Blood Relations - A Vampire Tale
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Close Encounters of the Worst Kind"Some bloodlines run very deep.
19 total reviews
Comment from Bettany17
Very entertaining read and interesting world you have created here. Some lines I think could be reworded to read better but it certainly does not take away from the story. I do realize this is Chapter 47 so I'm kind of jumping in the middle here---and I'm not attached to the characters yet. I would love to see some more imagery words in your story---feeling, showing, telling, tasting anything to make me feel like I'm there or feel close to your characters. But that might be an unfair comment because I need to start from the beginning chapter. Jeez, novels are hard to critique. LOL!
But you definitely have caught my attention with this chapter of your story. Well done. This is not usually my genre but I like.....good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
  |
Very entertaining read and interesting world you have created here. Some lines I think could be reworded to read better but it certainly does not take away from the story. I do realize this is Chapter 47 so I'm kind of jumping in the middle here---and I'm not attached to the characters yet. I would love to see some more imagery words in your story---feeling, showing, telling, tasting anything to make me feel like I'm there or feel close to your characters. But that might be an unfair comment because I need to start from the beginning chapter. Jeez, novels are hard to critique. LOL!
But you definitely have caught my attention with this chapter of your story. Well done. This is not usually my genre but I like.....good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
-
Thank you so much for this wonderful review and your helpful suggestions. This chapter was THE chapter that would change the course of the story so I could wrap it up and start working on the editing/soliciting part. It didn't do that though. Instead, it ignited a firestorm bringing life to more chapters ahead, LOL. I always want to write better, especially in the narration because just like you, I want to be taken there. :) I'll keep looking for ways to do that better. Thank you again for your wonderful and encouraging review.
Comment from findingmyroom
The amnesia striking at the end was a surprise, but I'm assuming it's a protective device engineered by Stan somehow. Just a personal note: I love that you have the Coast Guard in some of your chapters, since my Dad was a USCG search & rescue helicopter pilot!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
|
The amnesia striking at the end was a surprise, but I'm assuming it's a protective device engineered by Stan somehow. Just a personal note: I love that you have the Coast Guard in some of your chapters, since my Dad was a USCG search & rescue helicopter pilot!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
-
I love the USCG. I used to dream of being a USCG search and rescue helicopter pilot. Unfortunately, I was discouraged from joining because my eyesight wasn't perfect. But I still dream of that exciting world, and thanks to writing, I can bring a little of it here. I share you passion for this. :)
Thank you so much for your wonderful review. The amnesia was a surprise to Stan too, I assure you. The next couple chapters will dig more into that. In the meantime, life on Earth will be rough for Stan. Thanks again!
-
Steve,
I haven't tackled writing a novel yet and was wondering about your writing process. Do you have the book mapped out before you start or does it develop as you go, or...?
Thanks,
Stephanie
-
I write like Stephen King, the story develops as I write. I'm along for the journey just as anyone reading. Some people swear that you need a framework and there are good reasons for that, but it doesn't won't work for me.
If I were you, I'd just start writing! Don't worry about the process or the rules, just enjoy it. Your style will come with practice. :)
-
Thanks!
Comment from Jonez08
Wow, what a chapter, Steve, your imagination has taken over this story and I love it. First the aliens and its descriptions was quite the visual, the then Stan's conversation with Raul was so natural..great dialog. And the ending is great...I'm sure Stan made them forget. I still find some issues with the grammar and structure of your writing, but once again your imagination, attention to details and your greatly improved writing win's again. Great job. Can't wait for the next chapter
Brook watched in horror as five white oval shaped objects dropped out of the (night) sky and circled the yacht.
(night's)
Dozens of them landed on the ship with a thud(,) all clicking and snapping their jaws.
They would need to be frozen, and for what?
(consider: They would have to be frozen, and for what)
I'm sorry(,) cousin. You can discuss the matter with my father."
Cassandra
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
 |
Wow, what a chapter, Steve, your imagination has taken over this story and I love it. First the aliens and its descriptions was quite the visual, the then Stan's conversation with Raul was so natural..great dialog. And the ending is great...I'm sure Stan made them forget. I still find some issues with the grammar and structure of your writing, but once again your imagination, attention to details and your greatly improved writing win's again. Great job. Can't wait for the next chapter
Brook watched in horror as five white oval shaped objects dropped out of the (night) sky and circled the yacht.
(night's)
Dozens of them landed on the ship with a thud(,) all clicking and snapping their jaws.
They would need to be frozen, and for what?
(consider: They would have to be frozen, and for what)
I'm sorry(,) cousin. You can discuss the matter with my father."
Cassandra
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
-
WOW! A SIX STAR REVIEW!!! Thank you so much Cassandra! You have made my day. :) Thank you so much for this wonderful and helpful review. This is what happens when you try and end a story, it finds a way to stay alive, LOL. Your excellent suggestions have been put to good use. Thank you!
-
LOL...I know how it is when ending a story!!!
