Legal Tendencies
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Unexpected Surprise"Two attorney's fall in love....
7 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Heidi
I like the story but your chapters are so short and move so quickly from one step to the next with out much dialogue
Enjoyable but I'm not certain about how short it is.
Carol
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2009
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Heidi
I like the story but your chapters are so short and move so quickly from one step to the next with out much dialogue
Enjoyable but I'm not certain about how short it is.
Carol
Comment Written 08-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2009
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I will try and make things alittle longer some how. Thank you
xoxo
Comment from empire76
- Being that I am not one to get wasted and close the bar down, making a fool of myself, being at home relaxing, kept me content.
The double use of 'being' here doesn't add any effect. Would be better to restructure and get rid of one.
- The whole episode with Steven this afternoon has been weighing heavily on my mind, leaving me quite puzzled
Be consistent with the tenses so the reader doesn't get confused
- I tip-toed towards the door quietly as I was not ...
tiptoeing gived the idea of 'quietness' so you don't need to mention 'quietly'
- Standing on my porch was Steven [and] trying to act nonchalant, I couldn't let him fast enough!
Two things, this is a line that reads odd and should probably be split. Also, that and could be replaced with a comma to improve the flow. As in:
Standing on my porch was Steven, trying to act nonchalant. I couldn't let him fast enough.
Empi
he and Alexa finally hooked up in some fashion by nights end.
I knew he was upset, although I admit I found it to be funny.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2009
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- Being that I am not one to get wasted and close the bar down, making a fool of myself, being at home relaxing, kept me content.
The double use of 'being' here doesn't add any effect. Would be better to restructure and get rid of one.
- The whole episode with Steven this afternoon has been weighing heavily on my mind, leaving me quite puzzled
Be consistent with the tenses so the reader doesn't get confused
- I tip-toed towards the door quietly as I was not ...
tiptoeing gived the idea of 'quietness' so you don't need to mention 'quietly'
- Standing on my porch was Steven [and] trying to act nonchalant, I couldn't let him fast enough!
Two things, this is a line that reads odd and should probably be split. Also, that and could be replaced with a comma to improve the flow. As in:
Standing on my porch was Steven, trying to act nonchalant. I couldn't let him fast enough.
Empi
he and Alexa finally hooked up in some fashion by nights end.
I knew he was upset, although I admit I found it to be funny.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2009
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Thanks so much for the editing part. I also trult appreciate your comments. xoxo
Comment from irishauthorme
Ooo, I have to hurry here, I can't wait to see what happens next! This is a fast moving story, and I like reading this lady's mind!
Are you keeping these chapters short just to tease us, or are you splitting your story up into small bits?
Good job!
Irish
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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Ooo, I have to hurry here, I can't wait to see what happens next! This is a fast moving story, and I like reading this lady's mind!
Are you keeping these chapters short just to tease us, or are you splitting your story up into small bits?
Good job!
Irish
Comment Written 06-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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LOL....I am so glad you like this. I am keeping the chapters small for a few reasons but one is to keep you coming back for more!! :) More to come tonight. xoxo
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Ha ha, you are a tease! :) Enjoy reading your story!
Irish
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written chapter with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
I couldn't let him (in) fast enough!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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This is a very well written chapter with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
I couldn't let him (in) fast enough!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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Thanks so much, you know how much I value your opinion....xoxo
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You're welcome, Heidi. Charlie
Comment from Sasha
This is moving along quite nicely. I am enjoying the build up and look forward to how you handle the actual connection. You portray her as an intelligent and attractive woman and he certainly comes across as appealing and quite the catch too. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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This is moving along quite nicely. I am enjoying the build up and look forward to how you handle the actual connection. You portray her as an intelligent and attractive woman and he certainly comes across as appealing and quite the catch too. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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I am so flattered that you are enjoying this. It does get quite a bit steamy in the upcoming chapters, but hopefully all done with class. xoxo
Comment from Dr.Awkward
This read smoothly and captured my interest immediatly.If I have the time, I will try and read it from the beginning.
I was a little confused by this sentence...
[Standing on my porch was Steven and trying to act nonchalant, I couldn't let him fast enough] Who was trying to act? I assume it was you. (Standing on my fromt porch was Steven, I was trying to act nonchalant, but I couldn't let him in fast enough!) just a suggestion.
I think "hard on" is one word, but I am not sure if anyone made a rule about that particular saying ;)
thanks for sharing !!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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This read smoothly and captured my interest immediatly.If I have the time, I will try and read it from the beginning.
I was a little confused by this sentence...
[Standing on my porch was Steven and trying to act nonchalant, I couldn't let him fast enough] Who was trying to act? I assume it was you. (Standing on my fromt porch was Steven, I was trying to act nonchalant, but I couldn't let him in fast enough!) just a suggestion.
I think "hard on" is one word, but I am not sure if anyone made a rule about that particular saying ;)
thanks for sharing !!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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Thank you for the great comment and high rating!! I like your suggestion so I may have to try it out. As far as "hard on"...no clue if its one or two words?? Hmmmm
xoxo
Comment from jmdg1954
I can't wait to see where this goes when the "lip lock" ends... a good continuation to the previous 3 writings in your story. Looking forward.... John
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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I can't wait to see where this goes when the "lip lock" ends... a good continuation to the previous 3 writings in your story. Looking forward.... John
Comment Written 06-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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I am so glad you are enjoying my writing. I hope it doesnt let you doen, but there is much more to come daily so stay tuned. LOL xoxo
