Dear Lexi
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Extraordinary Women""Let the little children come unto me." ~ Jesus
10 total reviews
Comment from Lady & Louis
Hello, dear Baroness, how goes it with you? I'm guessing your arms are healing, since you've posted this. It was a pleasure to read, both on that account and for the piece itself. I hope young Lexi appreciates this when she's older! :)
I enjoyed the description and mood you captured; the feeling of goodwill, despite the worst efforts of restless bubs and evil hotel chairs! Your observations about the young mother were also particularly interesting.
There are a few minor typos or bits of wording in need of editing:
She further expressed concerned the mother had placed the baby on the dirty conference floor while she ate without benefit of a jacket or blanket. - "concern". Is it the mother or the baby who's eating, in this situation? If it's the mother, I'd pop a comma after "ate", to make the distinction.
previously unknown to her before this day, - delete "previously", it's redundant.
It had been a lost minute addition - last
we were more than happy to assit. - assist
All in all a very engaging piece, and one I'd have enjoyed reading and reviewing even if I missed the payout, lol!
Louise xxxx
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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Hello, dear Baroness, how goes it with you? I'm guessing your arms are healing, since you've posted this. It was a pleasure to read, both on that account and for the piece itself. I hope young Lexi appreciates this when she's older! :)
I enjoyed the description and mood you captured; the feeling of goodwill, despite the worst efforts of restless bubs and evil hotel chairs! Your observations about the young mother were also particularly interesting.
There are a few minor typos or bits of wording in need of editing:
She further expressed concerned the mother had placed the baby on the dirty conference floor while she ate without benefit of a jacket or blanket. - "concern". Is it the mother or the baby who's eating, in this situation? If it's the mother, I'd pop a comma after "ate", to make the distinction.
previously unknown to her before this day, - delete "previously", it's redundant.
It had been a lost minute addition - last
we were more than happy to assit. - assist
All in all a very engaging piece, and one I'd have enjoyed reading and reviewing even if I missed the payout, lol!
Louise xxxx
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2009
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thanks for the corrections. I'll get them fixed before Lexi's old enough to read. LOL. jan
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LOL!
Comment from Nicnac
Re-rated :)
...as we continue our journeys as three generations of extraordinary women. <--What a beautiful way to conclude this letter.
Lexi is so blessed to have such caring and lovely people in her life. This letter to her is charming, full of love and acceptance, and shows her the benefits of having a generous soul. I'm sure she will treasure every word.
Suggestions:
Recently your mom, you and I had a girls' weekend <--This might flow smoother if reworded slightly (Recently, you, your mom and I had...)
to ensure everyone can (could) get a closer look
You particularly liked Natalie Grant's concert(,) but
It had been a lost (last) minute addition
we were more than happy to assit (assist)
It's so good to hear from you, Jan. :) Please let me know if you make revisions. I'd be happy to re-rate. :)
Nic
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Re-rated :)
...as we continue our journeys as three generations of extraordinary women. <--What a beautiful way to conclude this letter.
Lexi is so blessed to have such caring and lovely people in her life. This letter to her is charming, full of love and acceptance, and shows her the benefits of having a generous soul. I'm sure she will treasure every word.
Suggestions:
Recently your mom, you and I had a girls' weekend <--This might flow smoother if reworded slightly (Recently, you, your mom and I had...)