Comment from jlsavell
Nightwriter, gee I have not been on the site in a few weeks and it will not let me give one of my favorite writers a six!!!!!!!! when was the last time you got a six from me. I am disappointed. As usual I love this story. It gets better and better,,how do you keep spinning this tale out??? Stan where are you???? jimi
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2009
|
Nightwriter, gee I have not been on the site in a few weeks and it will not let me give one of my favorite writers a six!!!!!!!! when was the last time you got a six from me. I am disappointed. As usual I love this story. It gets better and better,,how do you keep spinning this tale out??? Stan where are you???? jimi
Comment Written 31-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2009
-
Thank you SO MUCH for the virtual SIX. It means just as much to me coming from you. Such praise and encouragement are worth so much and are greatly appreciated. You know, I thought the end was in sight, my Muse even showed me the end, and then WAM! It took me into an entirely new direction opening many new doors. I honestly want to end this book so I can see if I can find a publisher and get this out while the world is in love with vampires, but the story won't end, LOL. Thanks again so much!!!! :)
Happy Halloween!
Comment from Vladilynn
Tooo much tense to give us and questions too~ lol
You've written a very good chapters here!! very entertaining Steve! I have enjoyed reading both chapters~
Thank you for sharing
Love much
Lynn:0)
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2009
|
Tooo much tense to give us and questions too~ lol
You've written a very good chapters here!! very entertaining Steve! I have enjoyed reading both chapters~
Thank you for sharing
Love much
Lynn:0)
Comment Written 31-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2009
-
Thank you so much Lynn!
Comment from Tellis
Holy cow they don't remember Stan? Whom is going to take over the resort? I hope this isn't the end of the story.
Tellis
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2009
|
Holy cow they don't remember Stan? Whom is going to take over the resort? I hope this isn't the end of the story.
Tellis
Comment Written 29-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2009
-
LOL. Thank you so much for your wonderful review Tellis! Could also be a fresh start, or something in-between. Lots going on. :)
Comment from adewpearl
Spooky alien description!! six foot grasshoppers - you're carrying me back to those marvelous black and white 50's movies about mutants from atomic fallout :-)
stupid, drooling aliens/savior dolphins - this is so much fun!!!!!
Geez, Stan has violated all the rules of his culture so his cousin wants to arrest him after rescuing him, Lori has amnesia, troubles, troubles all around! What a great pre-Halloween present :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2009
|
Spooky alien description!! six foot grasshoppers - you're carrying me back to those marvelous black and white 50's movies about mutants from atomic fallout :-)
stupid, drooling aliens/savior dolphins - this is so much fun!!!!!
Geez, Stan has violated all the rules of his culture so his cousin wants to arrest him after rescuing him, Lori has amnesia, troubles, troubles all around! What a great pre-Halloween present :-) Brooke
Comment Written 27-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2009
-
Thank you so much for your wonderful and encouraging review Brooke! :)
Comment from Sasha
You have me biting my nails. This was a great and very tense chapter. I hope Stan is able to return soon and that the girls regain their memories. You've left me hanging here, not knowing what is going to happen next. I anxiously look forward to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2009
|
You have me biting my nails. This was a great and very tense chapter. I hope Stan is able to return soon and that the girls regain their memories. You've left me hanging here, not knowing what is going to happen next. I anxiously look forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2009
-
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! :) A lot going on for sure, LOL.
Comment from babylonia
well, this is definitely a fine kettle of fish. LOL so many things could happen now. hmmm .... can't wait to see what will happen now. easy to read and follow. spaggies.
one of the aliens lounged(lunged) at her and latched on to her ankle
Stan and Brook ran toward each other across a deck covered in green goop and hugged. (how about ... Covered in green goop, Stan and Brook ran toward each other's arms.)
He turned and hugged her tight(,) holding her for several minutes
"Stan, your fianc©e?"
imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2009
|
well, this is definitely a fine kettle of fish. LOL so many things could happen now. hmmm .... can't wait to see what will happen now. easy to read and follow. spaggies.
one of the aliens lounged(lunged) at her and latched on to her ankle
Stan and Brook ran toward each other across a deck covered in green goop and hugged. (how about ... Covered in green goop, Stan and Brook ran toward each other's arms.)
He turned and hugged her tight(,) holding her for several minutes
"Stan, your fianc©e?"
imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 27-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2009
-
Hi Eagle Eye, I mean Barbara! You caught some good gremlins, thank you so much. I put your excellent suggestions right to work. Thank you so much for your wonderful review! :)
-
you are welcome~
at least i'm up to date on your story. LOL now for the other ten novels. just kidding.
love,
barbara
-
No, I know how you feel! Just keeping up with other writer's here is a full time job, then you have your own writing to do, plus housework/work/kids/chores/life/eating -- LOL.
-
which is why i've cut down on reading but there are still novels here i want to read. i'm so glad i started bookcasing and that way i can just pick up and read. i'm definitely working on writing as much if not more than i'm reading.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello NightWriter
You really had me going with all the different actions going on.
What a surprise when Lori and I believe also Brooke don't even remember who Stan is.
so now the BIG mystery to me where is Stan?
Guess I will have to wait until next chapter.
Gert
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2009
|
Hello NightWriter
You really had me going with all the different actions going on.
What a surprise when Lori and I believe also Brooke don't even remember who Stan is.
so now the BIG mystery to me where is Stan?
Guess I will have to wait until next chapter.
Gert
Comment Written 26-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2009
-
Thank you so much Gert for your wonderful review. Stan has to answer some tough questions, but you know he will fight with all his might to return. :) Thanks again!
