The Sounds of Time
Our senses and our memories are inexorably linked51 total reviews
Comment from FredCollingwood
Uh oh! I must be losing my senses ... or is it my memory ... I can't remember. Great story. I enjoyed. Minot comments:
Her husband had to be out of town() and Rachael wanted to know if I could help with her brand new baby, my granddaughter, Lael. Add comma--independent clauses.
You tend to use the passive voice. Try to avoid. e.g.
We were both transported back
duplication was not allowed
I let my daughter claim this sound because of the way she described it, "I hear the hammock singing!"(.) > remove
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Uh oh! I must be losing my senses ... or is it my memory ... I can't remember. Great story. I enjoyed. Minot comments:
Her husband had to be out of town() and Rachael wanted to know if I could help with her brand new baby, my granddaughter, Lael. Add comma--independent clauses.
You tend to use the passive voice. Try to avoid. e.g.
We were both transported back
duplication was not allowed
I let my daughter claim this sound because of the way she described it, "I hear the hammock singing!"(.) > remove
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thanks Fred - first for reading and then for the helpful comments. I'll swing back around and correct.
Comment from dportwood
bhogg,
A most endearing tribute and memory to share with Rachael. Your emotions come through in the writing and place the reader beside you. Well done.
Duane
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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bhogg,
A most endearing tribute and memory to share with Rachael. Your emotions come through in the writing and place the reader beside you. Well done.
Duane
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thanks Duane - I appreciate the kind words.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I wish I had a 6 to give you just because this is such an emotional post. I am a Daddy's girl and probably always will. Good writing.
Otis Redding's great song, "Sittin' On The Dock of the Bay" (Ouch!! Am I really that old?)
Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite is one of my favorite ballets. I have seen it many times. About 6 years ago I saw performed by the Russian Ballet in DC. Wow!!!!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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I wish I had a 6 to give you just because this is such an emotional post. I am a Daddy's girl and probably always will. Good writing.
Otis Redding's great song, "Sittin' On The Dock of the Bay" (Ouch!! Am I really that old?)
Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite is one of my favorite ballets. I have seen it many times. About 6 years ago I saw performed by the Russian Ballet in DC. Wow!!!!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Daddy's Girls have a special place in my heart! The Nutcracker Suite is fabulous. I had the opportunity to take my daughter to a professional performance - probably not as good as yours, but incredible. I run out of 6's too. The darn poets get most of mine. I've been trying to hold a few back for us folks!
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
It is only when we begin to think about it that we realise just how important sound is to all of us, even in our formative years. The sound of a beloved voice, and as you say the sounds associated with so many happy memories.
I love the way you draw the contrast between the Sugar Plum Fairy and The Tone Deaf Pear.
This is a beautiful tribute to your daughter, and an excellent essay.
Juliette
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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It is only when we begin to think about it that we realise just how important sound is to all of us, even in our formative years. The sound of a beloved voice, and as you say the sounds associated with so many happy memories.
I love the way you draw the contrast between the Sugar Plum Fairy and The Tone Deaf Pear.
This is a beautiful tribute to your daughter, and an excellent essay.
Juliette
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your kind words. Bill
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi bhogg,
It is so wonderful when our children grow up to be fine adults. They say you never know if you have done a good job or even if they listened to our advice until they are at least 21! I like the notion of listening for sounds and being able to revisit some good memories. Too bad you and your wife divorced but there is a lot of that going on! Well done....chey
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Hi bhogg,
It is so wonderful when our children grow up to be fine adults. They say you never know if you have done a good job or even if they listened to our advice until they are at least 21! I like the notion of listening for sounds and being able to revisit some good memories. Too bad you and your wife divorced but there is a lot of that going on! Well done....chey
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Chey - it was actually a good thing. I've been married to my current wife for over 20 years - never been happier! Thanks for reading.
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Good for you!
Comment from Zaphod
Excellent job. Worthy of the five stars simply for the fact that you nailed the sound of the swing (hammock in your case).
