Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "That Animal Just Attacked Me!"Some bloodlines run very deep.
22 total reviews
Comment from AliSmith
An interesting situation. You portrayed the Black Ops people well. They seemed very cold. The lack of memory for Lori and Stan provided an intersting dilemna. Can't wait to see how that works out.
A few things to consider:
stood and walked to the door, his partner followed - 2 sentences connected with just a comma
After a gut splitting dinner they all took - add comma after dinner to set off introductory phrase
a tall glass of red wine, then fell on the sofa and - remove comma or add subject to tell and watched
Through a crack in the doorway he noticed - add comma after doorway to set off introductory phrase
He's not even human, he's some kind of monster - 2 sentences connected with just a comma
Nice job.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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An interesting situation. You portrayed the Black Ops people well. They seemed very cold. The lack of memory for Lori and Stan provided an intersting dilemna. Can't wait to see how that works out.
A few things to consider:
stood and walked to the door, his partner followed - 2 sentences connected with just a comma
After a gut splitting dinner they all took - add comma after dinner to set off introductory phrase
a tall glass of red wine, then fell on the sofa and - remove comma or add subject to tell and watched
Through a crack in the doorway he noticed - add comma after doorway to set off introductory phrase
He's not even human, he's some kind of monster - 2 sentences connected with just a comma
Nice job.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review, AliSmith. I will print this out and put your helpful suggestions to good use. Thanks again!
Comment from jayesnb
The imagery at the beginning of the chapter was excellent. Was a little bummed that the great imagery didn't carry on. Was an enjoyable read though and paced well. Will definitely read previous and latter chapters.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2009
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The imagery at the beginning of the chapter was excellent. Was a little bummed that the great imagery didn't carry on. Was an enjoyable read though and paced well. Will definitely read previous and latter chapters.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review!
Comment from Rama Rao
The chapter held my attention and interest throughout. There is no doubt that the story has come across vividly. The dialogues were powerful, peppery and to the point. I think the book will be a good read eventually. When I see the Recognition symbol at the end I feel diffident to point out anything that I think needs a bit of looking into. However, I am taking the risk and pointing out the following. 1.Para 1 - was broken when a knock.. 2.Closest -the closer one as there were only two of them 3.One of the men, the quiet one-the quieter one(as used later).
I am positive that this book will hit the stands soon and stand out.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2009
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The chapter held my attention and interest throughout. There is no doubt that the story has come across vividly. The dialogues were powerful, peppery and to the point. I think the book will be a good read eventually. When I see the Recognition symbol at the end I feel diffident to point out anything that I think needs a bit of looking into. However, I am taking the risk and pointing out the following. 1.Para 1 - was broken when a knock.. 2.Closest -the closer one as there were only two of them 3.One of the men, the quiet one-the quieter one(as used later).
I am positive that this book will hit the stands soon and stand out.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for this wounderful and encouraging review and helpful suggestions. I'll take a look.
Comment from gene_ink
Well written chapter, NightWriter, which showed strong editing skills. Your description of the special police evoked anger in the reader. It was easy to picture the events from those descriptions. Job well done.
Gene
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2009
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Well written chapter, NightWriter, which showed strong editing skills. Your description of the special police evoked anger in the reader. It was easy to picture the events from those descriptions. Job well done.
Gene
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review, Gene. I'm still working on improving those story telling skills. Story telling is like riding on a magical carpet through a world of imagination. If done well, the experience is a memorable one. That is the kind of tale I try to tell here. Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and encouragement. I deeply appreciate it, especially with this chapter when there was no money or points on it.
Steve
Comment from Realist101
Hi there, wow, this is compelling, I have to read the rest of these chapters...I like your style too Steve, I now see why you win contests and have lots of fans... :), very good story, as soon as I get my entrys done, I promise to read more of your work...this story is great, I love UFO, and vamps...anything creepy...and the cops are the creepiest of the creepy... Smiles! Susan
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2009
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Hi there, wow, this is compelling, I have to read the rest of these chapters...I like your style too Steve, I now see why you win contests and have lots of fans... :), very good story, as soon as I get my entrys done, I promise to read more of your work...this story is great, I love UFO, and vamps...anything creepy...and the cops are the creepiest of the creepy... Smiles! Susan
Comment Written 08-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review, Susan! A lot of fun things and situations get thrown at these characters, LOL. The story has taken on a life of its own. :)
Comment from Jonez08
Well so much for Raul bringing their memory bite, another great chapter, this should be interesting!!
