What Waits Within This Work of Art?
14 words on the nature of the spider web104 total reviews
Comment from crazy_chicken
The poem was interesting with just enough irony and imagery , but it could use some work in the meter and rhyme scheme but overall it was very well written and tugged slightly at the heart strings.
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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2009
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The poem was interesting with just enough irony and imagery , but it could use some work in the meter and rhyme scheme but overall it was very well written and tugged slightly at the heart strings.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2009
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Thank you for reviewing. Brooke
Comment from ArtGal
Oh my, you must share with me the handbook you have for this, along with the others, they aren't in mine, lol. I love the picture as it really sets the scene. The light on the web is truly a picture of art. And then the darkness of the spider as he attacks, love this form, I so enjoyed!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Oh my, you must share with me the handbook you have for this, along with the others, they aren't in mine, lol. I love the picture as it really sets the scene. The light on the web is truly a picture of art. And then the darkness of the spider as he attacks, love this form, I so enjoyed!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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shadowpoetry.com has a good explanation of lots of forms :-) Thanks, Art Gal :-) Brooke
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Brooke, thanks for the tip. I'll go to shadowpoetry,com and look around!
Sharon
Comment from tentwofifty
Your septolet definitely brought about the imagery you were trying to procure. The picture you picked for you piece complements the poem nicely... thanks for sharng and keep writing...
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Your septolet definitely brought about the imagery you were trying to procure. The picture you picked for you piece complements the poem nicely... thanks for sharng and keep writing...
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Thank you, tentwofifty, for your gracious review :-) Brooke
Comment from Gaye Hemsley
Hi Brooke Very well shown, even with out the lovely artwork. It's has a great word flow and each verse could quite easily stand alone. 'Souls depart' imagine all those little insects souls going off to 'Bug's Heaven.'
By the way this is the first time I've been onto FS for over a week I was imagining many great poems from you but I guess you must to busy also. All the best Gaye
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Hi Brooke Very well shown, even with out the lovely artwork. It's has a great word flow and each verse could quite easily stand alone. 'Souls depart' imagine all those little insects souls going off to 'Bug's Heaven.'
By the way this is the first time I've been onto FS for over a week I was imagining many great poems from you but I guess you must to busy also. All the best Gaye
Comment Written 22-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Thank you, Gaye. I have written a poem every day, my friend :-) Just check my portfolio! Brooke
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That's strange Brooke they are not appearing on my messages list I thought as a fan all your poems would come into my messages.
At the moment I haven't the time to review everyone.
All the best Gaye
Comment from dtimes3
Nicely written with a good touch on the alliteration.
Nicely chosen colors compliment your own work of art.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2009
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Nicely written with a good touch on the alliteration.
Nicely chosen colors compliment your own work of art.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2009
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Thank you, my friend - I have not seen you in a long time :-) It is good to see you! Brooke :-)
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You'll understand when you read my next posting.
Thanks.
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Now I'm intrigued!
Comment from Xylok
totally awesome brooke. so true and i like how you bring your reader to a place they otherwise might not think about. the hell that it must constitute for those creatures inexorably tethered to the web awaiting death by
mastication...but how so very necessary for the hungry spider who knows no other means of hunting. your poem makes me think of an endangered animal eating an endangered plant; which one do you save? clever poem; the rhymes are creative as well. not sure why you didn't punctuate it throughout but maybe it was to improve flow. great poem.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2009
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totally awesome brooke. so true and i like how you bring your reader to a place they otherwise might not think about. the hell that it must constitute for those creatures inexorably tethered to the web awaiting death by
mastication...but how so very necessary for the hungry spider who knows no other means of hunting. your poem makes me think of an endangered animal eating an endangered plant; which one do you save? clever poem; the rhymes are creative as well. not sure why you didn't punctuate it throughout but maybe it was to improve flow. great poem.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2009
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Thank you, Xylok - I punctuate 99 out of 100 poems - the septolet I consider to be very haiku-like, so it is one form I don't necessarily punctuate a lot. Your comments are most thought-provoking, and much appreciated :-) Brooke
Comment from LYLE
Brooke,
I have never read one of these poems before, but I shall humbly ask one question. Do creatures have souls? "captured creatures' lives depart" would have been my choice, but don't go by my suggestions. I couldn't win a contest, even if I were the only one in it:) I enjoyed the tie of light strikes and spider strikes. It is, as always, a clever piece and well written.
Fondly, Lyle
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2009
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Brooke,
I have never read one of these poems before, but I shall humbly ask one question. Do creatures have souls? "captured creatures' lives depart" would have been my choice, but don't go by my suggestions. I couldn't win a contest, even if I were the only one in it:) I enjoyed the tie of light strikes and spider strikes. It is, as always, a clever piece and well written.
