~Reunited~
A couple reunites....18 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
You did a very nice job with this. Great descriptionis and I especially like how you left a lot to the imagination of the reader. Great writing and a superb entry for the contest too. I found one sentence yo may want to look at:
It fell down over my soft, fresh body... you can have a soft body but 'fresh' needs the addition of something like 'smelling'...
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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You did a very nice job with this. Great descriptionis and I especially like how you left a lot to the imagination of the reader. Great writing and a superb entry for the contest too. I found one sentence yo may want to look at:
It fell down over my soft, fresh body... you can have a soft body but 'fresh' needs the addition of something like 'smelling'...
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Ok I got that, it makes good sense!! :) Thanks so much
xoxo
Comment from Sue-z-Q
Hi Heidi,
You used a nice choice of words to write this erotic tale. Your descriptions are sweet and tender, never wanton and crass or falling into the realm of porn. Love was involved which made it all the more enjoyable to read.
It's a good contest entry and I wish you good luck in the voting booth.
Sue-z-Q
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Hi Heidi,
You used a nice choice of words to write this erotic tale. Your descriptions are sweet and tender, never wanton and crass or falling into the realm of porn. Love was involved which made it all the more enjoyable to read.
It's a good contest entry and I wish you good luck in the voting booth.
Sue-z-Q
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Thank you so very much. I deeply appreciate this a lot!! xoxo
Comment from dlewis
Heidi girl...Reunited is Excellent,very enjoyable, loved every bit of it,recommend for others to read.
and you know this is my kind of reading....however first loves are always very special too...dlewis
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Heidi girl...Reunited is Excellent,very enjoyable, loved every bit of it,recommend for others to read.
and you know this is my kind of reading....however first loves are always very special too...dlewis
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Thanks for recommending this to others, I truly appreciate that. You rock gurl.....xoxo
Comment from nora arjuna
A sexy story told with an innocent voice. A nice voice but a bit on the wordy side. See some suggestions:
When I heard a knock at the door of my apartment, I was startled. - make it more active:
A knock at the door of my apartment startled me.
Without thinking, I headed to see who was knocking, NOT REALIZING I had left my robe behind.
I stood looking out the peep-hole in my purple see through nightie and I gleamed with a smile as I opened it. - too many 'I' and wordy. 'opened it' sounds like you open the nightie. try:
I looked out the peep-hole in my purple see through nightie and smiled as I opened the door.
He was holding beautiful flowers wrapped safely in plastic and gave me a smile to melt all of me. - wordy again:
He was holding beautiful flowers wrapped in plastic and gave me a melting smile.
leaving us both beyond EXHAUSTION.
I did not want him to leave so I asked him to stay THE night with me,
but no complaints. [In] fact I was ready
So when Ben [ ] me after work - missing a word there
AFTER another night of pure steamy, hot monkey sex, Ben asked if he could come back home to me.
Ben and [I] both left for work every MORNING
Hope those help and good luck!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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A sexy story told with an innocent voice. A nice voice but a bit on the wordy side. See some suggestions:
When I heard a knock at the door of my apartment, I was startled. - make it more active:
A knock at the door of my apartment startled me.
Without thinking, I headed to see who was knocking, NOT REALIZING I had left my robe behind.
I stood looking out the peep-hole in my purple see through nightie and I gleamed with a smile as I opened it. - too many 'I' and wordy. 'opened it' sounds like you open the nightie. try:
I looked out the peep-hole in my purple see through nightie and smiled as I opened the door.
He was holding beautiful flowers wrapped safely in plastic and gave me a smile to melt all of me. - wordy again:
He was holding beautiful flowers wrapped in plastic and gave me a melting smile.
leaving us both beyond EXHAUSTION.
I did not want him to leave so I asked him to stay THE night with me,
but no complaints. [In] fact I was ready
So when Ben [ ] me after work - missing a word there
AFTER another night of pure steamy, hot monkey sex, Ben asked if he could come back home to me.
Ben and [I] both left for work every MORNING
Hope those help and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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I truly appreciate your help and ways to fix this piece. I did some editing and indeed it reads much smoother. Thanks again........xoxo
Comment from fionageorge
Whew, this is so sexy, it sizzles on the page (or in this case, on the computer screen!).
I hope Ben is not just a figment of your imagination, as it sounds like he needs to hang around, a good catch, so to speak. Well, sexually anyway!
Just a little nit:
So when Ben [met?] me after work, naturally I asked him to stay with me again tonight and he did!
Good luck in the contest
Warmest regards
Marijke
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Whew, this is so sexy, it sizzles on the page (or in this case, on the computer screen!).
I hope Ben is not just a figment of your imagination, as it sounds like he needs to hang around, a good catch, so to speak. Well, sexually anyway!
Just a little nit:
So when Ben [met?] me after work, naturally I asked him to stay with me again tonight and he did!
Good luck in the contest
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Thank you so very much my friend..........xoxo
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written in your unique style of taking the reader on a erotic fantasy ride. As you point out, a relationship needs more than physical love. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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This is very well written in your unique style of taking the reader on a erotic fantasy ride. As you point out, a relationship needs more than physical love. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much my friend. I am pleased that you like this...........xoxo
Comment from Sarabran
You have written a very erotic sexy story.It is a very good one for the contest. It was written in good taste leaving a lot to the imagination. I find that sexy romantic stories always are more enjoyable if some things are left to the imagination. Sarabran :) Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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You have written a very erotic sexy story.It is a very good one for the contest. It was written in good taste leaving a lot to the imagination. I find that sexy romantic stories always are more enjoyable if some things are left to the imagination. Sarabran :) Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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I appreciate your kind, sweet words. Thank you deeply..........xoxo
Comment from missy98writer
Heidixoxo,
You've written a red hot story. Ir was tamer than mine but its excellent. You have great descriptive writing and here's an example:
"I knew in my heart at this moment how much I have missed Ben all this time, not solely for the sex either. I will never deny he was the best lover I have ever had. I don't have many to compare him too, Ben was my first and only lover and has taught me everything I know in the bedroom. He was obviously pleased with as quickly as I learned since I have never left him unhappy. In my eyes and heart, I don't want or need any other man. Ben was plenty for me."
Great entry for the purple prose contest.
missy98writer (Melissa_. I liked the art work in pencil you used.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Heidixoxo,
You've written a red hot story. Ir was tamer than mine but its excellent. You have great descriptive writing and here's an example:
"I knew in my heart at this moment how much I have missed Ben all this time, not solely for the sex either. I will never deny he was the best lover I have ever had. I don't have many to compare him too, Ben was my first and only lover and has taught me everything I know in the bedroom. He was obviously pleased with as quickly as I learned since I have never left him unhappy. In my eyes and heart, I don't want or need any other man. Ben was plenty for me."
Great entry for the purple prose contest.
missy98writer (Melissa_. I liked the art work in pencil you used.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much. I truly appreciate this comment. I must go read and find yours now. (LOL) xoxo