(The orange glow from the setting) sun bathed the winding trail and sparkling waterfalls of the lazy river in various shades of red and orange.
(suggestion: The orange glow from the approaching sunset)
Seagulls with their wings spread wide quietly soared through the early evening air(,) screeching in search of their last meal.
The other man stepped closer and sat next to him across from her and looked deep into her eyes.
(you may want to find a different way to say this)
Sometimes I would bite her neck at night. That brought us real close."
(LOL)
Christine turned and walked out(,) followed by John and several police officers.
Cassandra
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2009
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Well so much for Raul bringing their memory bite, another great chapter, this should be interesting!!
(The orange glow from the setting) sun bathed the winding trail and sparkling waterfalls of the lazy river in various shades of red and orange.
(suggestion: The orange glow from the approaching sunset)
Seagulls with their wings spread wide quietly soared through the early evening air(,) screeching in search of their last meal.
The other man stepped closer and sat next to him across from her and looked deep into her eyes.
(you may want to find a different way to say this)
Sometimes I would bite her neck at night. That brought us real close."
(LOL)
Christine turned and walked out(,) followed by John and several police officers.
Cassandra
Comment Written 21-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much for this wonderful and very helpful review, Cassandra. All of your excellent suggestions here have been put to good use. :)
Comment from misscookie
To be trueful I dont usually read this tupe of stories but this one got my attention . I just hope i dont have nightmares after readig it. this story has everything to keep a reader on the edge of their chair..
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2009
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To be trueful I dont usually read this tupe of stories but this one got my attention . I just hope i dont have nightmares after readig it. this story has everything to keep a reader on the edge of their chair..
Comment Written 19-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review! It's been a lot of fun. :)
Comment from L.lora
Oh dear, Stan definitely has
a problem on his hands. Excellently
written and presented. An intense
read that details how far the
government can/does go in their
efforts to control all things.
Not a far stretch from the truth; me thinks.
Anyway, strong storyline and equally
strong dialogue/commentary to match.
Flows easily moving the reader right
along. The tension is kept high, very
exciting and now we must wait for
another post. No spags or nits.. :)Lora
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2009
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Oh dear, Stan definitely has
a problem on his hands. Excellently
written and presented. An intense
read that details how far the
government can/does go in their
efforts to control all things.
Not a far stretch from the truth; me thinks.
Anyway, strong storyline and equally
strong dialogue/commentary to match.
Flows easily moving the reader right
along. The tension is kept high, very
exciting and now we must wait for
another post. No spags or nits.. :)Lora
Comment Written 17-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful and very appreciated review, Lora! :) Tension is good and there's a lot more on the way, LOL.
Comment from Vladilynn
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHh noooooo!!!!!! what!!!!!? I thought their mind will be back!!? How come!! nothing happened!!?
Poor Stan! He is very shock I bet! Ohhh..hurry Steve!! I want to read more!!
Thank you and will be waiting okay?
Love much
Lynn:0)
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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OHHHHHHHHHHHHHh noooooo!!!!!! what!!!!!? I thought their mind will be back!!? How come!! nothing happened!!?
Poor Stan! He is very shock I bet! Ohhh..hurry Steve!! I want to read more!!
Thank you and will be waiting okay?
Love much
Lynn:0)
Comment Written 17-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review Lynn! Yes, good old Raul set Stan up. Secretly, him and his father want Stan to leave Earth and what better way than to give Stan little reason to stay. But Stan will fight back!
Comment from Nightwind
Very well written. The dialogue and story flow. Great imagery. I especially loved the opening paragraph. Terse and powerful writing. Good job,
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Very well written. The dialogue and story flow. Great imagery. I especially loved the opening paragraph. Terse and powerful writing. Good job,
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much Nightwind! Yes, the beginning was among my favorites. :)
