did not get that chance to have him show you how. I'm glad your mtoher lived through it though. Well done poem. I feel like I have just read a short story...
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Wow--what a story! That is sad that your father chose not to ride again--especially since you did not get that chance to have him show you how. I'm glad your mtoher lived through it though. Well done poem. I feel like I have just read a short story...
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thanks. I used to be very verbose and now I find I can pack a story into a poem. I think it's years of writing haiku and now rispettos that has forced me to be concise. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from StevenJosephBruening
Hmmm... alvin:
This poem has very Equus theme to it, even though it is based on your life.... Reads well and flows well. Hugs!
~ Steven
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Hmmm... alvin:
This poem has very Equus theme to it, even though it is based on your life.... Reads well and flows well. Hugs!
~ Steven
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thanks for a good review. For clarification, what do you mean by an Equus theme?
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the play by Peter Schaeffer... Equus
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Oh, I have never read it; I need to. Am I right in remember there is a sexual element to the story?
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I mean remembering, of course.
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Yes... based on actual events.. of a kids who had sexual thing for horses and blinded six of them in the process.
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Correct.
~ Steven
Comment from tteach
Did you, the horse that threw my mother off,
Destroy my father's life for years to come?
You seem so proud, so haughty and aloft;
Does your base mind know what I have become?
A story told within a few lines. the questions lead us to think about those incidents that alter our perceptions/lives. In this poem, the mother is thrown from a horse. The father, deeply affected, never rode again. The son didn't learn to ride with the father by his side. A domino effect.
terry
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Did you, the horse that threw my mother off,
Destroy my father's life for years to come?
You seem so proud, so haughty and aloft;
Does your base mind know what I have become?
A story told within a few lines. the questions lead us to think about those incidents that alter our perceptions/lives. In this poem, the mother is thrown from a horse. The father, deeply affected, never rode again. The son didn't learn to ride with the father by his side. A domino effect.
terry
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Yes, you caught exactly what I wanted to convey. Thank you for a superb review.
Comment from sgalletti
What an incredibly open and honest sharing of a very significant point in your life Al! I will always appreciate the bonding I was blessed to have with my own father and grieve that you were not able to experiene that for yourself. Liked the switch from a,b,a,b to rhyming couplets in the poem. Sue
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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What an incredibly open and honest sharing of a very significant point in your life Al! I will always appreciate the bonding I was blessed to have with my own father and grieve that you were not able to experiene that for yourself. Liked the switch from a,b,a,b to rhyming couplets in the poem. Sue
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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For clarification, that's the rhyme scheme for a rispetto--abab ccdd. Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written poem about a life threatening event. It has a smooth flow of words with very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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This is very well written poem about a life threatening event. It has a smooth flow of words with very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thanks for a good review.
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You're welcome, Alvin. Charlie
Comment from honeytree
Very interesting to read Alvin about this horse. I am sorry about the lack of bonding with your father, because of this horse.
A horse can have their own emotions and we can have ours.
Honeytree.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Very interesting to read Alvin about this horse. I am sorry about the lack of bonding with your father, because of this horse.
A horse can have their own emotions and we can have ours.
Honeytree.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Yes, I just wish we could communicate with animals better. Maybe some day. Thanks for a great review.
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I agree, we have many birds coming to our house for food. I wish they could talk.
Honeytree
Comment from TimidView
In general, the wording is great in this poem, but I felt an awkwardness in this line when I read it:"I was years later left in my chagrin--"
I hate to mention it because I have no suggestion as to how to fix it, but there you go. Oh, and what a sad story in the author's note!
Nice work.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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In general, the wording is great in this poem, but I felt an awkwardness in this line when I read it:"I was years later left in my chagrin--"
I hate to mention it because I have no suggestion as to how to fix it, but there you go. Oh, and what a sad story in the author's note!
Nice work.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Yes, I know. I had something different before, and it implied I was alive at the time of my mother's accident, so I worked hard to fix the chronology in the poem, and this was the best I could do with this line. Thanks for a good review.
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I have changed that line; you might want to see if it reads better.
