Legal Tendencies
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Sex, Stress & Sleep"Two attorney's fall in love....
7 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
Actually, a longer and more full chapter than before, and you are putting some interesting story-parts in here!
I like the better descriptions of Steven, and his very human reactions.
Good job, Irish
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Actually, a longer and more full chapter than before, and you are putting some interesting story-parts in here!
I like the better descriptions of Steven, and his very human reactions.
Good job, Irish
Comment Written 15-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much my friend......xoxo
Comment from r.voza
two things - first, it's not at all necessary to have such an explicit description of a blow job in this story.
second - I LOVED IT!
thanks ;)
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2009
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two things - first, it's not at all necessary to have such an explicit description of a blow job in this story.
second - I LOVED IT!
thanks ;)
Comment Written 14-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2009
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LOL...glad you enjoyed that part!!!! xoxo
Comment from Sasha
Nicely written and definitely a well needed break from all the stress and tension of preparing for the trial. I found one sentence you might want to look at:
He was determined in getting Adam locked up for his remaining life on earth, which he deserved ... would sound better if you just said .... He was determined to get Adam locked up for the rest of his life... no need to add more.
Nice work with this one.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2009
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Nicely written and definitely a well needed break from all the stress and tension of preparing for the trial. I found one sentence you might want to look at:
He was determined in getting Adam locked up for his remaining life on earth, which he deserved ... would sound better if you just said .... He was determined to get Adam locked up for the rest of his life... no need to add more.
Nice work with this one.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much Smurph....You know how much I value your opinions.........xoxo
Comment from Brendajay
You have a good steamy sex scene here and you have moved the story along to the next chapter. There are some sentence structure and grammar mistakes however. Here are a few:
"needed a plan. With Adam's trial only days away, we worked hard getting all documents" (needs "the" in front of documents)
He was determined in getting Adam (should be "to get" in getting)
once he was comfortable he situated my cover and we were all covered again. (this is awkward) revise.
There are several more- just need to revise and use good English. Thanks for the story! Keep writing!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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You have a good steamy sex scene here and you have moved the story along to the next chapter. There are some sentence structure and grammar mistakes however. Here are a few:
"needed a plan. With Adam's trial only days away, we worked hard getting all documents" (needs "the" in front of documents)
He was determined in getting Adam (should be "to get" in getting)
once he was comfortable he situated my cover and we were all covered again. (this is awkward) revise.
There are several more- just need to revise and use good English. Thanks for the story! Keep writing!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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Thank you very much......xoxo
Comment from kukarad70
Dear Heidixoxo,
What you will do Heidixoxo throughout your mature fiction "Chapter 15: Sex Stress & Sleep" I knew what is called love and its maximum desire sex which makes people blind which is here in this line "This scum had ruined many lives including my sister's so now this case had become my personal business" even though no one can ignore this. According to your fiction, chapter 15 you are also blindly relaxing with Steven, in the time you didn't realized and later you said "Steven and I woke to a feeling of confusion since we thought we would only take a small nap!" however it was small or big snap but you were in full relaxed. This is natural thing but you must be careful with the situation and your condition in what time you are proper having this. Hopefully the message I have learned from your writing and I will go ahead reading your chapters and will write what I feel in your writing. Good writing and effective, take care more and more. Kamal
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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Dear Heidixoxo,
What you will do Heidixoxo throughout your mature fiction "Chapter 15: Sex Stress & Sleep" I knew what is called love and its maximum desire sex which makes people blind which is here in this line "This scum had ruined many lives including my sister's so now this case had become my personal business" even though no one can ignore this. According to your fiction, chapter 15 you are also blindly relaxing with Steven, in the time you didn't realized and later you said "Steven and I woke to a feeling of confusion since we thought we would only take a small nap!" however it was small or big snap but you were in full relaxed. This is natural thing but you must be careful with the situation and your condition in what time you are proper having this. Hopefully the message I have learned from your writing and I will go ahead reading your chapters and will write what I feel in your writing. Good writing and effective, take care more and more. Kamal
Comment Written 13-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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I am slightly confused by your comment, leaving me to wonder if you enjoyed this or not? (lol) However, I am happy and grateful for you stopping in to read this. I value everyones opinions so thak you very much. xoxo
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I have enjoyed from your writing and you see Heidixoxo writing comment is after many times revision what the reader understands that's the thing he or she will write. The review which I have written I hope I have reached up to your feelings what you are trying to give. From next time more better I will try to give you my review. Thank you very much Heidixoxo it is necessary to alert. I really appreciate you and wish you all the best and pray might get power to move your pen more fast in writing field. Bye and take care.
Kamal
Comment from c_lucas
Since this is mostly narrative, keep it that way.
I will share with you my method of reviewing.
Five Questions:
1. Is the work well written?.
2. Is there any mistakes in mechanics.?
3. Can you place yourself into the story. (Good Imagery)
4. Can you visualize the story (Descriptive Scheme)
5. Leave a word of encouragement.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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Since this is mostly narrative, keep it that way.
I will share with you my method of reviewing.
Five Questions:
1. Is the work well written?.
2. Is there any mistakes in mechanics.?
3. Can you place yourself into the story. (Good Imagery)
4. Can you visualize the story (Descriptive Scheme)
5. Leave a word of encouragement.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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WOW, I really like this method. Seems like such a good way and still treating each story or writing privatley.....xoxo
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You're welcome, Heidi. Charlie
Comment from annienolan
Well written. Very provocative and stimulates the senses. Still very creative and yet thoughtfully written. Good work. Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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Well written. Very provocative and stimulates the senses. Still very creative and yet thoughtfully written. Good work. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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Awe, thank you so much! I am pleased you are enjoying this....xoxo