to ensure everyone can (could) get a closer look
You particularly liked Natalie Grant's concert(,) but
It had been a lost (last) minute addition
we were more than happy to assit (assist)
It's so good to hear from you, Jan. :) Please let me know if you make revisions. I'd be happy to re-rate. :)
Nic
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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I have made the corrections. Not sure where my brain was when I typed that one--LOL! I'm way behind on writing her things but up-to-date on playing with her so suppose that's what's important. Love, Jan
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LOL Yes - that's what's important! (I've re-rated.) Nic
Comment from barbara.wilkey
So true and it's amazing how we find strength through other extraordinary women. I enjoyed your story and how you learned so much from other experiences. Pleas continue to let us know how this further developes.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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So true and it's amazing how we find strength through other extraordinary women. I enjoyed your story and how you learned so much from other experiences. Pleas continue to let us know how this further developes.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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thanks, barbara
Comment from joan marie
I believe your author notes are quite correct. I am glad to see you have continued this endeavor for your grandchild. Hopefully I am well enough not to miss anymore. joan marie
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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I believe your author notes are quite correct. I am glad to see you have continued this endeavor for your grandchild. Hopefully I am well enough not to miss anymore. joan marie
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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I haven't been writing as much as I should be but I'm playing with her loads. Hope you get to feeling better soon. love, jan
Comment from BPL76
I like the [lot of this story
It gives just enough detail to make me want more
Good Job
It flows well
the dialog is good
BPL...........................................................................................
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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I like the [lot of this story
It gives just enough detail to make me want more
Good Job
It flows well
the dialog is good
BPL...........................................................................................
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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thanks, BPL
love, jan
Comment from Paul Greatrix
you write with a lot of warmth, and that truely radiates from this piece. Genuine, honest and frank, i found it easy reading indeed.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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you write with a lot of warmth, and that truely radiates from this piece. Genuine, honest and frank, i found it easy reading indeed.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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thanks, Paul
Comment from Judith Ann
Wonderful! What a marvelous way to leave a legacy for your grandchild. I too have attended a few of these conferences and could so relate to your joy as you describe the time. I too shared the experience with my daughter(s). I love how you incorporate true life lessons into this piece. Your grandchild will be able to witness your faith and character long after she achieves adulthood. Thank you for writing this. --Judy
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Wonderful! What a marvelous way to leave a legacy for your grandchild. I too have attended a few of these conferences and could so relate to your joy as you describe the time. I too shared the experience with my daughter(s). I love how you incorporate true life lessons into this piece. Your grandchild will be able to witness your faith and character long after she achieves adulthood. Thank you for writing this. --Judy
Comment Written 29-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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thankis, Judy. I apologize for replying so late. I was away for a few months. love, jan
Comment from rhymer1
Except for being a bit too wordy, this is fine. I had a few notes while reading. Slainte, rhymer1
conference floor while she ate without benefit of a jacket or blanket. - dangling participle here. Did the mom or the infant not have jacket or blanket?
It had been a (lost) [last] minute addition - typo
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Except for being a bit too wordy, this is fine. I had a few notes while reading. Slainte, rhymer1
conference floor while she ate without benefit of a jacket or blanket. - dangling participle here. Did the mom or the infant not have jacket or blanket?
It had been a (lost) [last] minute addition - typo
Comment Written 29-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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thI apologize for replying so late. I was away for a few months. love, jananks for your notes, rhymer1. I always appreciate your input.
Comment from Writeaway...
I really enjoyed reading your book chapter Rdfrdmom2. It leaves me hanging, what's going to happen next? Excellent job, 10/10 well done.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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I really enjoyed reading your book chapter Rdfrdmom2. It leaves me hanging, what's going to happen next? Excellent job, 10/10 well done.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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sorry for the very late response, I needed to take an extended hiatus from fanstory to take care of some family matters and am still trying to catch up with answering my reviews; love, jan
Comment from adewpearl
she began sharing with your mom and I - your mom and me
Well, Nanny Jan, what a lovely relating of these experiences for Lexie so some day she will know what she was a part of.
My son and I attended an art history conference his dad had organized just days after his birth, so this reminded me of that :-) And yes, those "side bars" are often the most enlightening part of this kind of conference. Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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she began sharing with your mom and I - your mom and me
Well, Nanny Jan, what a lovely relating of these experiences for Lexie so some day she will know what she was a part of.
My son and I attended an art history conference his dad had organized just days after his birth, so this reminded me of that :-) And yes, those "side bars" are often the most enlightening part of this kind of conference. Brooke
Comment Written 29-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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thanks, gain, Brooke; she's part ofmy everything as you already know; love, jan