I really like the way you bring it all around at the end.
Just right.
Keep up the great work.
Z
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Excellent job. Worthy of the five stars simply for the fact that you nailed the sound of the swing (hammock in your case).
I really like the way you bring it all around at the end.
Just right.
Keep up the great work.
Z
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thanks Z - first for reading and then for your kind words!
Comment from lola29
I think you are the quintessential ranconteur. Reading your stories is a pleasure. The journey is alays so smooth and refreshing. You have become one of my favorites.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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I think you are the quintessential ranconteur. Reading your stories is a pleasure. The journey is alays so smooth and refreshing. You have become one of my favorites.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thanks lola - and you've become a person who can bring a big smile to my face! :) LOL Bill
Comment from RazberryBullet
Liked the idea of the hammock singing with the same sound of Lael's little swing :)
"I hear the hammock singing!". You lose in translation to try and write sounds, but it was something like, ennnnnnnh, enh, ennnnnnnh, enh, ennnnnnnh, enh. :)
Got a chuckle here: Rachael was dancing to the Tone Deaf Pear; out of step, out of rhythm, enthusiastically doing her own thing. LOL!!!
Well done!
Cheers,
Raz
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Liked the idea of the hammock singing with the same sound of Lael's little swing :)
"I hear the hammock singing!". You lose in translation to try and write sounds, but it was something like, ennnnnnnh, enh, ennnnnnnh, enh, ennnnnnnh, enh. :)
Got a chuckle here: Rachael was dancing to the Tone Deaf Pear; out of step, out of rhythm, enthusiastically doing her own thing. LOL!!!
Well done!
Cheers,
Raz
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thanks for reading Raz and for making me smile :) Bill
Comment from JeJo
Lovely memories that you have here: a sunset, a dinner, a song, and a game. I like how you tried to describe the sound of the hammock, and how you tied that sound into your grandchild's life as well. I love the message at the end of "I Love You."
Here's my quick suggestion, because I think it sounds better (that's all):
I recently was driving - switch I and recently
I liked this non-fiction piece; it made me think of the memories I have. - JeJo
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Lovely memories that you have here: a sunset, a dinner, a song, and a game. I like how you tried to describe the sound of the hammock, and how you tied that sound into your grandchild's life as well. I love the message at the end of "I Love You."
Here's my quick suggestion, because I think it sounds better (that's all):
I recently was driving - switch I and recently
I liked this non-fiction piece; it made me think of the memories I have. - JeJo
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thanks for reading and for the suggestion. I'll definitely take a look at that sentence!
Comment from adewpearl
What a lovely, happy family :-)
What a lovely letter to your daughter - since I am tearing up and these aren't even my memories, I can just imagine her response to this lovely, lovely essay. I love your focus on the senses and how they trigger memories. My father had a hammock in our front lawn - it is one of my happiest childhood memories.
I agree so much about songs - I have so many songs that take me right back to different parts of my life. Touch Me Babe by the Doors was on the car radio the first time my boyfriend/later husband kissed. I still can't hear that song without a flood of memories. And the list goes on.
Everything about this essay is just perfect. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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What a lovely, happy family :-)
What a lovely letter to your daughter - since I am tearing up and these aren't even my memories, I can just imagine her response to this lovely, lovely essay. I love your focus on the senses and how they trigger memories. My father had a hammock in our front lawn - it is one of my happiest childhood memories.
I agree so much about songs - I have so many songs that take me right back to different parts of my life. Touch Me Babe by the Doors was on the car radio the first time my boyfriend/later husband kissed. I still can't hear that song without a flood of memories. And the list goes on.
Everything about this essay is just perfect. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thanks Brooke - It is strange, but I was talking to my daughter about this and she certainly remembered our game. She added another sense to it. I am an avid outdoor cook, so barbeque things frequently. Our game was often done while things were cooking. My daughter said that she feels comfort from grill smoke because she could smell that on me when we would be on the hammock together.
