Legal Tendencies
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "My Christmas Gifts...."Two attorney's fall in love....
9 total reviews
Comment from empire76
Trying to catch up...
- I truly felt [that] I was having a dream that I would
you can do without the first THAT
- ...more romantic than usual if that were possible.
(uh, anything to do with the ring? Sorry couldn't help this one. LOL)
- As my feet were resting on his shoulders,
You can cut one word by changing 'were resting' to 'rested'
- Not being able to hold back any longer,
Here too, 'not being' can be converted to 'unable'
- 'Merry Christmas baby. I love you(,)' and fell fast asleep.
Comma needed
Empi
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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Trying to catch up...
- I truly felt [that] I was having a dream that I would
you can do without the first THAT
- ...more romantic than usual if that were possible.
(uh, anything to do with the ring? Sorry couldn't help this one. LOL)
- As my feet were resting on his shoulders,
You can cut one word by changing 'were resting' to 'rested'
- Not being able to hold back any longer,
Here too, 'not being' can be converted to 'unable'
- 'Merry Christmas baby. I love you(,)' and fell fast asleep.
Comma needed
Empi
Comment Written 13-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much!!!!!! xoxo
Comment from mshugh
Interesting write. Well done
A few minor suggestions, if I could be so presumptious. The imagery you spin is powerful, but could be enahnced with dialogue - it would further enhance the mood of the reader and allow them to visualize the scene and protagonists more.
Think of the books that you like to read. I will bet you that you enjoy the books interspersed with dialogue versus those with long descriptive passages
That's just a suggestion. If you'd like more, please let me know
Michael
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Interesting write. Well done
A few minor suggestions, if I could be so presumptious. The imagery you spin is powerful, but could be enahnced with dialogue - it would further enhance the mood of the reader and allow them to visualize the scene and protagonists more.
Think of the books that you like to read. I will bet you that you enjoy the books interspersed with dialogue versus those with long descriptive passages
That's just a suggestion. If you'd like more, please let me know
Michael
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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I do appreciate your comments and advice. If you have more suggestions, feel free to let me know. Thx in advance.....xoxo
Comment from Lisha L
Wow, erotically written and I agree, what more can a girl ask for? I am curious to see where you go with the story line as this chapter does not seem to have to hook it needs to pull you into reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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Wow, erotically written and I agree, what more can a girl ask for? I am curious to see where you go with the story line as this chapter does not seem to have to hook it needs to pull you into reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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LOL....thanks so much. xoxo
Comment from c_lucas
This is a much stronger chapter than the provious one. You kept everything in orderd and had a real strong finishing. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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This is a much stronger chapter than the provious one. You kept everything in orderd and had a real strong finishing. This is very well written.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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I am pleased you liked this better. I truly appreciate that.....xoxo
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You're welcome, Heidi. Charlie
Comment from irishauthorme
Hello, Santa! What a great couple of presents, right there under the tree!
I liked the way that they teased each other, and the way that they each retaliated!
A good chapter!
Irish
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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Hello, Santa! What a great couple of presents, right there under the tree!
I liked the way that they teased each other, and the way that they each retaliated!
A good chapter!
Irish
Comment Written 10-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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Thank you so very my friend......xoxo
Comment from raimie
what a great christmas gift..did he buy it at jerrod's?.. just kidding. First chptr i have read and i already like the direction.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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what a great christmas gift..did he buy it at jerrod's?.. just kidding. First chptr i have read and i already like the direction.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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LOL....who knows where he bought it but he did good, right?? Thx for commenting.........xoxo
Comment from Sasha
This is very well written, filled with marvelous descriptions of sensual and delicious lovemaking. However,, I feel you need to move into the actual plot. I enjoy the love scenes and have no problem with them other than at some point there needs to be more than just their relationship. How does it affect their relationship at work, what type of problems can having this relationship cause. This needs to be more than just a well written, sensual story of two lovers meeting.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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This is very well written, filled with marvelous descriptions of sensual and delicious lovemaking. However,, I feel you need to move into the actual plot. I enjoy the love scenes and have no problem with them other than at some point there needs to be more than just their relationship. How does it affect their relationship at work, what type of problems can having this relationship cause. This needs to be more than just a well written, sensual story of two lovers meeting.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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I agree totally so I will see what I can do with that. Thanks for sharing your opinion and comments. xoxo
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Thanks, I ws concerned you might be upset with me. I think it is a great story but just needs to proceed to the seconary plot a little sooner.
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Upset?? Silly gurl not at all!! I truly and honestly appreciate your opinions and value your advice. Therefore that brings me to ask you, what exactly should I do to fix this problem?? Have any fantastic ideas for me?? lol
xoxo
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It depends on what your plot includes. If you decide to move it along in a future chatper, there is no problem. The readers will be able to follow without any confusion. If you feel you need to change it in a previous chapter go ahead and do it then inform the readers in your notes the changes you made to keep them uptodate as to what is going on. I did this in my book when I decided to change the age of my main character back in the first chapter, I was already on chapter 15 or 16 and simply made the changers an informed the readers in my notes. Now if you are asking what the problems of having a love affair should be, that is different. You can have them working on a case that for some reason her being involved would be a conflict of interest. Having an affair could also pose a problem and cause him to potentially have a conflict of interest. You can have something in his or her past come up to ause some sort of problem with a case. Possibly she is an ex-girlfriend or something like that. You can even have them have a disagreement about taking on a case because she knows something about the client that concerns her. It is not necessary for a client to be innocent for someone one to defend them but it can cause problems within the office between attorneys. You can have a co-worker who is jealous and tries to sabatage the affair by spreading rummors. The possibllities are endless. Hope I helped a little.
Comment from Teri7
This is another very good chapter you have penned. What a great Christmas present to have two orgasms. Very good wording. Hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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This is another very good chapter you have penned. What a great Christmas present to have two orgasms. Very good wording. Hugs, Teri
Comment Written 10-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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LOL....thanks again my friend. It truly means a lot to me....xoxo
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hugs
Comment from mcoberly
WOW! Now this was an exciting and arousing story for me. I loved it. I found myself clinging to my chair on each word, as if I were her and I was watching the tree lights sparkling on my new ring.
I really found myself drenched in this story and it was great from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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WOW! Now this was an exciting and arousing story for me. I loved it. I found myself clinging to my chair on each word, as if I were her and I was watching the tree lights sparkling on my new ring.
I really found myself drenched in this story and it was great from beginning to end.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2009
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Thank you so very much an di am flattered you enjoyed it. More to come very soon if you are interested (lol) xoxo
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Thank you...I would be very interested in reading your next work of art :)
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I would be honored and grateful if you kept readin gand let me kow honestly what you think. I am brand new at this whole erotic/romance thing......LOL xoxo
