Quaterns: Observations on Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Great Bursts of Golden Flowers Grow"Assorted Reflections
115 total reviews
Comment from debskatz
Hey brooke,
i think you're a rebel at heart & just refuse to stick to rules, etc. lol
very nice poem. i love the dandelions also. wildflowers are my favorite as opposed to any particular flower.
the poem is perfect iambic tetrameter & only 1 near rhyme, so pretty darn good!! thanks for sharing your favorite flower with us.
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2009
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Hey brooke,
i think you're a rebel at heart & just refuse to stick to rules, etc. lol
very nice poem. i love the dandelions also. wildflowers are my favorite as opposed to any particular flower.
the poem is perfect iambic tetrameter & only 1 near rhyme, so pretty darn good!! thanks for sharing your favorite flower with us.
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 23-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2009
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You should have seen me kick ass as a campus activist!!! I make one mean rabble-rousing speech. Thanks so much. Brooke :-)
Comment from Sassnbeauty
I shouldn't even have to tell you that you earned all stars off top. It flowed perfectly and the picture that went along with it was a very beautiful and bright sight to see.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2009
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I shouldn't even have to tell you that you earned all stars off top. It flowed perfectly and the picture that went along with it was a very beautiful and bright sight to see.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your positive review of this poem in praise of my favorite flower :) Brooke
Comment from Calanatan
Good Morning adewpearl,
I gotta tell you: my first impression of the title "Great Bursts of Golden Flowers Grow" is that it sounds like a translation from a Japanese menu (oshinagaki). :)
(I started this review a couple of days ago but did not have the time to finish it. Since then, this poem has won the contest. Congratulations! I hope my comments will still be relevant.)
I like that the name dandelion does not show up until the end; you give it it's name through description. Very nice. "...without the aid of human hand," a great hint. However, "...as sunshine pours upon the land." for some reason did not sit as well with me. Here in the Midwest USA, dandies are common all spring and summer, but it is the spring when green is just returning that the yellow heads make their mark on the awakening lawns. I think this line would be better to incorporate that, rather than the generic "sunshine pours upon the land." Vague, it feels.
The second stanza could describe the Summer attributes of dandelions--fewer but with longer leaves and taller heads, restricted to edges and unplowed fields. But that would be to rewrite your poem. Just a thought.... Anyway, when I read the second stanza, I DO get a feeling of summer rather than spring, so what I said above seems a natural path for the poem to take. "a gift of glory, made for me" is, of course, about YOU, not the flowers. Too soon. Let the flowers be the stars here, describe another aspect of them, drop more hints about what flower you are writing about. Keep me guessing, and involved.
In stanza three, "where gracious soil provides abode," is kinda wrong. They don't need "gracious" soil; they'll grow just about anywhere. Here instead of "gracious" you could drop your final hint, remarking perhaps about how they DO grow anywhere and anyplace, mostly unwanted and usually unappreciated.
And stanza four is a very nice wrap-up.
By the way--they're weeds!!!! LOL! Just kidding.... Check my yard out in the Spring; you'll think I wrote this poem.
Best Wishes,
Calanatan
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2009
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Good Morning adewpearl,
I gotta tell you: my first impression of the title "Great Bursts of Golden Flowers Grow" is that it sounds like a translation from a Japanese menu (oshinagaki). :)
(I started this review a couple of days ago but did not have the time to finish it. Since then, this poem has won the contest. Congratulations! I hope my comments will still be relevant.)
I like that the name dandelion does not show up until the end; you give it it's name through description. Very nice. "...without the aid of human hand," a great hint. However, "...as sunshine pours upon the land." for some reason did not sit as well with me. Here in the Midwest USA, dandies are common all spring and summer, but it is the spring when green is just returning that the yellow heads make their mark on the awakening lawns. I think this line would be better to incorporate that, rather than the generic "sunshine pours upon the land." Vague, it feels.
The second stanza could describe the Summer attributes of dandelions--fewer but with longer leaves and taller heads, restricted to edges and unplowed fields. But that would be to rewrite your poem. Just a thought.... Anyway, when I read the second stanza, I DO get a feeling of summer rather than spring, so what I said above seems a natural path for the poem to take. "a gift of glory, made for me" is, of course, about YOU, not the flowers. Too soon. Let the flowers be the stars here, describe another aspect of them, drop more hints about what flower you are writing about. Keep me guessing, and involved.
In stanza three, "where gracious soil provides abode," is kinda wrong. They don't need "gracious" soil; they'll grow just about anywhere. Here instead of "gracious" you could drop your final hint, remarking perhaps about how they DO grow anywhere and anyplace, mostly unwanted and usually unappreciated.
And stanza four is a very nice wrap-up.
By the way--they're weeds!!!! LOL! Just kidding.... Check my yard out in the Spring; you'll think I wrote this poem.
Best Wishes,
Calanatan
Comment Written 23-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2009
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Thanks, Calantan, for your attentive and thoughtful feedback.