Fondly, Lyle
Comment Written 22-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2009
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Lyle, I have no idea if little creatures have souls - and neither does anyone else!! Seeing that none of us can possibly know, I feel safe in saying it is so in a poem :-) LOL I think "souls" has far greater emotional impact. Thanks so much for you most thoughtful comments!! Brooke
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Dear Brooke,
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Dear Brooke,
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Dear Brooke, today, I had a chat with an ant, who said that you can't take his soul away, for he is old and has always done as he was told. He does not want to lie out in ther cold, when heaven was his goal. To you he sends a kiss, to me he hissed "Touche!"
Comment from babylonia
brooke,
glad to see you won this one. nicely done. made me smile. easy to read and follow. no spaggies. imagery is excellent.
again, congratulations.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2009
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brooke,
glad to see you won this one. nicely done. made me smile. easy to read and follow. no spaggies. imagery is excellent.
again, congratulations.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 21-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2009
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Thank you, Barbara :-) I appreciate your kind review and congratulations :-) Brooke
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brooke,
you are very welcome~
love,
barbara
Comment from Jarlsbane
Awww yes, I missed this the other day... I mean I read it but didn't get around to reviewing it... glad you won (you always do though) :)~ !!! You know my only thought on this was that your last line doesn't work because I don't think bugs and things have souls... had the same discussion with The Brit's Wife when she posted a story about her dead kitty... minor point I guess as poetry can allow for all options... very zen buddahist of you though!! :) LOL --Michael
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2009
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Awww yes, I missed this the other day... I mean I read it but didn't get around to reviewing it... glad you won (you always do though) :)~ !!! You know my only thought on this was that your last line doesn't work because I don't think bugs and things have souls... had the same discussion with The Brit's Wife when she posted a story about her dead kitty... minor point I guess as poetry can allow for all options... very zen buddahist of you though!! :) LOL --Michael
Comment Written 21-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2009
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Michael, Michael, Michael, on an evening when I'm in a pissy mood after having someone tell me she didn't feel the love in my love sonnet, do you really want to argue with me over buggy souls??? I think you might want to rethink. ROTFLMAO - and don't even go there about kitty souls - you weren't around when my daughter and I buried her beloved kitty. Sending smiles your way : -) Brooke
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LOL i read that review... all about the color not enough about the love... (paraphrasing)... I laughed when I saw that... now brooke i'm not arguing a thing with you darling.... certainly not bug souls... lol if you have little funerals for every moth and beetle that smacks your winshield that's fine by me... ( i do understand the issue with little children and their pets, i'm not that big of an insensitive bastard) lol
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You laughed???? That is so not nice of you. You laughed knowing what misery that was going to cause me??? And now you're making me feel so uncompassionate as I have never once held a funeral or even a memorial service for a single buggy mushed by my windshield wipers. Hell, I haven't even held any funerals for the ones I stomped on inside my apartment either!! Oops, did I just admit I stomp on buggies? You are so bringing out the bad side of me tonight! LOL
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lol you're such a terrible person... sending all those creepy crawlies to meet their maker without a single thought where they would spend eternity... I think I've just had a great idea.... church service for mice and cockroaches... the first sermon "the meek shall inherit the earth"...
I've been listening to Kooser.. poet laureate 2004 - 2006 ... I have one thing to say about him... I'm as good a poet as he is!!! lol Arrogant I know!
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I don't know kooser at all - will have to look him up
The Phillies are ahead 9-4 in the 8th and have just one more guy to get out in order to move to the 9th inning - and if we keep the lead, we are heading to the World Series to defend our championship - this is what is important in life, my friend :-)
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Well the cards got friggin swept so all I can say is GO PHILLIES.... I don't care for the Angels and I can't stand the Yankees.... so I'll root with ya!
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You just got totally on my good side again :-)
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You mean I was actually on your bad side? I thought you were teasin? lol :)
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Yes, I was only teasing, Michael. And the Phillies just got run ten - if we can keep the Dodgers from scoring six in the ninth, you get a virtual kiss :-)
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damn--- its always a "virtual" kiss.... I want a real one!! lol
Comment from Rabianabian
I see you have won yet another contest with this excellent poem. I really like the use of the word "strikes" in both stanzas--it really adds to the irony of the poem. Great job!
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2009
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I see you have won yet another contest with this excellent poem. I really like the use of the word "strikes" in both stanzas--it really adds to the irony of the poem. Great job!
Comment Written 21-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2009
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Thank you, Mary, for insightful comments - I can always count on you to understand why I've composed a poem as I have :-) Brooke