I've never read a Japanese menu before, but they must be fun if that title sounds like it would be a menu item. :-)
I've loved these weeds since a toddler picking them in my lawn. What the heck makes something a weed anyway? Brooke :-)
Comment from BethShelby
I love to see the meadows ablaze with yellow from the dandelions. It is truly beautiful. Unfortunately they also bloom where I don't want to see them. One day my front yard is a beautiful yellow and the next day I have all these puff balls of seeds carried by the wind assuring me that I won't be able to get rid of them. Your poem is great. Congratulations on winning the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2009
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I love to see the meadows ablaze with yellow from the dandelions. It is truly beautiful. Unfortunately they also bloom where I don't want to see them. One day my front yard is a beautiful yellow and the next day I have all these puff balls of seeds carried by the wind assuring me that I won't be able to get rid of them. Your poem is great. Congratulations on winning the contest.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2009
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thank you, Beth - this was a fun win since it vindicates the lowly dandelion!!! LOL Brooke :-)
Comment from dragonpoet
It is ironic that you find the dandelion beautiful,when most find it a nuisance. You make us forget it is a weed not a flower that we want growing in our lawn or garden.
I see no errors.
Keep writing.
dragonpowt
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2009
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It is ironic that you find the dandelion beautiful,when most find it a nuisance. You make us forget it is a weed not a flower that we want growing in our lawn or garden.
I see no errors.
Keep writing.
dragonpowt
Comment Written 22-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2009
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Hey, it has petals, it's a pretty color, it's on a stem with leaves, it attracts bees with its nectar - I'm not sure who decided that makes it NOT a flower! LOL Thanks so much, Brooke :-)
Comment from Nicnac
Stunning poetry, Brooke!
I also love dandelions. :)
My son, when he was little, used to pick me dandelions and buttercups and 'vase' them in Dixie cups for the kitchen table centerpiece. His sweet gestures pricked my heart and have caused me to favor these over the most exotic of flowers.
(Of course, the daisy is still my favorite.) LOL
This is gorgeous. I love every single line.
Wonderful visions and fragrances filled my mind as I read this delightful quatern.
Nic
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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Stunning poetry, Brooke!
I also love dandelions. :)
My son, when he was little, used to pick me dandelions and buttercups and 'vase' them in Dixie cups for the kitchen table centerpiece. His sweet gestures pricked my heart and have caused me to favor these over the most exotic of flowers.
(Of course, the daisy is still my favorite.) LOL
This is gorgeous. I love every single line.
Wonderful visions and fragrances filled my mind as I read this delightful quatern.
Nic
Comment Written 21-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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Thank you, Nic - I'm so glad this connects with such great memories - you, I, and many millions of moms, I suspect, have had that heartwarming bouquet offered to us from a precious child. You are most kind and generous :-) You are also frugal with your sixes - I've never had one left on a Saturday night! LOL Brooke
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You're welcome, Brooke. LOL! Sometimes I don't use my sixers at all. I save them for the bestest of the best. LOL ;)
Comment from Jmercer
I am astounded. You took a prompt that could have (and in many cases did) produce trite rhymes and created a classic. Both the rhyme and meter in this poem are well done and I like the repetition of "where bursts of golden flowers grow"
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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I am astounded. You took a prompt that could have (and in many cases did) produce trite rhymes and created a classic. Both the rhyme and meter in this poem are well done and I like the repetition of "where bursts of golden flowers grow"
Comment Written 21-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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Thank you so very much, Jeannie. I so appreciate this most generous review and such kind comments. I try so hard to avoid trite rhymes since I write mostly rhyming poems, so that compliment means a great deal to me, in particular :-)
Comment from Joyce L.
As much as the dandelions trickers my allergies, I can't help but love the colors and the wildness that they bring to nature. This poem was enjoyed and fun to read.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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As much as the dandelions trickers my allergies, I can't help but love the colors and the wildness that they bring to nature. This poem was enjoyed and fun to read.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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Thanks so much, Joyce - I truly appreciate your kind response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from laren
A nice poem which tell us about the dandelion flowers. It bring to my mind the picture of a golden land in autumn.
Very well written! It has wonderful rhymes and rhythm.
Congratulations and good luck in the contest!
Laren
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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A nice poem which tell us about the dandelion flowers. It bring to my mind the picture of a golden land in autumn.
Very well written! It has wonderful rhymes and rhythm.
Congratulations and good luck in the contest!
Laren
Comment Written 21-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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Thank you, Laren - I truly appreciate your thoughtful comments and kind contest wishes :-) Brooke
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Thank you for sharing your poem. I realy enjoyed reading it.
Laren
Comment from djyarrum
Adewpearl, you have a good one here. I was out there with you as your excellent choice of words created an image of which I am well familiar, haveing traveled the mid coast of Western Australia in October/November on several occasions...if you want to see Natures true garden venture there one day. A most enjoyable read, good choice of language and the rhyming was great. Regards David.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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Adewpearl, you have a good one here. I was out there with you as your excellent choice of words created an image of which I am well familiar, haveing traveled the mid coast of Western Australia in October/November on several occasions...if you want to see Natures true garden venture there one day. A most enjoyable read, good choice of language and the rhyming was great. Regards David.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2009
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thanks so much, David - I so appreciate your kind comments about this poem. I would LOVE to see all of the animals and plants in Australia, a life-long dream :-) Brooke
